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Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines Production Notes and Trivia

2008-10-15T01:42:00.003-04:00

STAN WINSTON: 1946-2008

2008-06-16T20:15:00.003-04:00

The sad news has just been released that Stan Winston, special effects and make-up legend (as the article puts it appropriately) has died. He was 62. He was battling with multiple myeloma for the past 7 years.

He had won the Oscars for his works on Aliens, Jurassic Park, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, and Batman Returns.

If you have seen a movie from the 1980's with special effects in it, Winston was probably there. He provided a lot of monster effects, in particular, for movies such as Aliens, Predator, The Terminator, The Thing, and Pumpkinhead. After the 1980's, his works include films such as Jurassic Park, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Batman Returns, Edward Scissorhands, From Dusk Til Dawn, Congo, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, and many more.

Recently, he created the Iron Man armor in the new Iron Man film, and reportedly was working on James Cameron's upcoming Avatar.

He will be duly missed, very much, but his legacy will continue through his admirers in the world of film. I have no doubt he has inspired a generation of film makers to follow their dreams and goals in the medium.

His works have probably frightened most of us at some point, as well as wowed us. I always love seeing the Aliens on screen that he created, and those Jurassic Park dinosaurs will always be awesome. He definitely struck the world with those. And we can always go back and watch the movies he worked on, and be amazed again and again, and remember the first times we witnessed all of those monsters and tremendous effects.

Goodbye, Stan. Thank you for all of the great, great work you have given we, the audience in the cinema, and for helping us love movies. And for inspiring others to make movies. You were a part of movie history, and you always will be.

Source: Breitbart

COMING NEVER- Prepare for Dinner!

2008-06-09T20:14:00.004-04:00

Auy...

Sorry for no comics for the past couple of weeks...Some things have been going on. I was out of town one week, and another week, there was just too much really going on....I should be back on track now...Although Shin has disappeared to Parts Unknown, as he often does... ¬ ¬

I know this is a pretty stupid comic. But it was just a cheap gag I thought of. It was also fun to draw Leonidas. I love 300; the movie and the original funnybook by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley. Great stuff. The movie was really well done. especially in following along with the comic; just like Sin City did. although that one was not made by the same people.

Also, color! :O There's a bit of color in this one! That's my homage to Frank Miller there. Although, the book was fully in color, by Lynn Varley...

Some people complained that 300 was not a 'realistic' movie, and point out all the historical flaws. Well, did it ever occur to anyone that this was done on purpose? That's done in movies all the time. Hell, look at anything Oliver Stone has done; he deliberately ignores history and the facts all the time. This is where you know that there are people who don't know some backstory about this movie, and the comics. Frank Miller loves the ancient Greeks and has studied them a lot. He KNOWS what he did, and why there were inaccuracies. Yes, he did it on purpose. You think that he doesn't know that the Spartans...wore...uh, armor? Of course he does. Also, there weren't ONLY 300 Spartans at the battle of Thermopylae; there were other warriors there, as well. Altogether, I think there was about 800 or so warriors. Miller was really focusing on the legend of the 300 warriors, and glorifying them greatly. Why is that so hard to understand or accept?

It's a movie, so you have to take it with a grain of salt anyway, and if you do try to take it too literally, well, then you won't enjoy it. But if you've already decided you want to see an EXACT re-creation, you're not going to enjoy it anyway. So I say, take it for what it is, and enjoy it.

Or not. It's up to you. I love the movie, and the book.

TRANSFORMERS 2 FULL TITLE REVEALED

2008-06-06T22:31:00.004-04:00

Although Michael Bay has already issued the statement, or warning rather, that he was going to see to it that lies would be spread about the upcoming Transformers 2, it seems this news is no lie.

Hasbro has issued the report that the official title of the next movie is--

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen.

Oh Lord. I didn't like the first movie as it is, and this one is already off to a bad start....Which doesn't surprise me.

Now, it should be noted that there may be some significance to this title that fans may know. The former company DreamWave Productions once published Transformers funnybooks. In one of those series, they created a character simply referred to as 'the Fallen', and was tied to the very beginning of Cybertron, and the Transformers, in DW's TF universe. There is no word at this time if 'the Fallen' in the title refers to this character, or if it refers to...well, someone else.

I would guess it's probably not the Fallen from the DW funnybooks. Michael Bay seems pretty adamant he wants to do absolutely everything his own way, and doesn't really want to look to other TF sources for ideas or stories.

Maybe it refers to, for example....Starscream, maybe? Or Jazz? Yeah, maybe Jazz returns to get revenge. No, probably not....Or most likely it refers to Megatron.

But stay tuned. I recommend that you don't believe anything else about this movie that comes out. Treat everything as a rumor or just a lie, as that's what Bay wants to do; unless some news is officially confirmed by Hasbro or DreamWorks.

Sources: Hasbro.com
Wikipedia: The Fallen

Gyllenhall is the Prince and DQIV Redux Dated!

2008-05-22T09:33:00.006-04:00

Jake Gyllenhaal (Donnie Darko, The Day After Tomorrow, Brokeback Mountain) has been cast in the starring role as The Prince of Persia, in...Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. Described thusly, "In the fantasy adventure, Gyllenhaal will play Dastan, a young prince in sixth century Persia who must join forces with Tamina (Arterton), a feisty and exotic princess, to prevent a villainous nobleman from possessing the Sands of Time, a gift from the gods that can reverse time and allow its possessor to rule the world."

You know. I don't know how I feel about this. I like the guy all right but... can he do this??

It's already been said before that despite having the same title as the first game in the Prince of Persia's resurrection in games, this movie will intentionally not be a whole lot like the game. You can kind of see where they're going with that, but this movie has already been compared to....Pirates of the Caribbean, in terms how how they are looking at it. But uh, well, PoP is a game with a story, and Pirates was A DISNEYLAND RIDE. Big difference. So stay tuned.

Source: Dark Horizons

The first of Squenix's Dragon Quest 3D reduxs for the DS is coming to North America on September 16: Dragon Quest IV: Chapters of the Chosen.

But people are also wondering when DQIX, also on DS, will make it to these shores. It's due in Japan on November 20th. Well, I'd say it's safe to say we won't get it until next year, obviously. :P Probably late spring or early summer. But stay tuned.

Source: 1Up

COMING NEVER: The Running of the Boll

2008-05-19T09:17:00.003-04:00

I don’t know if Uwe Boll really means all the crazy things he says, or if he just plain doesn’t care what he says; because no one else cares. Whatever the case, he’s great at providing comedic material. That’s the only reason to even pay attention to him.

So this week the long-awaited Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens. And so does Boll’s not-at-all-awaited Postal opens, his most recent rampage upon games through a movie. You know, it’s actually frightening that Boll calls this movie his ‘dream project’. This man’s dreams are not to be taken seriously at all then. It’s also true it does open on the same day as Indiana Jones; in only 4 theaters. I am not kidding. That’s what the report says. 4 theaters. Boll of course has a new rant to go with this. He claims:

“Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid... We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won't let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book 'Postal'! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don't think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.”

Yes, theaters probably do have space, but they don’t want to waste it with this garbage. Although you have to think about how weird that is when you consider al lthe other complete garbage that IS allowed into theaters. The truth is, this just isn’t a ‘big’ movie. In any way. At all. And theaters aren’t going to pretend that it is. People will probably not see it. This definitely looks like a movie that would normally go directly to video.

Also, ‘exhibitors’, which I guess is how Boll refers to theaters, DO have a right to play or not play movies. That’s not called ‘censorship’. But most people would agree to that. Boll is just an idiot.

As for Indiana Jones, we’ve waited years for it. Many years. Early screenings have been positive, and it looks promising. I’m looking forward to a good show. And Lucas is even thinking about a 5th movie. Although, a few years from now, he’ll probably retract that and claim ‘I never said that’.

Also, as a note, next week’s comic might be a day late. I am going out of town this next weekend, and although I will be back Monday, I will probably be too tired. But I’ll see what I can do.

Movie Review: Transformers: The Movie

2008-05-17T23:32:00.013-04:00

Starring: Judd Nelson, Robert Stack, Leonard Nimoy, Orson Welles, Lionel Standish, Frank Welker, Peter Cullen, Erin Idle, Chris Latta

Director: Nelson Shin

Release Date: August 8, 1986

MPAA Rating: PG

Synopsis: After a tragic defeat and death of their leader, the Autobots must flee the pursuit of the Decepticons, and solve the mystery of the monster planet orbiting Cybertron.

My Two Cents:

So since I reviewed the Transformers film from last summer, let me now review the original Transformers: The Movie, from 1986. This was a very special, perhaps crucial, part of my childhood, and one I will carry with me always. As I said in my Transformers review, a lot of people said that movie made them ‘feel like a kid again’, but not me. This is the movie that makes me feel like a kid; it’s instant nostaliga from the very beginning. All those memories from my childhood come rushing back. Now, if you didn’t watch the old TV show, or didn’t have or play with the toys, then unfortunately, this movie will not mean the same thing to you, at all. I can understand why if people in that situation watch this movie, and don’t like it, would find it cheesy, etc. It can be hard to really appreciate if you didn’t live your childhood with these things. That doesn’t mean you can’t, but you’ll have a much harder time doing so. The animation and art work themselves are experiences to marvel; I love them. This is what Transformers are all about, and always will be, to me. A lot of different incarnations of Transformers have come and gone, but this movie largely demonstrates what they are really all about.

I’m going to get into spoilish material here, so beware.

The movie is basically a classic battle of good and evil. It doesn’t have a very deep plot and doesn’t really make you think deeply about anything. But there isn’t anything really wrong with that in itself either. We have the Autobots still battling with the Decepticons, who, in the year 2006, when this movie takes place (20 years into the future from when the movie was released), have taken over the Transformers’ homeworld, Cybertron. The Autobots continue to fight to regain control and defeat the Decepticons. They still have important bases on Earth, however, and we see (the very orange) Autobot City as their biggest Earthbound base. The Decepticons hijack an Autobot shuttle going to Autobot City, in which they plan to launch a sneak attack.

Megatron- classic badass villain

And the Decepticons REALLY fight to win in this movie. A lot of Transformers die in this movie, actually, and a lot of kids probably saw some of their favorite Transformers actually die before their eyes. And you KNOW these robots are DEAD, trust me. Transformers get shot, blown up from the outside, blown up from the inside, are disintegrated, and just get mutilated. Most of the time, this happens to Autobots, but not always.

Optimus Prime, badly damaged

The battle in Autobot City is where Optimus Prime and Megatron have their final fight, and it’s a great one. They just beat the shit out of each other, like we had never seen before. But a lot of kids were possibly traumatized, or at least very saddened because, as Optimus Prime said ‘One shall stand, one shall fall’ (this line was also used in the new film). Optimus is the one who really fell. He died in this movie, in what I still call a powerful scene. That broke a lot of kids’ hearts to see the great Optimus actually die. How could they do this to kids? Well...at least kids still had the toys, where Optimus, and all their favorites, could always come alive.

Optimus Prime, Dead

We see a lot of Autobots dead, but I had to wonder exactly how many Autobots were in the city, and how many died. This is a point I’ll get back to later in this review. In the seasons after the movie, there are a lot of Autobots we don’t see again, so I wondered if they were killed in the city. What happened to Bluestreak, Warpath, Beachcomber, Tracks, Trailbreaker, Inferno, Cosmos, Grapple, Hoist, Gears (for some odd reason, Gears is listed as being in this movie in the credits, but he wasn’t there, and certainly had no lines...), Skyfire, Sideswipe, Smokescreen, Sunstreaker (we do see him in the movie, but not what happens to him, and he doesn’t appear again, after the movie), and others? Did they all get killed? Possibly.

One of the things this movie did was make way for all-new Transformers; sort of like ‘the next generation’, but I don’t know if I’d call it that. But the movie was clearly meant to be the beginning of a new age for the Transformers. We meet new Autobots Ultra Magnus, Springer, Arcee (a rare feminine Transformer. Some had appeared in episodes before the movie, but they were scarce), Blurr, Wheelie, Hot Rod and Kup. The movie focuses mostly on them, especially after the battle in the city. The Decepticons get their all-new leader, Galvatron, and his loyal minions Cyclonus and Scourge, and his henchmen, the Sweeps. These guys are all bad-ass, and I sure loved them all as a kid. Megatron was very sadistic, and loved torturing the Autobots, but Galvatron was different in that his attitude seemed to be ‘Just kill them’. And that’s all his minions lived for. Bad ass.

We are also introduced to one of the most celebrated and loved villains in Transformers history; Unicron. We see Unicron at the beginning of the movie, and his appearance doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the movie at first, but it becomes clear after the city battle. Unicron is super-bad ass; he’s literally a planet that eats other planets. He’s like a different kind of Death Star (an analogy that James Rolfe also made). However, Unicron is also clearly some kind of metaphysical evil being as well. He has some strange powers; he seems to have some sort of extrasensory ability, as he was able to see Optimus Prime die, and pass on leadership to Ultra Magnus. This may have something to do with the fact that Optimus passes along the Autobot Matrix of Leadership, simply referred to as the Matrix (Yeah, that’s right. When the movie The Matrix came out, all I could think about was Transformers when I heard the title...), to Ultra Magnus, and Unicron wants the Matrix destroyed, as it’s the only thing that can destroy him. This connection isn’t explained really, but in some ways, it doesn’t need to be. Unicron is the ultimate evil the Autobots have encountered, and the Matrix is something like the ultimate good that can destroy him. Fair enough. The Autobots eventually learn of Unicron and set out to somehow stop him, after the city battle.

Unicron- Bad Ass.

Unicron also has the power to change other Transformers. After the Decepticons leave Autobot City, being somewhat defeated, the bodies of the most-damaged Decepticons are dumped into space; including Megatron, and by Starscream. At least, Starscream is getting his wish of being Decepticon leader. The discarded Decepticons encounter Unicron, who he claims ‘summoned’ them to him, and in exchange for his ownership of them, Unicron gives them new bodies and new identities. Megatron becomes Galvatron, and the other Decepticons with him become the new super-warriors Cyclonus, Scourge and the Sweeps. The scene in which these Decepticons change is really neat, and you see ‘x-rays’ of what they look like inside.

This is what the inside of a Transformer looks like

We also meet another new set of infamous Transformer villains; the Quintessons. The name comes from the fact that they have five faces, or rather, in the movie, there is only one of these particular beings (referred to as ‘the Imperial Magistrate’). In the TV show after the movie, there’s 4 or 5 of the 5-faced ones. The other inhabitants of the Quintesson world, Quintessa, are also referred to as Quintessons, even though they only have one face, and all look different. The Quintessons are evil and sadistic, like Megatron, and basically, they live to do nothing but kill everything they meet. They hold ‘trials’ for everyone they capture, and everyone is always found ‘innocent’. Now, ordinarily, this means that when one is innocent in court, they are let free. Not on Quintessa. All innocent ones, which is basically everyone, are still executed. They are dropped into the Sharkticon pit, where they are eaten. T he Sharkticons...look nothing like sharks, but rather they are rotund Transformers with a lot of shark-like teeth, and spiked tails. The other Quintessa inhabitants are the prosecutor, whose head is shaped like a Xenomorph’s, the executor, the Sharkticon Guards, and another set of Transformers, whose name I am not sure of. They transform into somewhat alligator-like beasts. A Sharkticon toy was made, but not any of these other guys. I always wished that I had some...

The Quintesson Imperial Magistrate

Also, when Hot Rod’s team crashes on Quintessa, Kup teaches us the ‘universal greeting’. So this movie is educational.

Eventually, the Autobots make it to Unicron, who starts attacking Cybertron. But before he does, he reveals his secret; he’s really a giant Transformer. This may not be that ‘surprising’, but his transformation scene is really awesome. And after he’s all done, we see Galvatron actually looking afraid at what he is seeing. Certainly, he’s more than shocked. I always love seeing that, too.

As you may have guessed, the Autobots do prevail, and the Matrix is used to stop Unicron. He isn’t comepletely destroyed though; his head becomes Cybertron’s new satellite. And the Autobots get a new leader. Before he dies, Optimus tells the Autobots that ‘one day, an Autobot shall rise from our ranks, and use the power of the Matrix to light our darkest hour’. Hot Rod fulfills his destiny, and becomes Rodimus Prime. Some of the metaphysical aspects of the Matrix are also demonstrated, as Hot Rod GROWS, literally, when he becomes Rodimus, his face has ‘age lines’; he simply looks like he’s an older robot. He is also now able to transform into a different vehicle; from a muscle car, into a Winnebago-ish vehicle.

Again, there is nothing deep about this movie, and one could easily criticize it for not having enough plot. But well, it’s only 88 minutes to begin with, and it does move fast. But I still call it a great movie experience. Yes, most of that comes from my childhood, but I still enjoy the movie even today. I love the animation and art work, and it just demonstrates what I think Transformers are all about.

The music also helps create a unique atmosphere as well. The score was composed by Vince DiCola, who was nominated for a Golden Globe for Staying Alive, but also won a Razzie for Worst Musical Score, for Rocky IV. I like his music in this movie though; it’s very well-done atmospheric mood music. It may be dated, but I think it still works. Unicron’s theme is particularly memorable, and I also like the theme of the Decepticons. I think there are also some nice moments during Optimus’s death, and when Hot Rod finds himself deep inside Unicron. I’ll always remember those, if nothing else...

But I also have to make note of the soundtrack; 1980’s hair metal. Yeah. But they’re all songs by people you’ve probably never heard of, and who probably stopped existing many years ago....James Rolfe called this music and Transformers ‘the perfect marriage’, and he’s right. Trust me, it does work. It all fits in perfectly. It wouldn’t work as well today, most likely, and certainly not in a film like the new one though...Also, it has a great placement of Weird Al’s Dare to be Stupid. Yeah, it’s awesome.

And of course, the most memorable songs from this movie are Dare, and The Touch, by Stan Bush (the latter was...badly sung by Dirk Diggler, in Boogie Nights...). You might think they’re bad, but I find them to be feel-good songs. And...they just....fit right in.

Sharkticons don't look like sharks.

I cannot review this movie without also talking about the cast, of course. It has a lot of stars in it, really; Leonard Nimoy as Galvatron, Robert Stack as Ultra Magnus. Judd Nelson as Hot Rod, Eric Idle as Wreck-Gar, Kasey Casem as Cliffjumper (he was on the show all the time, too, though) and Orson Welles as Unicron. Yeah, he’s really bad ass in this movie. This was also Welles’s last movie before he died, and legend has it that he actually didn’t finish all his lines before he died, and Unicron’s last lines were given by Nimoy. Now, it really does sound like Welles, so I doubt this rumor is true. But if it is, then Nimoy can do an exact impersonation of Orson Welles. That in itself is really awesome. All of these stars actually do a really great job, and provide fitting voices for their characters; especially Unicron. He sounds menacing and forboding. All the more reason Unicron was a great villain, and Welles went out with a bang.

Also, John Maschita, Jr., the Micro Machine Man, plays Blurr. Remember him? :D

You have a lot of the main cast members from the show playing their characters, too. Peter Cullen is Optimus Prime, and is great, and the great Frank Welker, who has been everywhere in cartoons, is Megatron, Soundwave, and all his tapes. (For the new film, they got Cullen back to play Optimus, but not Welker for Megatron. I wish they did, though...That would have made that movie better...) There are also a lot of miscellaneous voices that I really love, such as the Quintessons and their various ranks. It’s all just classic.

Now, there are some things that kind of bug me about this movie, or at least, are things to note:

-There are 5 Dinobots, but for most of this movie, only 4 appear. I say ‘most of the movie’ because the missing Dinobot, Snarl, does appear. In ONE scene. But that’s it. He does not appear at any time before that (not even when the other Dinobots drop into the city), and right after that shot where you can briefly see him, he’s gone. This is obviously an animators’ error, I’d guess, but a weird one.

-Something that always bothered me about the Transformers is the fact that some Transformers can alter their size to fit certain needs. For example, the most known example is Megatron transforming into a Walther P-38, but shrinking down to hand gun size so that he can be fired by another Decepticon. Sometimes certain Transformers can become VERY huge so they can transport large numbers of them. In this movie, we see AstroTrain do that when the Decepticons leave the city. Also, Cyclonus, in his space jet (or..starfighter, maybe) form enlarges so much so that Galvatron can sit inside the cockpit. And of course, there’s Devestator. The Constructicons are a special team that can transform and combine to form a super-robot, Devestator. Now, on the TV show, Devestator was always HUGE. The Constructicons somehow enlarge themselves so that Devestator’s parts are massive. If your standard Transformer is 30-50 feet tall, Devestator was well over 100 feet tall. 150 feet maybe, even (in the movie though, they did cut him down A LOT. He wasn’t nearly as huge). How the Hell did he BECOME that huge? How do Transformers shrink or grow when they need to?? It’s never explained, and also doesn’t really make sense anyway.

-When Megatron and his forces are reconstructed by Unicron, Scourge and his Sweeps (that sounds like a heavy metal band, doesn’t it?) all look the same, so you have to wonder how you tell them apart. And...what are the names of the other two Sweeps? Do they even have names? Also, when Cyclonus is created, there’s two of them, too. The second one is never given a name. All Unicron says is ‘Cyclonus the warrior, and his armada’. But then, after that, this second Cyclonus disappears. Like Snarl, he also doesn’t appear in any more scenes. So what happens to him?? What the Hell is the deal?

-On the subject of Scourge, this isn’t a ‘problem’ with the movie, but it’s just a weird thing. What the Hell does Scourge transform into?? He...flies, and can fly through space, so I guess he’s a ‘starfighter’ or something. But...he doesn’t LOOK like anything. Well...except a boat. He looks like a boat. A flying boat. That’s what I used to always call him when I was a kid. It’s...just weird. Also, what’s funny about Scourge is he has pink fingertips. Yeah. Pink. Just....weird.

Scourge and the Sweeps; Flying Boats

-Another Scourge-related issue; there’s one scene in which, including Scourge, there are 4 Sweeps. When Scourge and the Sweeps are all created, there are only 3. Again, clearly another animators’ error, but still not a pretty blatant one.

-Although a lot of Transformers die in this movie, there is apparently some secret to saving them. Wreck-Gar and the Junkions, on the junk planet (Uh, fitting, non?) seem to know how to bring back dead Transformers. If you get blown apart, they know how to just put you back together and...you’re alive again. So now I have to wonder, once the Autobots make friends with the Junkions, why didn’t they bring Optimus and the other dead Autobots to be ‘reactivated’ or..’fixed’, or whatever? Yeah, I know; if you’re really actually dead, they probably can’t bring you back. It’s just something to point out.

-During the attack on Autobot City, Perceptor says the Decepticons outnumber the Autobots. Well...how many is that? The problem is, we know all the Decepticons that Megatron brings with him, but we don’t know how many Autobots were in the city, or even with certainty how many were killed. Megatron’s attack force includes: Megatron, Soundwave, his 5 tapes, Starscream, AstroTrain, Blitzwing, Thundercracker, SkyWarp, Dirge, Thrust, Ramjet, Shrapnel, Kickback, Bombshell, Scrapper, Hook, Mixmaster, Longhaul, Scavenger, and Bonecrusher. That’s a sizely and powerful force, but they were supposed to be against an entire city of Autobots. And...the Autobots were actually ‘outnumbered’ by the Decepticons? Boy....there really must not have been many Autobots in the city....It would have been different if Perceptor had said they were outgunned, or just not strong enough to defend against the Decepticons. And that would have made sense, since the Decepticons really, really wreck the shit out of the city. There is one shot that shows the city from above after the attack, and...the city is almost completely gone. But no, Perceptor said they were ‘outnumbered’. There’s something not right about that....

-And that’s another thing; are the Autobots just not good at building defenses? They had a ton in the city, but...the Decepticons just...destroy everything, and kill almost everyone.

-It’s not clear how far away Cybertron is from Earth, but Galvatron’s forces get there way too fucking fast. Unicron attacks the Autobots’ moonbases, with Galvatron watching from Cybertron, and Ultra Magnus receiving the distress calls in Autobot City. Literally, the Decepticons arrive in Autobot City like, a minute later, right after the Autobots receive the last transmissions. Or at least, it looks like it. You could explain it away that MAYBE Blaster tried to reconnect or something, and it took some time (Blaster is somehow missing after the last transmission, and does not escape Autobot City with Hot Rod or Ultra Magnus). But that’s really pushing it. It looks like right after they receive the last transmission, that’s when Ultra Magnus says to board the shuttles. Then Galvatron appears right after. MAYBE the Decepticon ship has some kind of...hyperspace-like ability or something, but we are not TOLD this. Another example of...very poor planning.

Galvatron and Cyclonus; so bad ass they don't NEED to make sense

As far as I’m concerned, this is the best and greatest Transformers story now, and ever will be. A large part of that are the nostalgia and connection to my childhood, but also, a great many Transformers series and incarnations have come and gone in the 22 years since this movie was released, and absolutely nothing compares. We had Beast Wars, which I despise, and a number of Transformers anime series (Robots in Disguise, Armada, Energon, and Cybertron. and there’s even more in Japan, but trust me, they don’t look that good), and they all fail to come anything close to this movie, in any sense. They’re all just...not very good. There’s also the brand new Transformers Animated, which is a weird title because it makes it seem like the Transformers have never been animated before. I’m...not touching that series....It’s just....so very wrong. It’s awful...

We’ve also had new Transformers comics emerge, and sadly, most of those are also just not good. The now-out-of-business Dreamwave Productions is responsible for bringing them back to comics, and their first story was very good, and was classic Transformers. After this movie, I’d call that book the last good Transformers story made. After that, it all went downhill. I sadly have no hope that anyone, ever, will give the Transformers the proper treatment they deserve again. I think a lot of fans like myself would love to see the original Transformers in a new series like this movie. That would be great. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like anyone has any interest in ever doing such a thing.

This movie reminds me what the Transformers are, and what they could be today, but never will be. That does disappoint me, but well, that’s just the way it is. I can always look at this movie and be reminded of what they meant to me as a kid, and the special place they have in my mind; and that determines what they mean to me now as well.

It's the Matrix, Neo. Uh, I mean, Hot Rod. I mean, Rodimus.

Game Review: Burnout Paradise

2008-05-16T03:06:00.006-04:00

Developer: Criterion Games
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Console: Xbox 360/PC/PS3
Release Date: January 2008

The Good
Paradise City is gorgeous. Plenty of traffic, building variety, a lake, sea shore, country side, and countless off-road shortcuts.

No loading while driving around. Paradise City is huge, and as you’re driving to a new area the game loads without you ever noticing it, except for a little icon at the top left corner. There is loading before and after each event, but it’s not terrible.

Marked Man events. You must go from point A to point B, but there will be 3 or 4 black cars out to get you. They will try to make you crash enough times to the point where your car won’t be able to race, and you will lose. These guys mean business.

Road Rage, my favorite event, is back. Opponents seem a little easier to take down this time around, but as you get new licenses the takedown score to beat becomes pretty high.

Online races are a lot of fun. You can also complete online-only challenges with friends, like meeting inside a baseball stadium, jumping together from the same ramp, or making teams to take down opponents.

Located all over Paradise City are breakable billboards, hidden shortcuts marked by yellow fences, junkers, repair shops, gas stations, paint shops, parking areas and super jump ramps that you must find to unlock achievements. I’m having a lot of fun searching for these.

Sound effects are sharp and crystal clear as expected. Tires screeching, glass shattering, engines revving, metal twisting, etc. The in-game Dolby Digital 5.1 never gets old.

The Bad
No offline multiplayer, not even 2-player split-screen.

Events can’t be restarted. That means that if you mess up an event, like a 3 minute race, you have to reach the finish line for the event to end, and if you’d like to retry it you have to drive back to the starting point. This is incredibly annoying.

DJ Atomika, the announcer, just won’t shut up. He says the most obvious and idiotic things, like, “try not to crash” and “use boost to go faster.” I don’t think a single gamer likes him.

Stunt Runs are a bit on the lame side. You are given a limited amount of time to reach a high score by completing stunts, like clearing super jumps, performing barrel rolls or breaking billboards. It’s not terrible, but it becomes dull and repetitive quick.

You can no longer pass an event by finishing on 3rd place. You don’t even win medals anymore. Either you finish 1st, or you don’t finish at all.

No crash mode. Every Burnout has had a crash mode. What the hell was Criterion Games thinking? There’s a Showtime mode where you crash and your car starts tumbling down the road as you try to hit as many cars as possible, but it is not nearly as fun as the previous crash modes. Lame!

The music selection, while not bad, is not as cool as I had hoped. My favorite one is “Paradise City” performed by Guns N’ Roses.

Cars are still driven by ghosts. Is it too hard to put some freaking drivers inside the cars?

In Burnout Revenge you could steer your wrecked car after a crash and slam into opponents for an after-touch takedown. Not any more. Another problem with takedowns is that if you perform a takedown on a car and that one makes other cars crash, you’ll only get 1 takedown point, unlike before where you could get as many takedowns as there were opponents.

There are no weather changes. It’s always daytime, with clear skies. It’s a gorgeous-looking city, but come on, not even a single drop of rain or nighttime? Lazy programmers.

Burnout Revenge introduced the Crashbreaker Race, where you could make your car explode after crashing to take some of your opponents with you. This is gone, sadly.

For whatever reason the Burnout series has never featured licensed cars, so every vehicle looks somewhat similar to real cars, but aren’t.

Car-checking is no longer allowed, so if you hit a car from behind you will wreck your car.

Bottom Line
If you’re new to the Burnout series you’ll love Paradise, but fans of Revenge will miss many features that are inexplicably absent. Also, if you’re not planning to go online, forget about playing locally with your friends. Still, there’s plenty to do in Paradise City to keep you pushing the pedal to the metal for a long time.

New Movie Photos: G.I. Joe and Son Goku

2008-05-14T21:17:00.004-04:00

Some new G.I. Joe movie images have surfaced again.

Lord....Just....awful.

I mentioned in last week's Coming Never that I had seen one of Storm Shadow and he looked like a reject from The Matrix. Well, a new image of him is out again, so you can see what I mean. And....he has a mask in this image. Just....it looks bad.

I guess Destro doesn't have a mask in this movie, which I guess would look weird. But he's also not bald. So...he looks like the Doctor wearing a suit.

And what's with the Baroness's giant, glittery belt buckle? What, she shop at Wet Seal or something? I guess it's supposed to look like snake skin or something...Also, her glasses suck. She needs actual frames.

Unfortunately, no shots of the Mummy (Arnold Vosloo) as Zartan yet. I really do wonder what they're going to do about his character....

I still can't really imagine why, of all people, they decided Ripcord HAS to be in this movie, especially if not many Joes are actually in it.

So as you can see, everyone wears the same outfit essentially. I guess it makes sense for the Joes to wear uniform battle gear...when they ARE in battle, just like any military does. But...I don't know.

But I also don't really care much anyway because his movie is going to suck so much ass it'll be the world's biggest liposuction clinic.

Source: ComingSoon.net

Also, the first image of Justin Chatwin as...Goku, in the dreadfully in-production Dragon Ball film has surfaced....

I don't even need to comment. The hair is awful. Yeah, I know Son Goku has a bizarre hair style, but he's also a cartoon character. The hair is just one of many reasons this movie cannot really work, and should not be attempted.

This movie....is also going to suck supreme ass. Actually, I don't know which movie is going to suck worse; this, or G.I. Joe.

Source: AnimeNation.com

COMING NEVER: A Great Disturbance

2008-05-12T08:53:00.003-04:00

As most people have come to realize, George Lucas is basically... senile now, or something. Or at least, he’s just become... wackier. None can explain it, but we’ve all seen it. This comic wrote itself, literally, when I saw the direct quote I inserted from the man himself. I don’t have many real doubts that the new Indiana Jones will be a good movie, but Lucas’s statement doesn’t fill me with confidence either. He just sounds like he doesn’t care. Maybe he doesn’t really. I don’t know. I’d feel a lot worse about this if Spielberg was not on board, basically keeping Lucas in check. And I think he’d be extremely surprised to hear about how we, the fans, actually DO remember the movies we love, and how we still experience them. But Lucas has often made it clear that fans are perhaps the strangest species of all life in any galaxy he has been in or created, and he doesn’t quite seem to grasp them. I agree to an extent; there is indeed a whole other universe of weirdness among the fans... And yet, I understand them more than Lucas usually seems to. The tremors in the Force we create when Lucas does or says something bizarre, such as this here, go largely unfelt.

There will be another Indiana Jones comic next week, too, to coincide with the opening of the movie. So that will be a trilogy of Indiana Jones comics right there. It’s just been too easy to think about these kinds of jokes. ‘All too easy’, you could say.

Donnie Darko Gets a Sequel (From People in Stupid Man-Suits)

2008-05-11T22:36:00.004-04:00

The unthinkable is happening.

It has been reported that yet another sequel that should NEVER be made is indeed being made anyway, which in itself isn't surprising.

Donnie Darko, the acclaimed cult hit from 2001, is getting a sequel, S. Darko, and...starts filming this week, reportedly.

The report says "Set seven years after the first film, little sister Samantha Darko and her best friend Corey are now eighteen and on a roadtrip to Los Angeles when they are plagued by bizarre visions."

No.

Just....no.

I love Donnie Darko. It's a great movie (by the way, I may review it sometime. It's on my list, basically...) But all you have to do is see the movie and realize NO, there should NOT be a sequel. Just...no. There should never be one. And if you have not seen this movie before, do it. NOW.

I'm also confused about Richard Kelly not being involved in it. Did...he approve of this movie?? Or does he have no say in the matter at all?? I assume if he did, he would not allow this to be made....Auy....

I want to be sucked down a wormhole to where this movie will never exist...

Source: Dark Horizons

Movie Review: Rush Hour 3

2008-05-10T10:07:00.006-04:00

Starring:
Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker, Max von Sydow, Hiroyuki Sanada, Yvan Attal, Noémie Lenoir, Tzi Ma

Director:
Brett Ratner (Money Talks, X-Men: The Last Stand)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for sequences of action violence, sexual content, nudity and language.

Release Date:
August 2007

Synopsis:
After the Triads attempt to assassinate a Chinese ambassador, Hong Kong Police Chief Inspector Lee and LAPD Detective James Carter wind up in Paris, where they're both out of their element - tasked with taking down the organized crime family.

The Good:
- It’s always amusing to see Chan and Tucker interact.
- Chris Tucker is back! I had not seen him since... well, since Rush Hour 2 in 2001.
- There has to be more good stuff but I can’t remember...
- Ahh yes, the bloopers at the end. Funny stuff!

The Bad:
- Yet another Chris Tucker Michael Jackson impersonation.
- Jackie Chan is getting old and his action scenes are a whole lot milder.
- I don’t think I laughed at any joke in this film.
- Ridiculous, over-the-top final showdown with the bad guy, Hiroyuki Sanada. Completely unoriginal and predictable.
- No Roselyn Sánchez.

The Ugly:
- That giant Chinese martial artists. What that done in CG? Freaky.
- Inspector Lee likes porn.
- Enough with the racial jokes. Blackanese, smelly Frenchman, etc. Not funny at all.

Bottom Line:
Brett Ratner and crew have squeezed all the milk this cow had to offer. It’s time to move on to other projects. I can only recommend this to diehard Rush Hour fans, if such fans exist.

Movie Review: Heavy Metal

2008-05-08T10:59:00.004-04:00

Starring:
John Candy, Eugene Levy, John Vernon, Harold Ramis, Percy Rodríguez, Richard Romanus, Caroline Semple, Vlasta Vrana

Director:
Gerald Potterton

MPAA Rating:
R

Release Date:
August 7, 1981

Synopsis:
A time and space-transcending green orb links together various stories of those who encountered it.

My Two Cents:
This movie is weird. It’s pretty infamous for being just that. That, and violent. And having boobs. And it’s animated. But there is something remarkable about this movie as well that is worthy of praise and viewing.

Now, my synopsis sounds confusing, but... well, that ‘s basically what happens in this movie. A green, sentient orb, called the Loc-Nar, is the common theme/element in this anthology. It’s not really explained what this orb is exactly, except it describes itself as ‘the sum of all evils’. It’s also not clear what it really wants... but it’s evil. You do get the idea that it’s evil. And people all over time and space seek it out in an attempt to gain power. Now, you usually can’t touch it with your bare hands; it disintegrates you. I say ‘usually’ because there is a story in which someone picks it up with no problem, and carries it with him. I don’t think this is a continuity error; it was done on purpose for some reason. I’m just not sure what it is.

Anyway, the movie opens with the famous car flying through space and landing on Earth, and driving to a house. Yeah, that part makes no sense... But this is where the Loc-Nar appears, and for some reason, it wants to share some of its experiences with this now fatherless little girl. So all the stories in this unfold from the Loc-Nar telling them to this girl. I have no idea why the Loc-Nar cares what this girl thinks about any of this, and why the Loc-Nar wants the girl to know to begin with. The girl is probably not even listening because she’s too terrified that a big, green glowing ball has just killed her dad and is eventually going to kill her.

The stories all vary in subject and art style. It’s a wide variety, just the like the underground comic magazine, Heavy Metal, from which this is inspired from. It is inspired from works from such big-names as Dan O’Bannon, Bernie Wrightson, Richard Corben, Moebius, and others. As such, there is no uniform look to the stories of this movie.

The stories include:
Soft Landing: the intro part with the flying car in space. After it lands, the... astronaut drives to his house, where he releases the Loc-Nar for his daughter to see, and the Loc-Nar kills him, and begins telling his stories.

Harry Canyon: a cab driver of the same name in a futuristic, trash hole New York City takes in the fare of a woman on the run. She says the men after her want something she has; the Loc-Nar (although she didn’t know what it was, apparently). Harry helps her get the money for the Loc-Nar, but the woman double-crosses Harry to keep all the money. Harry kills her with a disintegrator in his backseat he uses to ward off robbers and carjackers. This story actually is very noir and pulpish, and reminds me of something you might see in Sin City. Only, you know, not in the future, and not with a time and space transcending orb.

Den: A boy named Dan finds the Loc-Nar, which he thinks is a meteorite. After conducting an experiment with lightning, the reaction with the Loc-Nar sends Dan into some other realm; another planet or universe. It’s not clear. In this world, the Loknar is worshipped as a god, and two opposing sides want to use its power. Also, Dan has turned into a big, muscular, naked adult named Den. He meets a girl, who is somehow also from Earth. He saves her from being sacrificed, but has to save her again. At the end, they fly away together on a giant bug. Den doesn’t want to go back to Earth, and seems to understand the Loc-Nar is evil anyway.

B-17: The pilot and co-pilot are the only two crew left alive on board a B-17, during World War II. The Loc-Nar appears and follows the plane, and then boards, turning the dead crew into zombies. The pilot escapes and lands on an island, which, not coincidentally I’m sure, is full of the wreckage of other planes, from both World Wars. And the dead crew are still around as well, sealing the pilot’s doom.

Captain Sternn: a futuristic space story in which Captain Sternn, who resembles Superman, is put on trial for a vast list of terrible crimes; 12 counts of first degree murder, 14 counts of armed theft ‘of Federation property’, 22 counts of piracy, 18 counts of fraud, 37 counts of rape (WTF???), and 1 moving violation. Good Lord, this guy is far beyond being an asshole or a scumbag. He’s been charged with 37 counts of rape??? That’s... just unspeakable and unthinkable... The trial is disrupted when Sternn’s witness he hired in his favor transforms, Hulk-style, and rampages after Sternn... until he gets his payment, that is. But Captain Stern double-crosses his witness in the end. Apparently, it was the Loc-Nar, which was the size of a marble in this story, that provided these transformation powers... but that is not clear. So Beautiful, So Dangerous: this is more or less the story with the least purpose. Two aliens and their robot abduct a woman from the Capitol Building and fly away. There... seems to be no real reason for this either. Except that the robot wanted to have sex with her. Yeah. Maybe that was the whole point of their breaking into the building. I can’t say. Also, the aliens just snort some form of alien coke and crash the ship anyway. What I do like about this story though is that their ship was shaped like a smiley face.

Taarna: This story is the highlight of the movie, and actually seems to be the whole end purpose of the movie. In yet another futuristic world, but still fantasy-looking, a band of barbarians became mutated (or otherwise transformed) when the Loc-Nar crashed into a volcano and... erupted green sludge all over them... The barbarians seek to conquer the land around them and attack the governing council. There is only one hope; the last warrior of the Taarna people. This is the woman on the front cover of the video, and poster. She never speaks, but she is a strong and skilled warrior, and sets out to take down the barbarians when she discovers who killed the council. She also swims naked to a statue where she gets her impractical and non-protective outfit, and sword. After she kills the barbarian leader, being critically wounded herself (uh, because she wears no armor), she rides her giant... bird thing... into the volcano of green sludge, where the Loc-Nar is. She must sacrifice herself to save the land. This is the story that seems to be the real point of the movie because the Loc-Nar telling the story to the girl is destroyed, and the girl is revealed to be... yet another of the Taarna. One of those giant birds appears somehow, and she rides away on it. Yeah, this all isn’t really clear, since it’s not explained. But transcending time and space is what this movie is all about.

The problem with this movie is that it has a lot of beautiful art, but it just doesn’t always look good when it’s moving, if that makes any sense. Some things in this movie just... look too weird when they are in motion, and would be best left as the comic work they are inspired or taken form. Some of the animation just looks kind of jerky and not too well-done anyway. It varies depending on what story it is.

However, this movie does deserve some credit for what it does have. Taarna in particular is great, and it has some beautiful background colors and backgrounds, period. There was no motion-capturing when this movie was made, but they used something else for this story. If I am not mistaken, the Taarna warrior was animated over footage of a model who performed her actions. Hence, the animation on her is often very smooth, and natural-looking. The segment where she is getting dressed is particularly notable, and beautiful to watch. But this movie all stringed together just makes for weird watching. Even if the Loc-Nar was explained more clearly, this is just a very odd movie. You’d really need to see it to even try to understand how odd it is. But I imagine there are weirder movies; like Eraserhead.

People always think about sex, boobs, nudity and violence when this movie comes up. Probably because this is non-Japanese animation that has all of those things. These things are not the..highlights or top points of the movie, I guess, but they do happen. If you think animated sex and boobs are weird, you’ll just find this movie to be more bizarre anyway.

This movie was recently parodied on an episode of South Park, and I thought it was awesome. They specifically had parodies of Soft Landing, B-17, and Taarna, of course. The episode particularly made a big deal about boobs, and exaggerated the use of boobs that are actually in this movie. But it was pretty funny.

You know what this movie also has is... big muff. I mean... yeah, they’re big. Do they even naturally grow that high? And... that thick? I just... want to point that out... *cough*

The other most noted thing about this movie is the soundtrack, which has... well, mostly rock. I wouldn’t say any of this music is exactly ‘heavy metal’ though... But it does have two songs titled ‘Heavy Metal’, one by Sammy Hagar, the other by Don Felder (Felder’s song was used in the South Park episode). Other artists include Devo, Blue Oyster Cult, Donald Fagen, Journey, and one of Homer Simpson’s favorite bands, Grand Funk Railroad. This makes the soundtrack feel very dated, but the music also feels appropriate for the movie anyway. I must say the tracks were all pretty well-chosen, and a lot of people consider this to be one of the greatest or best soundtracks ever, if not one of the greatest or best albums ever.

There is another Heavy Metal movie, Heavy Metal 2000 (originally entitled F.A.A.K.-2), which was released in 1999, but it contained only one story, and is far from being as appreciated and celebrated as this movie is. Also, according to Heavy Metal's web site, another movie might be made; this one being CG animation, as you might expect. But it also says it probably won’t have any of the stories in this movie in it; so in other words, this movie will not be a redux. It sounds like this movie is still up in the air though.

I think this movie is worth at least one watch, just to experience how weird it is, but also because there are aspects of it you can appreciate; especially if you’re a fan of funnybooks, probably. You might end up hating the movie, or just otherwise disliking it, but well... I said Legend was ‘something else’ in my review of that movie. This movie is...probably farther out there, making this movie even... more of a... ’something else’. You decide whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Two-Face Revealed! The Spirit Haunts This Christmas! Iron Man 2, and Other Avengers Movies Announced! And, Doom 4 in Development!

2008-05-07T19:24:00.008-04:00

- Two-Face, as played by Aaron Eckhart in The Dark Knight Returns, has been revealed, as posted by figures.com. I must say... it's pretty disgusting. Keep in mind that Harvey Dent's face is burned with acid, so this seems...fairly believable, I'd say.

- It's the Spirit of Christmas. It's been announced that Frank Miller's rendition of Will Eisner's The Spirit has been pushed up from January 13, to Christmas; THIS year.

The movie features Gabriel Macht, Samuel L. Jackson, Scarlett Johansson, Eva Mendes, Sarah Paulson, Stana Katic, Dan Lauria, Jaime King, Paz Vega and Louis Lombardi.

A lot of fans are looking forward to this movie, but there are a lot of detractors too, who don't like the changes Miller is making from Eisner's work. Those are always legitimate causes for concern, but I'll reserve judgment until the movie is released. After all, look at all the grand changes made to Spider-Man and Batman...

Source: Dark Horizons

- It's the Age of the Avengers. Marvel is already making sure Iron Man 2 goes into development as soon as possible, right after the uber-success of the Iron Man movie that was just released last week.

Iron Man 2 already has a release date of April 30, 2010. But that's not all. Surprisingly, 3 other Avengers-related movies have release dates. Thor is scheduled for release right after Iron Man 2, on June 4th. Captain America (or as the article names it, 'The First Avenger: Captain America') is scheduled for May 6, 2011. Finally, The Avengers is scheduled for an unspecified day in July, 2011.

I had no idea any of these movies were that close to being made or in development. You hear the occasional mention sometimes of Captain America, and Thor was mentioned some yonks ago. But now it sounds Marvel wants these things rolled into high gear fast. Stay tuned...

Source: Dark Horizons

- id Software has revealed they have begun development on Doom 4. And they are looking for new workers.

"Doom is part of the id Software DNA and demands the greatest talent and brightest minds in the industry to bring the next installment of our flagship franchise to Earth... It's critical for id Software to have the best creative minds in-house to develop games that meet the standards synonymous with our titles", stated id CEO Todd Hollenshead.

Nothing else has been stated about the game, but it's at least official that the game is in development. Expect the game to be on PC, of course, and I'd assume 360. Will Sony get Doomage too, and have it on the PS3?

Source: 1Up

COMING NEVER: Silent But Deadly

2008-05-05T08:46:00.004-04:00

See, I told you they all wouldn’t be the same thing over and over again. There’s no sitting in front of the computer in this one.

Anyway, I’m not making it a secret that I am not looking forward to the G.I. Joe movie. It...just looks and sounds awful. I’m certainly not convinced that Hollywood clown shoes will handle it right. I didn’t look forward to the Transformers film, and as I suspected, I found it pretty bad. I don’t think G.I. Joe will be any different. I intended to write an article about this later. The movie doesn’t open until about a year from now, so hey, I have plenty of time...

I’m sure Ray Park will make a decent Snake-Eyes. They probably just need him for his martial arts and acrobatic training. And since Snake-Eyes doesn’t talk, hey. Unless they decided to record over his voice again. But uh, let’s just hope that Snake-Eyes stays silent in this movie, too... And yeah, let’s hope he...looks taller in this movie.

I realize Storm Shadow doesn’t look like how he does in the movie, in this comic (I can no longer find the image of his appearance online. It seems all sites took them down). This comic was drawn before that image was released. Needless, his original, classic look is much better than how he will look in the movie. He basically looks like a rejected thug from The Matrix; probably one of the many working for the Merovingian. He’s got a white leather (or maybe latex?) coat and everything. And no mask. All the more reason this movie will be just plain not good.

I made a note of apology there to Ian McConville, who I stole Snake-Eyes’ pose from. I needed a good one, and I thought of something he did once. And his was also a chibi, so hey. I love his work, he’s just plain awesome. So, thank you, Ian, and erm... sorry.

ESRB: Earthbound IS Coming to the VC??

2008-05-04T23:02:00.006-04:00

I don't usually report things like this, because you might as well consider it 'rumor' status. This has not been officially confirmed by Nintendo of America, however, it seems that Earthbound is indeed coming to the Virtual Console.

The ESRB has it listed, with a rating of 'E' (the SNES game was rated 'KA' under the old rating system), and the platform listed is 'Wii'. So... naturally, one assumes this means the VC.

However, Nintendo of America has not officially commented on this, or made an announcement. We need to remember that. This news is being reported all over the web that the game has been 'confirmed'.

Well, I won't consider it a 'confirmation' until NoA says something. Sometimes these things do happen. For example, sometimes Amazon has listings for items that are actually not being released, or have had no official release announcement. Best Buy also posted a PS3 remake of Final Fantasy VII on their site right before the PS3 was released, and absolutely no such announcement was ever made that this game was even being made, never mind being released. In fact, Squenix kept saying 'No, we are not working on this game'.

So my point is, I'm not considering this a 'definite' thing until NoA officially says that it is. However, there is hope. If this game is on the VC, this could potentially mean the biggest thing of all; IF enough people bought EB on the VC... then MAYBE NoA will release Mother 3, eventually... I wish my hopes were exceedingly high.... However, I am trying to be positive.

You know, it is definitely eerie that right after the results of Nintendo Power's poll were released, this information from the ESRB was uncovered.... ¬ ¬ So stay tuned for more news.

Source: Starmen.net

Movie Review: Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

2008-05-04T12:15:00.004-04:00

Starring:
Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Jason Bateman, Zach Mills, Ted Ludzik, Jonathan Potts, Paula Boudreau

Director:
Zach Helm

MPAA Rating:
G

Release Date:
November 2007

Synopsis:
When the 243-year-old Mr. Magorium discovers his health is failing, he turns over his fantastical toy store to the quiet, depressed manager, Molly Mahoney. Since the store reflects the energy of those who run it, Molly must work to lift her spirits and help the shop recapture its magic.

The Good:
- Natalie Portman is still cute as a button.
- Jason Bateman, known as the Mutant, is likeable for some reason.
- Some of the toys in the store look so retro you wish you could own some.
- There’s this one monkey plush toy that’s always trying to touch Jason Bateman’s character, but can’t. He’s just so adorable…
- There’s no singing.

The Bad:
- It’s a non-Disney, non-animated G-rated movie. Think about it.
- It is never explained how Mr. Magorium lived to be 243-years-old, or where he got his magical powers.
- When Molly discovers she can use her musical talents to control the store’s magic, she starts waving her arms around like an idiot as if she was conducting an orchestra. Believe me, you have never seen more awkward movements from a human being before.

The Ugly:
- Molly’s haircut makes her look boyish.
- Dustin Hoffman looks repulsive as Mr. Magorium, with his silly hair and oversized teeth.
- Little Eric Applebaum, the hat collector, has no friends because he’s weird, but then befriends a 39-year-old man and invites him to his room without his mom’s permission...

Bottom Line:

Leave this film for little kids who don't know any better, or if you MUST watch every Dustin Hoffman or Natalie Portman movie.

Boll 'Bouts For Bay's Blood? Nein!

2008-05-01T10:59:00.004-04:00

Uwe Boll hates his critics. He has even challenged any of them to fight him in a boxing match. But he also has said previously that he would quit making movies if 1 million people signed a petition demanding he stop. He apparently hasn't been happy with the results so far, as a great many people have signed it so far, and Boll has even accused Steven Spielberg of forging names on the petition. Yeah .

Well, now, Boll also has a problem with Transformers director Michael Bay, and he wants to fight Michael Bay in the boxing ring.

Well, Michael Bay has responded to Boll's, errmm...challenge.

He has stated in part:

"Can we stop talking about this guy! I never even heard his name till last week when he made threats and rants. The guy is a ******* idiot, making threats to me, Clooney, Eli Roth, says he has a doctorate - but uses the word "retard" in his vocabulary, come on.* When you look at his videos, what is interesting are the backgrounds. I guess his low rent offices, with 15 year old 3/4 machines, archaic computers, this is just some dumb chump trying to get some fame when he has none, so he has to make Youtube lame quality anger rants. Guy just want attention because he can't get any for the so called movies he makes. Nothing sadder when he had his screening in LA to an over half empty movie house.

He is a troubled soul - let's not waste time on talking about him please."

'Troubled soul'? *snerk* I wonder about that. As I have said before, I really get the feeling that Boll just plain doesn't care what he says or who hears it, because no one does care what he says. And when no one cares what you say, you can say anything. A lot of people think Boll really thinks he's hot shit, and well, he probably does. But I do wonder how 'hot' he really thinks himself is, and how much of it is him simply not caring what he says.

People also can't help but keep talking about him though, because he's funny. He says things that are just so ridiculous, they are funny to mention. People aren't taking him any more seriously; if anything, people take him even less seriously, if that's even possible....But it's just funny to mention the silly things he says. Just like Jack Thompson.

So sorry, Boll, once again, you get a 'Nein!'.

*This is the rant in reference, in which Boll insults Clooney, Roth and Bay. In fact, he calls Bay a 'fucking retard'. And yes, he does refer to himself, TWICE, as a 'genius'. Yeah. He says about Roth that he is ' [not]Eli Roth, making the same shitty movies over and over again'. No, but you do MAKE shitty movies over and over again. :P

Sources:

Seibertron 1
Seibertron 2

Nintendo Power's Virtual Console Poll: Earthbound WINS the Top!!

2008-04-29T19:08:00.006-04:00

The results are in from Nintendo Power's poll of most wanted games for the Virtual Console. As I reported, Starmen.net urged fans to vote for Earthbound, and Mother, if you like (since Mother 3 is a GBA game, it's likely not ever coming to the VC, if it were to be released). The results... are surprising.

The official results read:
1) Earthbound
2) Super Mario RPG
3) Chrono Trigger
4) Mother
5) Majora's Mask

Yes. Earthbound DID get the top spot for the most wanted game people who voted want for the VC. And Mother got spot #4. Wow. I did not foresee this, at all.

And check that out, Super Mario RPG beat Chrono Trigger??? And Earthbound even beat Chrono Trigger. Wow. Just... wow. That's really something. And I don't know what the hell Majora's Mask is even doing on there. But will Nintendo of America listen to this either? Most likely not. I do hate to say it, but Nintendo is just so dead set on NOT releasing these games, they won't listen to ANYTHING.

But congratulations to us, the fans, anyway, for making our demands known. Let's hope for our demands to be met anyway, but... don't get your hopes up too much...

Source: Starmen.net

COMING NEVER: Cutting Ties

2008-04-28T08:46:00.005-04:00

Not all comics will be like this, in which we’re sitting in front of a computer, presumably looking at the internet, mention a movie, and then an imaginary setting emerges. This is only the second week, and only the second time I’ve done this pattern so far. Things will be different as time goes on. :P

I’m not sure why they decided to put Gambit in the movie of Wolverine’s origin, as opposed to one of the actual X-Men movies. Hopefully they won’t tie his actual origin in with Gambit too much, and preferably not really at all. So I’m not really sure if this will work out very well. Gambit used to really be hot stuff when he was introduced in the funnybooks, and for many years after that. I don’t think he’s retained quite the same amount of popularity today though. I do think of him as kind of a joke nowadays. He may have been cool once, but not so much now. We can only hope he won’t be a joke in the Wolverine movie. However, that won’t really stop us from making jokes about him anyway.

The last panel there is kind of a Frank Miller homage, even though Miller’s Wolverine was not in black and white. I just thought it would be neat to have Wolverine looking like a bad ass at the end.

Speaking of funnybooks into movies, Iron Man opens this Friday. I suppose I should have maybe made some kind of Iron Man comic to commemorate, but I never thought about it. And I can’t think of what I would say even now. Maybe sometime in the future if I can think of something.

EB Siege: PK Tube'N, from Starmen.net

2008-04-26T16:47:00.006-04:00

I've mentioned Starmen.net's movement to bring Mother 3, and even the other two games (Mother 2 having been the only game released in North America, as Earthbound), to North America before. Last year, they started a massive campaign of demand against Nintendo of America, called EB Siege. It consisted of PK Call'N, in which you call NoA to tell them your demand for Mother 3, and the other games if you like; PK Mail'N, in which you send NoA a postcard (or letter) to demand Mother 1/2/3; and NP-Env-Art, in which you send Nintendo Power envelope art, old-school style, related to Mother 1/2/3.

They have now announced a new stage in EB Siege: PK Tube'N.

As mentioned before, NoA removed the tiny Mother 2 demo (which would have been Earthbound here) from the North American release of Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and thus, the fan community sees this as a very, very bad sign. As I wrote about previously, I think this was the last nail in the Mother coffin, from NoA. They don't WANT to bring Mother 3 here, or any Mother game, and are tired of fans demanding it. This new stage in EB Siege was devised. In this one, as you may have guessed, you make a video expressing your demand for Mother 3, and Mother/Earthbound games. Starmen.net is holding a contest for the best video, as well. You can read the rules on the link below.

The thread says to enter the contest, you must reply to SMN's YouTube post. But I guess if you want Nintendo to see your video directly, you'd...have to mail it to them or something? See, this stage in EB Siege is not as direct-to-Nintendo as the other stages were. On the surface, that makes it sound less useful. If you just post supportive videos online (not necessarily YouTube), well, your chance of being heard by Nintendo is probably not nearly as good as it would be if you sent NoA something directly. But it's something. If you do make a great video that a lot of people watch, then word can spread. But...again, that's bit of a roll of the dice.

Well, here's hoping that SOMETHING works, but I once again say that it's extremely unlikely that NoA will ever listen to any fan support for this series at all, no matter how great it becomes.

Source: Starmen.net's PK Tube'N Post

Sr. del Toro Goes to Hobbiton; to Direct

2008-04-25T01:45:00.006-04:00

Guillermo del Toro, director of Blade II, Hellboy, as well as the upcoming Hellboy II: The Golden Army, and Pan's Labyrinth, will be directing The Hobbit for New Line Cinema and MGM. Both movies. Yes. There will be two movies.

Although The Lord of the Rings is the sequel to The Hobbit, they still want two movies made. The second one will be focusing on the 60-year period between the first movie, and The Fellowship of the Ring. It isn't clear what exactly this movie will focus on specifically, however, since there isn't really a book about this to go on.

So I guess they'll just be... making stuff up. This could potentially be quite bad. But it might not be that bad, either... After all, Peter Jackson, the man who gave us Meet the Feebles handled the 'Rings movies, and they're excellent, despite a lot of liberties he took.

There's no script for even the first movie yet, and it is not clear when exactly production will really be underway. But according to the article, 'the general thought' is that filming will be next year; for both movies, it seems, and they will be released in 2011 and 2012.

Keep watch towards the Great Eye for more news.

Source: Dark Horizons

Movie Review: Legend

2008-04-24T20:44:00.004-04:00

Starring:
Tom Cruise, Tim Curry, Mia Sara, David Bennent, Alice Playten, Billy Barty, Cork Hubbert, Peter O’Farrell, Anabelle Lanyon, Kiran Shah, Robert Picardo

Director:
Ridley Scott (Alien, Blade Runner, Gladiator)

MPAA Rating:
PG

Release Date:
April 18, 1986

Synopsis:
Princess Lily upsets the cosmic balance of light and darkness, and freezes the beautiful land after touching a unicorn. Jack, her beloved friend and forest-dweller, must now stop the Lord of Darkness from achieving eternal dark and cold in the world, as well as from marrying his love, Lily.

My Two Cents:
If you didn’t watch this movie when you were a kid, and would only now see it for the first time as adult, you’re probably going to think this is a really weird movie to watch. And you may be in for quite a shock that this is a Ridley Scott movie. After he directed Alien and Blade Runner, but before he directed Gladiator and Hannibal, he directed Legend.

But this movie does have its fan and appreciators, and a lot of that is probably due to nostalgia. A lot of current fans probably did watch this when they were younger, and it just stays with them (Labyrinth has had a similar effect on a lot of people).

So you may wonder, especially given by the brief synopsis, why would Ridley Scott make this movie?? This is the man who gave us the masterpiece that is Alien, as well as Blade Runner. Well, he was actually inspired by a rendition of Beauty and the Beast, originally. Also, Scott has commented that there is something about the movie that seems and feels operatic, and that has occurred to me, too. It seems he also did want to just make a fairy tale type of movie, and specifically notes that he was inspired by old time Christmas cards; you know the kind I mean, with painted art work.

So anyway, this doesn’t necessarily feel like a ‘kids’ movie’, but it does have the kind of bizarre look and feelings that kids often like to see in movies. And again, if you have never seen this before, if you were to watch it as an adult, it’s going to feel weird, and you may actually hate it.

It’s not a really ‘bad’ movie, but... well, it’s just... I don’t know what else to say except that it feels weird at first. It even has... a couple of singing moments in it; Lily and Jack like to sing to each other. And you know, a lot of people also don’t like... fairy people. If that’s the case, well, almost everyone is some kind of fairy-type person, so just be warned.

Tim Curry is absolutely disturbing as the Lord of Darkness. But in a good way, not in a bad way, like when he played Pennywise... Yeah, I think Tim Curry essentially playing Lucifer is NOT as frightening as him playing a clown. I am dead serious.

Anyway, so yes, the Lord of Darkness (who has no other name given, if he even has one) is clearly supposed to be a Lucifer/Devil figure. He sure looks like one, with those HUGE horns, and hooves. I’d call him the highlight of the movie, because Curry does it so well. His own voice is even perfect for the part, and his laughter, while... kind of funny, is still very fitting, and evil. Apart from Pennywise, this is the role Curry is best known for, I think.

It isn’t explained in the movie why exactly touching a unicorn upsets the cosmic balance, but Scott indicates unicorns are basically divine, godly creatures. But still... just touching one can screw up the universe? Weird. Anyway, the Lord of Darkness takes the horn from one unicorn, who dies by the way, and then needs the other, last unicorn as a sacrifice so he can shroud the world in forever frozen darkness. Sunlight kills him, too, making him quite literally a creature of the night. So having a dark world is the only way he could really thrive.

The Lord of Darkness also begins to fall in love with Princess Lily; or is it not really love, and really just plain desire, since that’s what he essentially represents? Jack and Lily clearly love. They love each other, and the love life, and the forest. But can someone with the title of Lord of Darkness, who only gives in to all his greed and desires, actually love at all? Hmmm... I guess the audience decides that one.

Lily is the figure who becomes corrupted by Darkness in this movie, and her first act was touching the unicorn, of course, which Jack forbade her from doing. Once Lily reaches Darkness’s lair, she becomes even more corrupted and evil, and even gets to wear a wicked black dress. And she wants to kill the last unicorn. Wow, that was a big change of heart and personality in such a short time... Scott has also revealed that originally, he was going to have Lily turn into a giant cat-woman... yeah. Well, that sure would have made this movie weirder. But it also would have still been better than Warner Bros.’s Catwoman. *shudder*

By the way, what and who exactly was Lily the Princess of, anyway? You don’t see anywhere else to live except the forest, and one house. ONE house, in the whole forest. Or anywhere.

Even though it was Lily who first touched the unicorn, Blix is a goblin sent by the Lord of Darkness (and the most evil and vile goblin, according to Darkness’s description) to kill the unicorn and take its horn. Blix will probably remind you of goblins from The Lord of the Rings, only smaller. In fact, I was dead sure at first that that the same person played Blix and one of the Mordor goblins in The Return of the King. But it seems that’s not actually the case. They just look a lot alike.

Jack, played by Tom Cruise (Mmm-hmmm), must play the hero, and he has never done such a thing before, given that he lived a quiet, peaceful and happy life in the forest. Luckily, he has a tiny fairy with him, like Tinkerbelle, or Navi in some of the Zelda games. She’s extremely useful because she says she can be anything Jack needs or wants... even ‘what [his] heart desires’. Yes. I think this fairy was trying to... pick up Jack, despite the fact that he is clearly in love with Lily, and wants to marry her. Lily might not be the only corrupt one in this movie...

Jack is aided by some other fairy-type folks, although 3 of them are more like dwarves. The last one, still a ‘little person’, but not a dwarf, is Gump. Yes, that is his name. Only this Gump ain’t a retarded Southerner with a heart of gold. He actually reminds me, in appearance, of Mr. Tumnus from Narnia... But whatever he is, he indicates that he’s near omniscient, and basically leads Jack on his quest to stop the Lord of Darkness. Even though he looks like a kid (because he was played by a kid), he’s basically Jack’s mentor as well as geographical guide, and seems to know what to do, most of the time. That’s good for Jack, who doesn’t have a clue, as he’s just so innocent.

They travel through the frozen forest, and into a swamp, which was not frozen, for some reason... Maybe because it was too evil already. Here they encounter a green, nasty, haggered witch, who is also apparently naked. Her face is actually quite creepy, and probably something that Guillermo del Toro would appreciate and-- oh my Lord, did I just see a green, old witch boob??? DISGUSTING. Let’s move away from the witch.

So the other dwarf people that travel with Jack don’t really do much except bumble around. They’re kind of comic relief, but otherwise don’t have much of a purpose in being there. Gump just brought them with him for some reason.

So the movie is basically about succumbing to desire, and evil, and the dichotomy of good and evil, light and darkness; shadow is always cast from light, etc. I don’t think it will be surprising to reveal that Jack does defeat the Lord of Darkness, and when Darkness is cast back into the mirror he came from (yeah, I...know...but you can figure out some kind of symbolism here), he says that he won’t truly be gone because he lives inside everyone, and is a part of everyone. It’s not hard to figure out what he means by this. You get it. Fair enough.

As for whether or not Jack gets to marry Lily or not, well... I guess the audience gets to decide that as well. Before the land freezes, she took her ring and threw it into a lake, and told Jack she would marry whoever found it. Well, naturally Jack wanted to find it. He lost it, though, but finds it after the land returns to normal and presents it to Lily. But it still isn’t clear if they get married or not. Lily just says she’ll come back tomorrow; she only remembers the previous events as a dream.

The movie has a lot of very pretty imagery. The forest Jack lives in is... quite gorgeous. You honestly have probably never seen a forest look this good in any movie before, and certainly not in real life. ‘This is such stuff as dreams are made of’ indeed. It does seem to have a problem with pollen, or petals or something, falling down on you all the time... but otherwise, it’s really beautiful. There are also a lot of really great uses of lighting, and shadow. I also really loved how the frozen-over house in the forest looked when Lily goes to hide in there. It was... pretty creepy. In fact, it really made me think, this really feels like a nightmare.

Scott has also noted that the movie would have been more convenient, in many ways, if it had been made in the days of CGI, and many of the things they did would have been CGI today, or even 10 years ago. But this movie really does so very well without such effects, and you can appreciate that, too. Yes, here’s another example of how people made movies using practical effects, and still look good.

I watched the director’s cut of the movie, which has the original score by Jerry Goldsmith, who worked with Scott on Alien. As always, his score is great and beautiful. The theatrical cut, however, has all original music by Tangerine Dream, for some reason. I’m not sure if this was Scott’s decision or not; he expresses that he loves Goldsmith’s score, and well, if the director’s cut is his preferred print, then I assume he wanted to keep Goldsmith’s music. Hmmm...

It’s a little hard for me to say how much I actually liked this movie. I did first see it many, many yonks ago, as a young’un, and I had forgotten almost everything, except what Curry looks like as the Lord of Darkness. As I said before, looking at it now, for the first time in many years, as an adult... it does feel differently than you would if you watched it as a kid. It seemed... very strange at first, when I first began to watch it, but then I ‘got used to it’, and it didn’t seem that odd anymore. The initial feeling of weirdness was gone as the movie progressed.

I still find it hard to believe this is a Ridley Scott movie... at least he tried something different, and I can understand some of the motivation and drive to make a movie like this. He wanted to make an operatic fairy tale, and I understand that, and why you might want to make one. However, it’s because of that very concept that a lot of people would probably really not like, and even hate, this movie; even if it is a Ridley Scott movie. It’s not a ‘bad’ movie, but it won’t be for everyone either; an acquired taste, maybe? Maybe you like it more if you watch it a few more times, but this isn’t really the kind of universal movie that a ton of people will want to watch several times.

A lot of people don’t care for Tom Cruise, especially now in his weird Scientology days. However, don’t watch this movie for Cruise. Watch it see something different; and to see Tim Curry in his other frightening, signature role. I probably wouldn’t have really little kids watch it, but it’s a decent enough family movie. I say check it out if you get the chance, and if this is a Ridley Scott movie you haven’t seen yet, well, take a look at something really different that he’s done in his career. You may hate it, you may love it. But it’s... something else, that’s for sure.

Boll Gets a 'Nein!' For WarCraft Movie

2008-04-23T09:20:00.003-04:00

This is honestly too funny. I mean, really. So, Uwe Boll actually did try to get himself onboard as director of the WarCraft movie that Blizzard is trying to develop. Seriously. And of course, Blizzard told him to go dunk his head in a toilet.

According to Boll himself, "I got in contact with Paul Sams of Blizzard... and he said, 'We will not sell the movie rights, not to you... especially not to you because it's such a big online game success, maybe a bad movie would destroy that ongoing income, what the company has with it.'

Boll then continued into a bit of a rant that didn't really have a real point: "You go for it to please the game fans, but on the other hand if you have the hardcore gamers, they live in their own world. And you cannot fulfill their ideas from a video game based movie, it's impossible...To be honest, the real gamers are the typical download guys, right? They don't pay anything for movies, because they illegally download the movies. So why I should please these guys? I need the normal audience."

Well, the part about 'you cannot fulfill their ideas from a video game based movie, it's impossible' is usually true. And Boll is part of the problem that MAKES that statement true. Everything is just his usual nonsense.

So, that's pretty funny, and I might be able to make a comic out of that... :D

Source: 1Up

COMING NEVER - The Saga Begins

2008-04-21T08:56:00.004-04:00

Welcome to the first comic of COMING NEVER, which will have new postings on Mondays.

I decided to do a comic strip about movies because it’s not something you typically see; not i n the funnypapers, and not usually on the web either. Movie references are in comics all the time, but you don’t typically see a comic just about movies. Most online comics seem to either usually be about games, overall computer/dork stuff, and... elves. Or otherwise, fantasy themes. There’s nothing wrong with those things themselves, but I thought, if I made a comic online and was just another joke comic, what would be different about it? What would I do different that most other people are not doing, and yet, people can still relate to and find funny?

I thought that movies was a simple, and pleasing answer. I love movies, and love jeering them and pointing out their follies, even if they are movies that I like. And basically everyone watches movies. I do realize that the problem may arise that well, not everyone watches the same movies; just as not everyone plays the same games, so not everyone understands or appreciates the jokes in game comics all the time (myself included). But hits and misses are going to happen anyway. So I began to think simply about what kinds of movie jokes I could think of, and that’s how this comic started to come about.

I plan to overall have this be a black and white comic, simply because I cannot use color, in any medium, very well. It’s a phenomenon, is all I can say. But as time goes on, I may play with things here and there. We’ll see.

I hope you enjoy this comic, and continue to come back every Monday for new updates. So this comic is in reference to the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. In particular, it references to the movie’s poster, by Drew Struzan, in which there does seem to be the skull of typical gray-type alien... This comic then wrote itself after I saw the poster. How’s that for a first comic? I actually am looking forward to the movie, and wonder what the skull really means.

This isn’t the first comic I originally intended to post, nor is it the first I made, but it seemed like a good idea, the more I thought about it. I’ll probably get to my original post plans eventually.

No More Alien Movies For Sigourney Weaver

2008-04-19T21:13:00.005-04:00

So if you've ever wondered about a fifth Alien movie, and what might happen, and of course, if Ripley will return again, well, it's now officially no, she will not.

Sigourney Weaver recently mentioned the subject in an interview, and has expressed that she won't return for another movie, if one is made.

And that's primarily because, in her words, the series was 'killed' by Fox, with Alien VS. Predator. She... does not like the move Fox made with making those movies, and has expressed before that she does not like AVP at all.

Specifically, she said "Fox has effectively killed it because of 'Alien vs. Predator.' What else can you do with the creature? You can take the situation, you can go back to where they came from... to play someone who ages a couple hundred years was fascinating. [But] let [Ripley] rest."

Amen, Sigourney. I have to agree. Alien Resurrection should not have even been made. I do not think a fourth Alien movie should not have been made; but Alien Resurrection should not exist. That movie is actually the prime reason I hate Joss Whedon. But that's another story...Anyway, but what's also a shame is, she mentioned making another one with Ridley Scott again. She said in part "The last time [Ridley and I] saw each other we talked about it. The character is still interesting [and] I'd love to work with Ridley again".

But well, that's not going to happen now. And that's a shame... It'd be awesome for Sigourney to return again, even though I... hate the idea of the... Ripley clone... But still...

So, forget it, fans. She's not coming back. Indeed we should just let Ripley rest, and be at peace.

Also, James Cameron was working on a script for a fifth Alien movie, too, but... he also backed way, way off when Fox decided they wanted to Alien VS. Predator 2 (if I can find the article I read that in, I'll post it...).

This is a sign, Fox, when three BIG and popular people in Hollywood who have worked for you in popular movie series are now telling you to go fuck yourself because you're making bad movies instead of using these hot talents to make decent ones.

Source: Dark Horizons

MK VS DC! Fatality!!

2008-04-18T22:05:00.004-04:00

This is probably the least likely and most unexpected piece of gaming news I've heard, since at least Darth Vader and Yoda being in Soul Calibur IV...A crossover game is coming of... Mortal Kombat and... the DC Universe. Seriously. And weird.

Called simply Mortal Kombat VS. DC Universe (at least for now), will be, well, a 3D fighting game featuring MK and DC characters. The only revealed characters are the 4 most obvious ones; Sub-Zero, Scorpion, Batman, and Superman. There will also be something called 'Klose Kombat', which is descriebd as 'brutal, up-close fighting mechanic with damage, torn clothing, and bruising', and 'Freefall Kombat', which has not been specified.

Comic writers Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Grey have been hired to write the story for this game. But there will be two ways in which this story plays out; one from the DC side and the other from the MK side, with each side being invaded by the opposite side's universe.

More should be unveiled at this year's E3 in the summer, with the game expected to be released in the Fall; for 360 and PS3.

Sources: Newsarama 1Up.

GameStop Gets Exclusive Special Editions: MGS4, SCIV

2008-04-16T16:32:00.004-04:00

Do you like to give your hard-earned money to GameStop? Well then, there are a couple of special editions you may want to inquire about.

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots will have a special limited edition at GS. For $85, you'll get the game (of course), plus a case with new art work by Yoji Shinkawa, and a BR disc with 'making of' specials, and a soundtrack record. Catch it June 12. SNAAAAAAKE!!

On July 29, Soul Calibur IV is coming, it was just announced. And GS will have a special limited edition of that game, too. For $80, you'll get the game in a tin box, plus a t-shirt (design has not been shown..), an art book and 'some sort of exclusive downloadable content'. The game is on both PS3 and 360, but it seems the special editions apply to both consoles.

Ghost in the Shell Film Coming

2008-04-15T22:03:00.005-04:00

DreamWorks has announced they have acquired rights to make a film of Ghost in the Shell. The movie will also reportedly be filmed in 3D, like James Cameron is filming his current movie, Avatar. The movie will be produced by Avi Arad, former head of Marvel Studios, and will be written by Steven Koss, writer of the recently released Street Kings. No release window has been given.

Originally a manga by Shirow Masamune, it became an anime movie as well, which was uber-popular in Japan and in the U.S. Another anime movie, Ghost in the Shell: Innocence, was released in 2004. There were also two anime TV series, Stand Alone Complex, and 2nd Gig, which have been released in the U.S. in 2005 and 2006. The anime movie in particular has become a signature of anime in North America.

The original manga told the story of Major Motoko Kusanagi, working in 2029 Newport City for Section 9, a division of public security. Section 9 investigates cyber-crimes, that is, criminal activity involving cyborgs and network technologies. Every member of Section 9 was a cyborg except for Togusa. They began to investigate a strange entity calling itself the Puppeteer, who, when captured, gave the the ominous explanation 'I am a life form, spontaneously born from the sea of information'. The first volume also had the tag line 'In a world where the human mind can be programmed like a computer, at what point does the human soul end and the cybernetic machinery begin?'

Don't... ask me what the second volume is about... I honestly... have no idea...

My thoughts about this: I'm not that big of a Ghost in the Shell fan. The manga are almost IMPOSSIBLE to understand, and it probably is impossible to have a 100% accurate interpretation of them, especially the second volume. The anime movie I found to be waaaaaaay overrated. It has very beautiful imagery, and is excellently constructed. I suppose you could call it an artistic masterpiece in that regard. Except for the characters themselves; not only do they not resemble Shirow's characters, which is okay, but...they're UGLY. Look at Kusanagi; she's UGLY in that movie. The TV series also disappointed me. They don't really seem to have much of a true point, and don't seem very Shirow-esque, although almost none of the anime based off any of his works feel Shirow-esque, unfortunately...

This could potentially be a decent movie (unlike, say Dragon Ball... Auy…). You can't say that about very much manga/anime; they tend to only be best as... just manga and/or anime. But only if it's handled properly. I unfortunately don't have very much hope that it WILL be handled that well. I'm sure they'll do things like, make it take place in North America somewhere, and have mostly American people... even though Newport City IS a part of JAPAN in the story. You know, crap like that.

I can't say I'm immediately that excited about it, but we'll just have to wait and see.

Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

2008-04-15T12:16:00.004-04:00

Starring:
Johnny Depp, Keira Knightly, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Chow Yun-Fat, Bill Nighy, Jonathan Pryce, Jack Davenport

Director:
Gore Verbinski (Mouse Hunt, The Ring)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for intense sequences of action/adventure violence and some frightening images.

Release Date:
May 2007

Synopsis:
As the age of piracy comes to a close, Captain Jack Sparrow, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann must sail off the edge of the map, navigate treachery and betrayal, and make their final alliances for one last decisive battle. Our heroes must face Lord Cutler Beckett, Davy Jones and Admiral James Norrington in a titanic showdown that could eliminate the freedom-loving pirates from the seven seas - forever.

My Two Cents:
I’ll start by saying I didn’t watch any of the three Pirates of the Caribbean movies in theaters because I am not a fan of pirates. I don’t care about the way they talk, their treasure stealing, songs, excessive alcohol consumption, and all that other crap pirates are associated with. I do like Johnny Depp and Jerry Bruckheimer so I gave the first PotC a shot on DVD.

I remember I watched it with my sister and my girlfriend at the time (now my wife) and they both fell asleep about 2/3 into the movie. Each of them had only fallen asleep once before, my sister with the first X-MEN and my wife with Blade Runner. Curse of the Black Pearl seemed too long and I just didn’t care about any of the characters, especially Elizabeth Swann. Everyone else that saw it loved it, especially my mom. About two years later I rented Dead Man’s Chest and for reasons I have yet to understand I really enjoyed it, along with my wife. The cliffhanger ending did suck, but now I couldn’t wait for part 3.

A few weeks ago I finally rented At World’s End, and although I had fun with a few scenes I was mostly disappointed with the film. This time I almost fell asleep halfway, and I never fall asleep watching movies. The first movie focused a lot on Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann’s romance, and I’m not a romantic fool so I didn’t care for it. The second movie was more about adventuring and had Jack Sparrow in a more important role, and I totally dug that. Now, for part 3, they went back to Will and Elizabeth’s romance, and Sparrow isn’t even in the movie for more than 30 minutes.

I detest Elizabeth Swann and can’t imagine her surviving a day on a pirate ship. She looks so puny and fragile. For reasons that elude me she is all over At World’s End, from start to finish. She is even named King of Pirates, or some shit like that. What the fuck? Now, I do like Will and felt bad that his bride-to-be was being a whore in part 2, but for part 3 he’s more bad-ass and likeable. He literally goes to hell and back for the love of his life. Once Sparrow finally shows up he enjoys plenty of screen time, but there are so many fucking characters that take the simple fun of the first film away.

The final battle after Calypso goes apeshit and the Black Pearl squares off with the Flying Dutchman is awesome. There’s so much shit going on that you lose track of time, but it’s really fun. Too bad the rest of the film is so dull.

The Pirates of the Caribbean series is a giant gold mine for Disney, but I really hope they don’t do a fourth installment or at least wait about 5 years to make it. There is only so much you can do with stinking pirates without milking them dry.

Score:

Movie Review: Superman - Doomsday

2008-04-12T18:30:00.003-04:00

Starring:
Adam Baldwin, Anne Heche, James Marsters, John DiMaggio, Tom Kenny, Swoozie Kurtz, Cree Summer, Ray Wise, Adam Wylie

Directors:
Bruce Timm, Lauren Montgomery, Brandon Vietti

MPAA Rating:
PG-13, for strong action violence.

Release Date:
September 18, 2007 (Video Only)

Synopsis:
Lexcorp accidentally frees the alien super-killer, Doomsday, and Superman is the only one who can stop him. But he loses his life in the process, and Metropolis must cope with the loss of their great hero. Or do they? Superman suddenly returns from the dead and returns to fighting crime, possibly better than ever. But what's wrong with this Superman, and how did he return from the dead?

My Two Cents:
The first thing I wondered when I heard about this was; why wasn't this movie made YEARS ago?? The storyline this movie is inspired from happened 16 years ago. Although truth be told, during the long process of Warner Bros. making a new Superman film, which of course, became Superman Returns, there was an idea of making the movie about Superman's death. And none other than Kevin Smith had written a screenplay for it (or he might have written several drafts, I'm not sure). the project was called 'Superman Lives!', and then 'Superman Reborn', before Warner scrapped it entirely, and went through another long process of figuring out how to make the next movie...

But I digress. Anyway! So this ANIMATED movie is inspired from (I will not say 'based on' because it really overall isn't. There are too many differences) the Death of Superman storyline that ran in the Superman funnybooks. And actually, the commercial for this video claims the movie is based on 'the best-selling graphic novel of all time'!! Uh...really? I'd like to see the numbers to prove that...

The animated DC heroes have a lot of fans who love all the various series, and only want more, more, more. And a lot of those fans are adults as well. This movie is Warner making a more 'adult' animated Superman movie. It's not TOO adult, but the farthest they've gone so far, I think. It has a lot of violence, of course, and A LOT of people DIE in this movie. It's not just Superman. Even Lex Luthor literally gets away with murder in this movie. That's something you wouldn't see on Cartoon Network...

Now, Doomsday has already appeared in episodes of the Justice League show, and there was also a story on that show where everyone thought Superman was dead (but not by Doomsday), and there was a big funeral for him attended by all the superheroes. So in a way, you could say Warner has already done this before. But then again, also not. Whatever the case, this movie is not meant to take place in any established animated Superman/DC continuity, and is its own movie.

And well....it's okay. It sadly is disappointing. It's not a terrible movie, but well...they could have done so much more with it. I know I'm sure not the only one who feels this way...At least they thankfully didn't delve into the 4 different Supermen story...

The story has a lot of problems. First, the fight itself with Doomsday. You do get the point, but in all honesty, Superman doesn't LOOK that hurt. In the original funnybook, he just got the shit beat out of him, and you knew it. You could tell in this movie he was getting hammered hard, and feeling weakened, but...I don't know. It just didn't feel all together...Maybe they didn't want it to be too 'graphic', even though this is a more 'adult' movie.

Now, I'm going to get into spoilish material here. So after Superman dies, there is a funeral, but there are no heroes attending it. Now, again, one reason may be because Warner already had a funeral for Superman before on the Justice League show, and it had all the heroes there. This movie, although animated, seems more like what they would do if this did happen in a film, like Warner planned on doing. You wouldn't see other heroes there, most likely. Although, then again, you could also explain it away that maybe there was a funeral already with heroes, and what we see is just the Metropolis public funeral. I wouldn't call this a problem with the movie really, but a lot of people didn't care for it.

So there is another villain in this movie. Toyman. Yeah. Fucking Toyman. He looks like some semi-gothic loser who lives in his mother's basement, and is very childish. I can't imagine why, of all people, they decided to put Toyman in here... Auy... So Toyman has a giant mechanical ant that terrorizes the city, and suddenly, Superman comes back from the dead and stops him. So this is the first hint about his return, but there is clearly something wrong with this Superman. That's because it's not the real Superman. It's a clone created by Lex Luthor.

Now...you know what happened the other times Luthor tried to clone Superman? Bizarro. Yeah. That's how Bizarro was created in Post-Crisis Superman, and on the Superman animated series. So apparently Luthor has not so much difficulty creating a clone THIS time, but all those other times he sure did. Weird.

So does the real Superman return? Of course. And guess how. Come on. Well, you're not going to. So here is the secret; he didn't REALLY die. Nope.

Okay. So Superman has a robot in the Fortress of Solitude that took the 'carcass' from Luthor, and the robot brought him back to the Fortress to rejuvenate Superman. He explains that...Superman did not really die. His body simply slowed way down so he could heal... Does that make ANY sense???? ANY??? And since when CAN Superman do that??? This may not take place in any established continuity, but there should still be consistency with what Superman can and can't do, right?

So anyway, yeah, that was a real sour point in the movie....And pretty much the worse point. So the robot helps Superman to heal, while the fake Superman fights crime, and...to an extreme. He basically becomes a facist, and declares that he alone is the lone authority that gets to decide what is best for the city. He even threatens an old lady about keeping track of her pets, after he gets her cat out of a tree. I'm serious. He makes it clear to this old lady not to let it happen again. Oh and he also kills Toyman. Yeah. After Toyman is arrested for murdering a 4-year-old girl (also VERY serious. You don't see it at all, but it is reported on the news), the Superman clone takes him into the sky and drops him onto a police car. And trust me... Toyman is DEAD. So this clone is basically taking over Metropolis, and of course, only Superman can stop him. And as you can guess, he does in the end, after he heals. He even wears a black suit similar to the one he had in the comics when he came back to life.

Meanwhile, Luthor was actually trying to create an army of Superman clones. Again, so in this movie, he has very little trouble cloning Superman, unlike in other continuities. You do see the usual failed experiments in cells, indicating there were some problems. But this secret lab is largely full of clones who look perfect. So not too much trouble. But the active clone destroys the lab, right before he knows he must make his final stand against the city. The voice acting is really good in this movie, and was cast very well. Baldwin was a good Superman, and Heche was… well, not who I'd probably have picked for Lois, but she had some great moments. But Marsters as Luthor was really good. He really fit the role well and sounded like a great, classic Luthor. DiMaggio did Toyman... ermm... maybe too well... That's all I'll say...

One thing that bugged me was they drew Superman with these lines/creases on his face that sometimes made him look really old. I guess it was supposed to be his cheek bones, mostly, but..in this type of style, it didn't really work... Luthor got a radical redesign in his face, and sometimes... he looked REALLY creepy... I thought it was overall weird at first, but then I thought it was fitting.

Another thing that bothered me; what did they do with Doomsday's carcass after the fight? Was he even dead? You don't know. They..left that out, for some reason. In the comics, Doomsday was...sort of dead. He did die, but one of his abilities is one in which he can keep coming back to life. So he died and returned, but was thrown into space by the fake Cyborg Superman. But in this movie, you have no idea. I suppose he died, for all intensive purposes, but it's a mystery of what happened to the carcass.

Also, the Superman clone breaks free from Luthor's control when he decides Luthor is not the best authority figure; he is. But Luthor controls the clone through the use of a Kryptonite bomb in the clone's brain. The tiny shard will kill him if Luthor sets it off. So the clone removes the shard from his own brain by reflecting his heat vision off a mirror and into his own head. Now, that was just plain weird. Is that even possible for Superman to do?? CAN he hurt himself with his own heat rays? I've never heard of that. So Kryptonite is not his only weakness after all...

The movie is overall not really 'bad' to watch, but again, you can't help but think they could, and should, have done so much more with it, considering what the subject is. Superman doesn't even actually die at all in this movie. That's the biggest scam of all. I'm also not sure the title is really that fitting, because the actual fight with Doomsday is not that long, and it's not the whole movie...

So if you like Warner's animated DC heroes, you may want to check this out. It's not the best it could be, but it's not that terrible either.

Let's All Stop Uwe Boll From Making More Movies

2008-04-10T10:56:00.004-04:00

In case you haven't heard, there's an online petition going around to make Uwe Boll stop directing movies. He said that if 1,000,000 people sign it he will retire, but he also begged his fans (lol) to start another pro-Boll petition. As of 11:00 AM of today there are over 160,000 signings on the get-the-fuck-away-from-the-cinema-industry petition, and counting. If you've suffered through shit like BloodRayne, Alone in the Dark or House of the Dead you owe it to yourself to sign the petition. Here's the link.

See what I mean? This guy is insane and must be stopped. Talking shit about Michael Bay, Eli Roth and George Clooney? My God... just go and sign the petition.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl: Top 5 Brawlers (Shirow Wolf)

2008-04-10T10:04:00.004-04:00

Super Smash Bros. Brawl has been out for a month now, and it's been a monster success. Certainly it was the most anticipated Wii game, but I'd say overall the most anticipated game on any Nintendo system in a long time.

I like the game a lot, too. It's far from perfect (the controls are the main problem, especially in Subspace Emissary Mode...), but it's a great play, and Wii owners should definitely check it out. I'm not going to review the game because I don't really have anything significant to say, and nothing different from what everyone else has already said. If you have a Wii, at least play the game. That's it.

However, I am going to present my 'commando' list of my Top 5 Fighters. This isn't a list of who I am necessarily 'best' with, but they are the ones I use the most, feel the most comfortable with, and those I would want to have with me in a major battle. These are all characters I find easy to use as well, but at the same time, they're still great fighters. In no particular order:

Zero Suit Samus: You won't believe how fast she is. Her attacks may not pack the strongest punch, but if you're that quick, it may not matter. Sonic the Hedgehog is TOO fast and you have to be careful with him or you're going to get killed easily; but ZS Samus is just right. She doesn't LOOK that quick necessarily, when the computer is playing her, but when I play her, yeah, she feels fast. This doesn't have anything to do with how she plays, but if you use her taunts... she TALKS. And she sounds... very sultry.

Toon Link: A lot of people have found what I did; Toon Link is surprisingly awesome. He's quick and agile, and a hard striker. His attacks may even be stronger than normal Link's; I'm not sure. Now I like Link in this game, too, but overall prefer Toon Link. they're really not the same. You may not like how he looks art style-wise, but don't let that push you away.

Kirby: I probably could not have completed Subspace Emissary Mode without Kirby, honestly. He was THAT useful (but again, the controls on that mode... are just really not good. Kirby did make it better to get through), and I swear, he was the ONLY character who could get past some of the things in there... As far as being a fighter goes, as is the case in every entry in this series, I have found, Kirby is a prime choice. The floating ability does help A LOT, and will save your life probably more times than you'll be able to recall. And of course, he's a very versatile fighter, being able to take attacks from opponents by using his infamous vacuum technique. But Kirby has strong attacks on his own as well; he's overall just extremely useful.

Falco Lombardi: Yeah, Falco. I like Falco. He's GOOD in this game. He has a lot of speed, is a decent jumper, and has hard-striking attacks. He's... sort of like Fox McCloud, I suppose, but better. The two are not exactly the same, and I find Falco is surprisingly good. He's got me through a lot of tough battles. I've turned to him a lot. But...be careful using the Falco Phantasm... it goes far so make sure you don't use it too close to an edge...

Meta Knight: He is a lot like Kirby, as others have already noted. He doesn't have the vacuum ability, of course. He also has a floating ability that will save your life, and it helps to give him a great recovery rate, which will definitely save you many, many, many times. He does have decent attacks, and is a very formidable fighter. If I can't have Kirby, then often times I want Meta Knight as a close substitute.

Now here's my list of the top 5 fighters who I also like, but just didn't make my final Top 5 list. It's not my Bottom 5 fighters, but rather the honorable mentions who didn't quite make it. In no particular order:

Marth: He is similar to Ike, but I find Marth better simply because he's faster. That's really it. It was a VERY close call to have Marth in the final Top 5, and I do like Marth, and he is a great fighter... But just barely didn't make it.

Wolf O'Donnell: I was surprised at how much ass this guy kicks. I mean, really. Yeah, he's sort along the same line as Fox and Falco, but I'd say better than Fox, but... just not quite as good as Falco. I'd prefer to have to rely on Falco, ever so slightly, so he just barely didn't make the final 5. I still like Wolf a lot though.

Solid Snake: I couldn't wait to try Snake, and he only sort of disappointed. He actually is LIKE a snake; he crawls along, but he strikes fast and hard. He is quite dangerous and is a great fighter. But well, because of his overall lack of much speed, I would not be able to rely on him a whole lot. SNAAAAAAKE!!

Link: I relied on Link a lot at first, but then I unlocked Toon Link... Link is still excellent, but with Toon Link being overall better, Link just didn't make the final 5. He probably would have, if Toon Link was not in the game.

Pikachu: He got me through some difficult times in SSE, and overall is a decent fighter, with preferable agility, and some of those attacks are pretty strong. But I prefer a fighter with more 'weight', I guess, as part of it. And I just felt better handling some other fighters instead, and with more, stronger attacks.

Movie Review: A Scanner Darkly

2008-04-08T22:54:00.002-04:00

Starring:
Keanu Reeves, Woody Harrelson, Robert Downey, Jr., Wynona Ryder, Rory Cochrane

Director:
Richard Linklater

MPAA Rating:
R, for drug and sexual content, language, and a brief violent image.

Release Date:
July 28, 2006

Synopsis:
Sometime in the near future, Bob Arctor is an undercover police agent investigating the use of a drug called Substance D. He essentially befriends the people he is trying to bust, but as a result of his own drug addiction, he begins to lose his own mind.

My Two Cents:
I like Shin's format for reviews so I'll use it here. So this movie is based on the book of the same name by renowned and celebrated author Philip K. Dick. I have not read the book, but I gather the two formats are a lot alike. And that's part of the problem, really. I honestly had a very difficult time liking this movie at all. It didn't seem to have much of a real point at all except a generic 'this is how life should NOT be' view. Well, okay, that's fine. But if I am supposed to get more out of this movie, I don't get it. I didn't really sympathize with the characters, because I don't sympathize with people who decide to destroy themselves with drugs. This is basically what this movie is about. Now, anti-drug messages are fine with me. But this movie doesn't really take that approach even. It...focused a lot on the group of friends just....not really freaking out, but clearly not being in clear or understandable states of mind. Or at least, obviously altered states of mind. One of them begins having severe hallucinations and freak-outs, and also commits suicide.

The movie also very abruptly ends. We have Arctor being taken into rehab, and sent to work for the institution on a farm. You assume this is because Arctor is infiltrating the institution, and there is more of the movie in which he uncovers the truth and reveals it. But that doesn't happen. The movie ends with him being in custody and we don't know what happens to him after that. It just feels like this is not the end of the movie, that there is supposed to be more of the movie; like they didn't finish it or something. Maybe the book ends that way, too; I am not sure. But it doesn't feel right.

So what you find out about Arctor is that the two hemispheres of his brain are competing for dominance, and that seems to be the cause of his mental impairments. Now, this is a real disorder, so that in itself is not weird. But when I was watching the movie, I just assumed he was depressive, or at least melancholy, all the time because, uh, he's using drugs. That also made sense. It just...took too long to get to this point in the movie, because they were focusing more on the druggies...not doing anything important. There just wasn't something right about that because the movie didn't seem to have a point and it was taking too long to get to one.

It's also weird because Substance D is not defined or shown. At all. You have no idea what it looks like or how it's used, or what it's made of. What's good about this though is that it shows that you don't have to continuously show people using drugs to get the point across that they are addicts. But...the drug itself is not shown or described at all. Why is it called 'Substance D' anyway? What does the name mean or refer to?

The scramble suit is a neat, and odd, idea. It's a suit that flashes many, many different types of people and clothes at the same time and is always changing. They're used to conceal identities of people like Arctor, since he's an undercover agent, and...also a drug user...

There is one twist to this movie, and it surprised me, too. You really don't see it coming; when someone else in a scramble suit reveals their identity.

There also wasn't anything wrong with the acting. Everyone was fine, and played their parts well. I'm also going to refrain from making Robert Downey, Jr. jokes...

This movie was made in two ways, basically. The movie was filmed with all the actors; sometimes behind green screens, or partial green screens. Then, every frame was digitally painted over, so it looks like a CGI movie, but it only is somewhat. The characters were not made from scratch, no. The movie thus has a very stylized look, which I did like and appreciated.

However, it takes more than just pretty imagery to make a good movie. They might as well have not even bothered.

So even though this is a movie review, and not a video review, I have to mention that I did watch the special features on the disc, which would hopefully help shed light on what the point of this movie was... They did, or one did, rather. One feature has an old interview with Philip Dick, from 1977, in which he describes that the book is basically his reaction to...the Nixon Administration, and his participation in the 'counterculture'. I think he basically means the drug-abusing 'counterculture' of the 1960's that did seep into the early 1970's. It is true that Dick did have drug problems, which his own daughter admits to, in this feature as well. Dick is basically a paranoid man in this interview, describing that he 'knew' that...the government was watching him, for reasons he cannot name. He says his house has been broken into and ransacked before, and he 'knows' that whoever it was was looking for 'something', which he also cannot identify. First he says he has 'no doubt' (direct quote) that the government did break into his house, but then shortly after, in the same part of the interview, he says he doesn't know who did it. It's very unfortunate to see and hear, from his own mouth, how paranoid he was.

It's also explained that the original book was basically written as Dick expressing his pain over his own drug problems, and over the pain of his friends who also suffered from drug problems. The end of the movie does have text written by Dick, which may be in the book, in which he dedicates the work to several friends who suffered and/or died as a result from various ailments; probably from drug use. It is too bad to hear that such things did happen. I just didn't feel that when watching this movie; that this was about, or related to, Dick's own drug-related pain. It's one thing when you're reading a book written by the author's own hand, and you also read and understand it's about his pain. But that just didn't go over well into a movie, and doesn't seem to fit. This is where the two formats don't really relate well, even if the movie is a decent transfer from the book.

But in this feature, some of the cast and crew also claim...this movie is directly related times today, because as Wynona Ryder said, we're always being watched. She does not say by who, however. Other cast and crew say 'the current administration' is related to this kind of thing, and the movie applies to them as well.

So in other words, it sounds like Dick wrote the book because he was paranoid, and also suffering from drug-related pain and loss of loved ones, and the movie was made because the cast and crew are also paranoid....That's honestly the impression I got, and it makes me see this movie even less favorably than I already was.

Unfortunately, I thus really can't recommend this movie very much, if at all. I suppose Philip Dick fans will want to check it out, especially if they have read the book. But other people who are not familiar with Dick or his work may wonder some of the same things I did when I watched it, and see little real point to the movie. It has pretty pictures, sure, but that doesn't make the movie. Also, if I have to resort to the extra features in order to really figure out a main purpose for this movie, that's definitely not a good sign. It should be more clear than that.

Sorry, but I have to say this. This movie is largely... 'BOGUS!' I didn't say I wouldn't make a Keanu Reeves joke.

RPG Watch: April 2008

2008-04-06T20:40:00.005-04:00

Here are RPG's coming out this month you might want to keep an eye on. If you like RPGs that is.

Baroque (Wii, PS2): April 8- A dungeon crawler in which you must discover the secrets behind the world of ruin you wake up in. The name comes from a type of person in this world who basically suffer severely from their own delusions; 'Baroques'. There are also Meta-Beings, who have become monsters after completely succumbing to their 'Baroques'. A theme in this game is described commonly as 'death is the beginning', because when you die, you do die, but some different things happen in the game as a result, such as unlocking new areas, and new character dialogue.

Rondo of Swords (DS): April 15- This strategy RPG focuses on the body double of Prince Serdic of Bertwalde, after the kingdom is attacked by the Grand Meir Empire. The game features a different kind of battle system, in which when you move units, you move them through your allies and enemies, and attack those in your way. Choosing a path to move your units plays a great part in battles, and there will also be a variety of units for combat as you would expect, each with special abilities and features.

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness (DS): April 20- To understand the Pokémon, you must become the Pokémon. Just as in the other two Mystery Dungeon games (Red and Blue Rescue Teams), your character has somehow gone to another world populated by Pokémon and has become a Pokémon. You then go on an adventure of treasure-hunting with your Pokémon allies. Each game also has an exclusive Pokémon you can unlock, just like the regular series. If you really, really, gotta catch 'em all, the games, that is, then this should serve you well.

Persona 3: Fes (PS2): April 22- Did you miss Persona 3 last year? Or maybe you just can't wait for Persona 4. Well, you're in luck. Not only does this game come with an expansion to the original game, it comes WITH the original Persona 3, which was not the case for the Japanese release. This set contains The Journey, which is basically the first game, and The Answer, the new expansion, and is more of a typical exploration RPG, and has less of the...dating activity than The Journey does. It also adds about 30 more hours of game time. Fight your way through your high school against evil beasties during the Dark Hour. Let yourself become a typical, emotionally imbalanced high school student so your Persona will become unleashed, in this installment of the cult, fan-favorite series.

The World Ends With You (DS): April 22- The words 'hip', 'fresh' and 'urban' are often used to describe this game, with music reminiscent of 'hip-hop' and techno sounds. Taking place in Japan's Shibuya district (yes, a contemporary setting RP), you play a boy named Neku who was seven days to complete all the tasks of the 'Reaper's Game'...or else. His psychic powers will help him along the way, as well as partners in each chapter.

Charlton Heston Dead

2008-04-06T01:46:00.004-04:00

Charlton Heston has died. He was 84 years old, and survived by his wife of 64 years, Lydia, his two children Fraser Clarke and Holly Rochell, and three grandchildren, Jack Alexander, and Ridley and Charlie Rochell.

The following statement was released from his family: "To his loving friends, colleagues and fans, we appreciate your heartfelt prayers and support. Charlton Heston was seen by the world as larger than life. He was known for his chiseled jaw, broad shoulders and resonating voice, and, of course, for the roles he played. Indeed, he committed himself to every role with passion, and pursued every cause with unmatched enthusiasm and integrity.

We knew him as an adoring husband, a kind and devoted father, and a gentle grandfather, with an infectious sense of humor. He served these far greater roles with tremendous faith, courage and dignity. He loved deeply, and he was deeply loved.

No one could ask for a fuller life than his. No man could have given more to his family, to his profession, and to his country. In his own words, ‘I have lived such a wonderful life! I've lived enough for two people.’”

He has been the President of the Screen Actors Guild and Chairman of the American Film Institute, and of course, the President of the National Rifle Association. In 2003, he was awarded the highest honor a civilian may be bestowed, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Heston won the Oscar for Best Actor in 1959 for Ben-Hur.

His other major films include Soylent Green, El Cid, The Ten Commandments, The Greatest Story Ever Told, Earthquake, 55 Days at Peking, and of course, Planet of the Apes. He also made a special, uncredited appearance in Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes, as Zaius, the father of Thade, and delivered a variation of one of his famous lines from the original movie.

Rest in peace, Charlton. You are forever part of American history.

Movie Review: El Orfanato (The Orphanage)

2008-04-04T13:30:00.004-04:00

Starring:
Belén Rueda, Fernando Cayo, Roger Príncep, Mabel Rivera, Montserrat Carulla, Edgar Vivar, Andrés Gertrúdix

Director:
Juan A. Bayona (El Hombre Esponja)

MPAA Rating:
R for some disturbing content.

Release Date:
October 2007

Synopsis:
With fond memories of the seaside orphanage where she was raised, Laura persuades her husband to help her revamp it as a facility for disabled children. But once they move in, their son Simón begins to exhibit dark and disturbing behavior. As Laura tries to understand Simón's increasingly malevolent actions, she becomes drawn into the house's terrifying secrets.

My Two Cents:
Being an orphan at an early age must be tough, and living in an orphanage for the disabled must be even tougher. This is where Laura (Belén Rueda) grew up, although she didn’t seen to have any physical limitations. Perhaps this is why she was adopted before all the rest. Many years later, now an adult, Laura buys the abandoned house that used to be her orphanage. Along with her husband Carlos (Fernando Cayo) and their adopted son Simón (Roger Príncep) they start a new life near an old lighthouse.

Simón is seriously ill, and doesn’t know he’s adopted. Laura and Carlos love him more than anything and take great care of him. Even so, Simón, as many children, has imaginary friends. In time Simón starts talking to more and more imaginary friends, until Laura finally sees one of them, her son Simón disappears and a terrible chain of events begin to send her into desperation and psychological nightmare.

I think the movie’s plot is pretty sweet. Orphanages have been portrayed as creepy places before, and although this one is nice-looking, it holds many dark and disturbing secrets beneath its walls. I guess you could say this is a ghost movie, but the “ghosts” look solid and can be heard walking around, inside the freaking walls.

I got creeped out pretty good through 2/3 of the movie, with one Poltergeist-ish scene topping them all. By the third act, when Laura finally starts connecting the dots about the orphanage’s mystery, the creepiness fades a little and things start getting more confusing. By the ending I had too many questions that went unanswered. I usually have no problem with reaching my own conclusions, and actually like to be teased by the writers, but I suffered throughout the whole movie with Laura and couldn’t quite tell what happened at the end. It’s not that I couldn’t enjoy the film because of this, not at all.

The acting was great, as the art direction and general mood. I suggest you watch El Orfanato before Hollywood “recreates” it with an American version. Maybe they’ll do a good job, but I doubt they’ll top the original. Good creepy fun.

Score:

Nintendo Power Virtual Console Poll: Vote for Earthbound!

2008-04-03T11:17:00.005-04:00

The newest issue of Nintendo Power asks readers to let them know what classic games they want to see on the Virtual Console, and want readers' lists of the top 5 choices they have for games, and the results will be posted 'in an upcoming issue'.

However, take note that NP does say "This is for polling purposes only, and will in no way determine future Virtual Console releases".

'In no way'? Then why bother? Well, they are a magazine who is simply asking for audience feedback. That's part of it. But also, well, maybe Nintendo of America will take notice of some of the most popular choices, and consider putting them out on the VC.

Naturally, Starmen.net is all over this, and suggests that if people want Mother and Earthbound/Mother 2 on the VC, they should put these games on their list.

As I have shared, it now seems astronomically unlikely that NoA is going to ever touch the Mother series again; they don't want to release Mother 3, and it seems that Earthbound will not be on the VC, by Nintendo's planning.

But you know what, do it anyway. Put the Mother games on your list and send it to Nintendo Power anyway.

Oh and the other 3 games can be whatever you want. Go nuts. :P

Mail your lists to Nintendo Power at vcpoll@futureus.com.

Source: Starmen.net

Movie Review: Live Free or Die Hard

2008-03-31T12:34:00.004-04:00

Starring:
Bruce Willis, Justin Long, Timothy Olyphant, Maggie Q, Cliff Curtis, Jonathan Sadowski, Kevin Smith

Director:
Len Wiseman (Underworld)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, language and a brief sexual situation.

Release Date:
June 2007

Synopsis:
The decidedly low-tech John McClane calls on the services of a young hacker in his bid to stop a shadowy group intent on taking control of America's computer infrastructure.

My Two Cents:
America is under attack, again! Duck and cover, run for the hills! No wait, who’s that in the distance? It’s John McClane (Bruce Willis). John fucking McClane! Yes, the same McClane who rid the Nakatomi Plaza of German terrorists, saved the Virginia Dulles International Airport and prevented New York from being blown out of the map.

This time McClane faces a pissed off computer genius named Thomas Gabriel (Timothy Olyphant) who threatens to start a “fire sale”, which means to cut the nation’s communications and gain control of it. To do this he needs the help of the country’s top hackers, who help out without knowing what their skills are being used for. One of these hackers is super nerd Mike Farrell (Justin Long). They’re all offered a great sum of money for their help, but then they start getting killed by the mysterious villain one by one. John McClane just happened to be around when it was Ferrell’s time to die, and is saved after an intense shootout. Lucky bastard.

The FBI goes into a panic when their computers are hacked, and as much as they hate it, they must rely on McClane to do the dirty work. No surprises here. Even worst than getting involved in this mess, at some point Gabriel kidnaps the only important person in McClane’s life, his daughter. Oh boy, now it got personal. Want to bet how this is going to end?

Bruce Willis’ life as an action star has basically come to an end, and the same goes for John McClane. He can still kick ass, and he sure as hell does in this fourth movie, but it’s clear he won’t be doing this for much longer. This is perhaps why it’s so cool to see Willis play McClane one more time. This is the best Die Hard since the first one back in 1988.

The action gets crazy early on, with insane stunts, car crashes, explosions and shootouts. Some people were bothered with some of the CG special effects being too over-the-top but I loved them. It’s a Die Hard movie, and crazy shit is going to happen.

I found it strange that the Blue-ray version I watched was rated PG-13 since all other previous movies were rated R. The action is there, as are the one-liners and jokes, but it just feels odd not hearing the “F” word every three minutes. This is John McClane we’re talking about. I guess Fox wanted to reach a broader audience, and it payed off because Live Free or Die Hard is the most successful movie in the series, earning over $380 million worldwide.

Score:

From a Certain Point of View- the Transformers Film

2008-03-27T10:32:00.006-04:00

So Shin Lord has already shared his review of the Transformers film from last summer. Now I'm going to give you my thoughts on the movie, since I was finally able to watch it. Shin and I differ very much about this movie though; he loved it, and I did not. So I'm basically going to give you a view of the movie 'from the other side', as it were. This won't happen with every movie that is reviewed of course, but I do want to give another look at this movie that was so huge last year, and almost universally received great reviews (but there are also people who didn't care for it, like me).

I'm not going to give a story breakdown because Shin already did that. I'm going to get right into the issues I have with this movie. It...has a lot of problems. I actually didn't have great expectations for this movie when I first heard about it anyway. I didn't think it would be done well, and probably couldn't be. And then I saw 'leaked' designs of the Transformers, and that sealed it for me. I thought they were awful, and all the more reason I didn't want to see the movie, and I thought it would be bad. I love the Transformers, and they were a grand part of my childhood, so I was not happy with how this was looking. But then it got almost universally great reviews, which surprised me. And since I could watch it for free (no, not through an illegal download...), I decided to give it a shot.

First of all, one of the universal criticisms (when there WERE criticisms that I saw..) I have heard about this movie is 'TOO MUCH PRODUCT PLACEMENT!11'
One of my co-workers said it best. It's the Transformers; it's product placement by definition. Firstly, they started as toys. But secondly, they all transform into actual...things (except Megatron, in this movie. He does not transform into a Walther P-38, or any other type of weapon. He's...a....Cybertronian jet, I guess). All the cars you see are real cars. But that's the case in almost every movie you see that has cars; they're all real cars. How come no one calls that 'product placement', or makes a fit about it? It's the same thing.

As for other product placements in this movie, yeah, I saw them. But...so what? Yeah, that computer is a Hewlett-Packard. Yeah, they said the name Nokia in regards to a Nokia phone. So what? It didn't ruin the movie for me.

No, there are other things about this movie that bothered me.

Yes, the teen love stuff was done very poorly, and largely a waste of time. It also didn't help that they tried way too hard to make Sam a complete loser that never gets girls. Okay. I get it. I don't have a problem with there being human characters, and, you know, trying to develop them. But Sam's loserness, if you will, was done poorly. Or...in some ways, it may have been done too well.

So Bumblebee could only communicate...using his radio. Why did they decide that Bumblebee can't talk, to begin with? I didn't understand the point of that. Also, communicating using only a radio; that sounds more appropriate for Blaster, who WAS a radio. Also, it was...too weird that when Bumblebee wanted to talk, he just...tuned in his radio and....played transmissions that happened to fit what he wanted to say, somehow. But how did he know what was, or was going to be on, radio broadcasts? Or did he record things he had heard before? If that's the case, okay, but SAY SO. Same thing with when he turned the radio to....'mood' music, when Sam was dealing with Mikaela. So....Bumblebee understands what 'romantic' music is? Or rather, what people think about music?

I also did not think it was funny when Jazz said "'Sup, bitches?" That....was really dumb. Oh yeah, let's make Jazz even more of a stereotype. Brilliant.

Frenzy was just annoying. Why did he keep making those dumb noises? Was there any reason FOR him to not shut up? He wasn't even talking to anyone. Also, I thought it was kind of weird that Frenzy transformed into a radio. Well, if they wanted that, why not obviously use Soundwave, who was a radio (and one of the most recognized Transformers as it is)? But then again, Frenzy was about as tall as a person, kind of like the original Frenzy and Rumble were. I guess that wouldn't do Soundwave justice if...he was....a tiny Decepticon.When the movie was finished and was shown in the movie houses, Brawl was incorrectly identified as 'Devestator' in the final cut. They had a good while to correct this mistake (which I can't imagine how it was even made to begin with) for the video release. But nope. This mistake is still there in the home video release. That may not sound like a big problem, but uh, yeah, I think it kind of is. they got a character's name wrong. There really isn't an excuse for something like that. and again, they could have changed it for the video, but still didn't. I call that sloppy.

I also wonder why did they feel the need to make up all-new Decepticons instead of using some of the original ones. Barricade and Blackout they just made up. Blackout is a helicopter, but why not just use Vortex? He would also go along with Brawl; they were both Combaticons. As for Barricade, he was a police car, and well, if they wanted to use a police car, the Decepticons didn't have any. The Decepticons actually had almost no cars...But they could have used one of the Stunticons. None of them were police cars though....So, I don't know. Barricade's existence makes a little more sense from that standpoint.

However, on the subject of Barricade....they did something....really stupid with him. In his police car form, on the side, it says 'To Punish and Enslave'. Seriously. And the Decepticon emblem was right there in the local police insignia. Oh yeah, those things will REALLY fool people into thinking you're a genuine police car. I mean, really. That was BAD.

Scorponok didn't really fit; he was the only one who was not a vehicle. He was a giant robot scorpion. Oh yeah, he really blended in well on Earth. Giant scorpions are all over the Middle East. Gotta watch out for them. He also wasn't that big. He was only bigger than Frenzy. That was kind of weird. Also, Scorponok was a weird choice to begin with. The original Scorponok was a massive, triple-changing 'city'-scorpion-robot. Actually, was Scorponok even a Transformer in this movie, or was he just a big, metal scorpion? He doesn't transform. Hasbro did make his movie toy transform but, uh....there's almost no difference. But we don't see that in the movie so it doesn't matter. The point is, Scorponok just doesn't belong here.

The overall Decepticon roster was weird, and random, anyway. We have Megatron and Starscream, who are essential. And then two they just made up (Barricade and Blackout), one who didn't fit (Scorponok), and then....Bonecrusher, for some reason, and who is originally one of the Constructicons, and then Brawl and Frenzy. They could have done...a lot better in thinking of Decepticons to use.

Also, the All-Spark was a little confusing. So I understand that it was used to basically bring life to machines. So it's...a pretty godly item to the Transformers. Okay. That makes sense, in its own way. But...what didn't make sense was...so...it has the power to only turn machines into EVIL Transformers??? Megatron wanted it for that purpose, of course, but...it looked like that was the ONLY thing it could do. We see the All-Spark's power turn machines into evil, destructive Transformers two different times, and it's evident that Sector 7 had done it several times prior. When we do see two new Transformers 'born' from the All-Spark, all they want to do is destroy everything. So how did the All-Spark go from basically helping create the entire TF civilization to becoming an object that only creates evil robots?

Also, the idea of transforming was confusing in one basic way. So, what we see happen is that the TF's, upon arriving on Earth, scan Earth vehicles, and somehow that gives them the ability to alter their appearance and then transform into that vehicle. Okay....Fair enough. But here's where it starts not making sense. Firstly, when Mikaela calls Bumblebee a piece of crap, Bumblebee drives away and looks for another Camaro, that looks just like him, scans that, and then he becomes THAT all-new Camaro. Bumblebee did look like he was in not too good of shape when we first see him. But...re-scanning another car, even of the same kind....basically repaired him. Also, he was able to scan another car, even if it was the same kind, and he could now change into that one.

So can the Transformers scan vehicles, and other machines, as often as they want, and basically, be able to transform into anything, at any time, as long as they scan it first? So then, why not continuously scan other vehicles to transform into so that the enemy doesn't know who you are? Because eventually, they will know what you transform into. So why not just re-scanning things? Bumblebee basically did just that.

But there's a better example. Frenzy did it, too. At some point, Frenzy is decapitated, but his head can survive on its own (unlike Bonecrusher, whose head could not do that...). He re-scans Mikaela's phone, and he could now transform into a phone.

This is something the original Transformers could not do, and that was pretty clear. Otherwise, again, I assume that they would all have done it, and be able to turn into anything at any time. Like the Megatron; he was a Walther P-38. That's not an impressive gun. If he wanted to be a gun, he could have picked a cooler one, if he had the ability to re-scan things any time.
I also learned that to stop a Transformer, all you have to do is spray cold gas on them. Before anyone says 'Well, they're machines..' and whatnot, yeah, but these are ALIEN machines with transforming powers, for God's sake...

It's also not clear to me why, if the All-Spark just sits inside a Transformer, the TF dies, and the All-Spark destroys itself. So how come the TF's don't die, or get damaged, etc. if they just touch it?

I also have to call complete horseshit on when Lennox falls off his motorcycle, and....slides gracefully, for a good while, actually, on his back, right under Brawl and is able to fire from below. No fucking way. I've seen A LOT of fakey things like that in movies, but THAT really was horseshit.

Also...Scott Ramsoomair, of VGCats, is NOT kidding when in his comic critique of this movie...he drew a Mountain Dew Transformer. That's likely one of the worst product placement moments that detractors of the movie really despised. Yeah...I understand that...

I was also disappointed to hear Megatron speak. Because he is played by Hugo Weaving, I was looking forward to at least that much.... But In all honesty...you can't tell. They altered his voice too much. They...made it deeper. Let me ask you something; if you want Hugo Weaving to voice someone, why would you want to CHANGE his voice?? you want Hugo Weaving for a REASON: Because he's Hugo Weaving. In all honesty, that could be anyone speaking for Megatron. they totally wasted Weaving's talent....

It was great to have Peter Cullen, who IS Optimus Prime (and currently does VO ads for various shows on Cartoon Network) be in this movie. That was definitely a plus.

The effects are top-notch, and do make the film nice to look at. And you really do have to appreciate it because it would have taken A LOT to get this guys to transform various times to and back. It is beautifully done. The robots do look pretty real, too, despite their designs... But I never had any doubts there would be great effects. That was never a concern of mine, and isn't a problem in this movie. However, it takes more than great effects to really make a great movie. And this movie....ain't that great. But again, it's not 'terrible', or even 'bad' either. It's just... kinda beh. It was way overhyped, and way overpraised. Nothing ever lives up to its hype anyway, but this movie was strangely overpraised as well, as being a really great film. I'm honestly not sure why that is. Some people said 'Oh I felt like a kid again!' Really? I sure didn't. I probably would have loved it if I was a kid, but well, far too late for that. I feel more like a kid again when I watch the original Transformers: The Movie, from 1986.

This movie is almost universally agreed on as a 'mind-blowing movie', as James Rolfe (AKA the Angry Video Game Nerd) said...But I sure didn't feel that way. It has too many problems that well...I really just could not ignore. I've seen many, many, many worse movies, sure, but that still doesn't make this movie that great. There's too much room for improvement. I sure don't think it was one of the best movies that I personally saw last year. In fact, all the movies I saw at the movie house (and there were not many...) were better than this one.

So. That's what I think. This is more or less what I expected I'd think of the movie anyway. I was not looking forward to it, and didn't think it would be that great, for a number of reasons. I was basically right.

Sadly, this movie belongs in the Sharkticon pit. Or sucked into Unicron and either crushed, or dumped into the acid vat.

I really don't want there to be any more movies, even though there is A LOT of room for improvement. If this the kind of thing they want to do with these characters in a film series, then I don't want it, and I'm not looking forward to the next one. I won't see it in the movie house either, but well, if I can watch it for free on home video, too, maybe I eventually will. I sure don't want to pay for it.

Game Commercials: Super Smash Bros.

2008-03-24T01:40:00.002-04:00

In celebration of the US release of Super Smash Bros. Brawl I’ve gathered TV commercials from all three installments in the series.

This is hands down the best TV ad for any Nintendo game, in my opinion. It barely shows gameplay footage, but it doesn’t need to. The guys in suits are hilarious and the music fits perfectly with the violence.

I don’t even remember this commercial, but that’s probably because it’s so lame. There’s no fun or excitement here, just a guy looking like a dork. If you take away the brief gameplay video you are left with nothing that has to do with Smash Bros. What the hell?

I like the two Japanese guys, but I really wish Nintendo of America would bring back the guys in suits from the N64 days. Also, the guys playing Brawl with the Wii controllers and nunchuks are making fools out of themselves, because no one can play Smash Bros. with those.

Weekend Box Office Report: Mar 21-23

2008-03-23T18:33:00.003-04:00

Plenty of new releases this week, but people are still craving Horton Hears a Who. G-rated movies can still rock the box office, even against horror flicks like Shutter and comedies about violent bullies like Drillbit Taylor.

1. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who
This week: $25,100,000
Total: $86,470,000

2. Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns
This week: $20,010,000
Total: $20,010,000

3. Shutter
This week: $10,700,000
Total: $10,700,000

4. Drillbit Taylor
This week: $10,200,000 - Total: $10,200,000

5. 10,000 BC
This week: $8,660,000 - Total: $76,100,000

6. Never Back Down
This week: $4,861,000 - Total: $16,824,000

7. College Road Trip
This week: $4,630,000 - Total: $32,005,000

8. The Bank Job
This week: $4,100,000 - Total: $19,430,000

9. Vantage Point
This week: $3,800,000 - Total: $65,300,000

10. Under The Same Moon
This week: $2,602,000 - Total: $3,329,000

Movie Review: The Simpsons Movie

2008-03-23T12:12:00.002-04:00

Starring:
Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer

Director:
David Silverman (The Road to El Dorado, Monsters Inc.)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for irreverent humor throughout.

Release Date:
July 2007

Synopsis:
Homer must save the world from a catastrophe he himself created. It all begins with Homer, his new pet pig, and a leaky silo full of droppings - a combination that triggers a disaster the likes of which Springfield has never experienced. As Marge is outraged by Homer's monumental blunder, a vengeful mob descends on the Simpson household. The family makes a narrow escape, but is soon divided by both location and conflict.

My Two Cents:
Leave it to Homer Simpson to ruin not only his life and his family’s, but also of all the citizens of Springfield. After the Springfield lake’s pollution level reached its limits, Lisa succeeds in bringing attention to the matter and forbidding anyone to dumb any kind of garbage into. Meanwhile, Homer adopts a pet pig and that thing craps like crazy. Homer fills a large silo with pig crap, and his own, until it reaches the top and needs to be thrown away. Now, where do you think Homer dumps the silo?

The EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) contains Springfield’s pollution problem by putting a gigantic dome over the whole town, sealing it away from the rest of the country. It doesn’t take long for the citizens to find out it was all Homer’s fault, and gather an angry mob to go kill him. Homer and his family must find a way to escape the dome, and also find a solution to EPA’s harsh measures.

Although the movie has its moments, it feels like any random TV show stretched to fill an hour and a half. There are barely any new characters, and the little CG they used for backgrounds, similar to Futurama, doesn’t really add anything to The Simpsons. There are no swear words, or anything else not previously seen in the weekly show. Well, there is one full-frontal nudity scene that is both surprising and disturbing at the same time. Still, it’s disappointing not to see the writers go wild with the movie to give us something different from what we’re used to, like Matt Stone and Trey Parker did with Southpark: Bigger, Longer and Uncut.

Anyone will be able to enjoy the pop-culture references and Homer’s stupidity, but fans of the show will get the most out of it. The Simpsons have been on the air for almost 20 years and it’s nice to finally see them in their own full-length movie. If they ever make a sequel I wish they dare to take things a bit farther, but I had fun as it is and recommend it to anyone who has ever enjoyed an episode of The Simpsons.

Score:

First Images of Ray Park as Snake Eyes

2008-03-21T14:45:00.003-04:00

Larry Hama, the guy behind the G.I. Joe movie, released some publicity photos of Ray Park in his Snake Eyes costume. I have to admit he looks sick in that black costume, and I actually got excited about the movie, if only for Ray Park. It's cool knowing that Darth Maul is under that ninja outfit. Wipe them out, Snake Eyes, all of them.

Mother Knows Best; NoA Does Not

2008-03-20T20:13:00.006-04:00

Many people will not find this to be a big deal in any sense, but I think it represents a significant message to fans of the Mother series; Mother 2 was released in North America as Earthbound, on the SNES.

Fans were most excited when Super Smash Bros. Brawl included the all-new Lucas, from Mother 3, which has not been released by Nintendo of America here, among the roster of playable fighters. The excitement increased as news of other various elements from Mother 3 were included in the game as well. And then it was revealed that veteran Smash Bros. fighter Ness, from Mother2/Earthbound was returning, and his hometown of Onett is an arena. Mr. Saturn, from Earthbound, also returns as an item and trophy, and the music Snowman (from Mother 1 and 2) is a track in the game. Earthbound fans couldn't be happier to see these things in a new game, especially if this can help promote the series for a possible release of Mother 3, and maybe the other 2 games as well (Note: Mother 1+2 was a two-in-one game for the Game Boy Advance in Japan, before Mother 3 came out. It was not released overseas, but would be an easy way to do it).

However, there is one element from this series that does not remain. In 'Brawl's Masterpieces section, there are demos from various Nintendo games that can be unlocked. There is a demo of Mother 2 in the Japanese edition of the game. This should be a demo of Earthbound, thusly, in the U.S. edition of the game. However, the demo of Mother 2/Earthbound was removed by Nintendo of America.

There doesn't seem to be any real reason for NoA to even bother removing just a demo from the game. But it's just a demo, you may be wondering 'So what?'

I think there may be a certain message NoA is giving to the fans with this strange move, and a lot of fans are not happy because they get similar feelings.

The Earthbound/Mother community and fan base is VERY strong and VERY vocal, and they DEMAND Mother 3, which is almost 2 years old in Japan, be brought over to North America. NoA is very aware of this fan base, and quite honestly, they don't seem to care. The fans have made themselves more than known to NoA, and have made their wish more than clear. And NoA has done nothing, and have said before in the past that they don't have Mother 3 on the horizon, and will probably never get to it, even though the fans demand it.

And then there's the Virtual Console, which has the potential for a vast gallery of great and classic games. Fans have hoped that Earthbound (and possibly even Mother) would be released on the VC. It was being reported by Starmen.net, the giant Mother/Earthbound fan site, that NoA 'is' going to release Earthbound on the VC 'soon', or 'eventually'. Well, apparently, that depends on what your definition of 'is' is, because there has been no word or evidence that NoA actually is planning to do this; nothing official, anyway. And this was first being reported late last summer. Even members of Starmen.net are now wondering if it actually is true, and if the game will come to the VC at all...

Naturally, if NoA was planning to release Earthbound on the VC, then keeping the demo of the game in 'Brawl would make a lot of sense, and also be convenient. However, if they are planning to release the game to VC, then why remove the demo that could actually help promote the game, and gain interest in it? But why bother wasting the time and effort at all?

Essentially, I think that most likely, Nintendo of America is giving the fans of Mother and Earthbound a giant 'Fuck Off', with the removal of this simple demo.

They know what the fans want, and they don't want to give the fans what they want. They are likely very tired of hearing the fans demands, and probably even pleas and begging, for a game or games that they simply do not want to release.

Nintendo of America does not want to bring Mother 3 here.

Nintendo of America does not seem to care about the Mother series.

Nintendo of America doesn't even seem to want to re-release a game from the series that they already released once before, and one that also has a strong, loyal and grateful fan base. By the way, in regards to the original Mother, for the NES, NoA actually did translate that game as well, but backed out at the last minute and did not release it. So NoA has two games they completely translated, and even though one was not released, it's still already been done, and they don't care to release either one.

Nintendo of America does not care what the fans want.

I, and other fans, really can't see any other logical reason for NoA ignoring all of these things, and then also bothering to remove an Earthbound demo from 'Brawl, especially if it could be useful for a re-release of the game. You may think I'm reading more into this than there really is there, but given Nintendo's history with all of this, I doubt I'm at least not far off.

I may be wrong, and in the end, maybe Earthbound will be on the VC. But I think this is just a greater sign that NoA is just overall ignoring the series, as well as the fans. I certainly doubt we will see Mother 3 soon, if ever. I'm sadly not holding my breath.

So if you do care about the series, what can YOU do?

Well, Starmen.net held their EB Siege Campaign last year, in which fans wrote letters and cards, sent envelope art, and called Nintendo of America, letting them know of their demand for Mother 3, and even the other 2 games. Fans are still encouraged to do these things. And fans have already started asking questions about the removal of the demo. Apparently, they are not really getting answers though...I wouldn't expect NoA to release an official statement about this; they'll just ignore it. But keep watching for more news.

Starmen.net's Newspost and NoA Contact Information

Movie Review: Sunshine

2008-03-20T02:40:00.002-04:00

Starring:
Cillian Murphy, Chris Evans, Michelle Yeoh, Cliff Curtis, Hiroyuki Sanada, Rose Byrne, Troy Garity, Benedict Wong

Director:
Danny Boyle (The Beach, 28 Days Later)

MPAA Rating:
R for violent content and language.

Release Date:
July 2007

Synopsis:
With Earth's life source, the sun, dying out 50 years in the future, it seems the planet's days may be numbered. Humanity's only hope lies with a crew of eight astronauts transporting a device that will revitalize the sun. But a fatal miscalculation leaves the cosmonauts fighting for survival... and for their sanity.

My Two Cents:
I always appreciate when moviemakers try to come up with new, original material. Alex Garland wrote an entirely original plot, meaning that it wasn’t based on a novel or on another sci-fi movie. It does borrow a few things from movies like Event Horizon, but overall it’s fresh and different.

Fifty years in the future (2057) the sun has started to die and planet Earth has been covered in a solar winter. Plants, wildlife and people are dying. A spacecraft, the Icarus I, is sent to the sun with a massive bomb to re-ignite it, but something goes wrong and the mission fails. Seven years later, the Icarus II is sent with the last bomb available on Earth. If this second mission fails, life on our solar system will permanently end. 16 months after launching the Icarus II, as they fly over Mercury, the crew receives a distress signal from the Icarus I. Could they be alive? This makes Captain Kaneda (Hiroyuki Sanada) and the rest of his crew wonder if they should risk veering off their trajectory to investigate, or continue with their current course as originally planned. The decision ultimately falls in the hands of physicist Robert Capa (Cillian Murphy), who suggest it might be worth the risk if they can acquire the payload from the Icarus I, just to play it safe if theirs malfunctions. As you might expect, all hell breaks lose after this point.

Everything about the first two acts of the film is awesome. It actually makes you think about what’s happening, and what you would do in such a precarious situation. Every character is important and brings something to the table. There are also no comic reliefs, which is rare and welcome. The special effects are great, end the mood, atmosphere and original score is haunting. Sadly, the third and final act is a mess. The movie goes all Event Horizon and starts to get really confusing. At least in Event Horizon it is revealed that the lost ship had gone to hell and back, so it came packed with demonic forces, but what the hell happened exactly to the Icarus I? You’ll have to find out for yourself, and you won’t like the answer.

Even though the last half our or so is bordering on garbage, you’ll still want to stick till the end to see what it going to happen. It’s really too bad Sunshine took a turn for the shitty near the end, because it could have been one of the best sci-fi movies along with 2001: A Space Odyssey. It was a box office flop and a huge disappointment for director Danny Boyle. Better luck next time, buddy.

Score:

Babes of Gaming: Sniper Wolf

2008-03-17T14:00:00.002-04:00

Most of the members of the FOXHOUND unit are male, so it’s nice to see a female, and a sexy one to boot. She is an expert Kurdish sharpshooter and carries around a PSG-1 sniper rifle. Wolf is so good at sniping she doesn’t even need a spotter, so she works alone. She encounters Solid Snake on Shadow Moses island during the events of Metal Gear Solid. While being held captive in Shadow Moses, Dr. Hal “Otacon” Emmerich, designer of Metal Gear REX, becomes infatuated with Sniper Wolf. It is unknown if she felt the same way towards the geeky weapons designer, but I like to think so.

During her second encounter with Solid Snake, Sniper Wolf is defeated. Fatally wounded on the snow field, she begs Snake to “set her free”. Otacon is devastated, but can’t do anything about it. Wolf is given her rifle and then shot to the face by Snake. As she passes away a pack of wolves surround her and howl into the night. It is a very tragic and memorable scene that must be witnessed to be fully appreciated.

Movie Review: Meet the Robinsons

2008-03-17T01:15:00.002-04:00

Starring:
Angela Basset, Daniel Hansen, Matthew Josten, John H. Ford, Paul Butcher, Laurie Metcalf, Wesley Singerman, Stephen J. Anderson

Director:
Stephen J. Anderson (Journey Beneath the Sea)

MPAA Rating:
G

Release Date:
March 2007

My Two Cents:
Brilliant preteen inventor Lewis creates a memory scanner to retrieve his earliest recollections and find out why his mother gave him up for adoption. But when the villainous Bowler Hat Man steals the machine, Lewis is ready to give up on his quest, until the mysterious Wilbur Robinson shows up on the scene, whisking Lewis to the future to find the scanner. When Lewis meets Wilbur’s family, for the first time in his life he feels at home. They are all wacky and odd, but they love each other and are always together. After a while The Robinsons offer to adopt Lewis, but after Wilbur reveals a mind-shattering secret, it becomes clear Lewis has to go back to his own time. Unfortunately, the Bowler Hat Guy has messed up the past and now the future has changed, bringing chaos and enslavement to the entire human race. Lewis must use his genius and figure out how to save the world, literally.

We’re so used to watching CG movies from Pixar it’s odd to see one from Disney that was produced by a different animation studio. It is based on the 1990 William Joyce book entitled A Day with Wilbur Robinson, but for whatever reason the title was changed for the movie adaptation.

I have to mention that I watched this on Blu-ray, and it looks freaking gorgeous! The textures detail is insane, and everything in the future looks so shiny and delicious. The characters themselves are very cartoony and rubbery, but everything else looks spectacular. This is a terrific transfer that takes full advantage of the 1080p resolution. I love hand-drawn animation, but CG movies like this are something else. This is what HD is for, baby!

While it’s not as fun or interesting as most Pixar’s films like The Incredibles or Toy Story, it’s still good, clean, old-fashioned, warm and fuzzy. There’s all sorts of insane characters and events, like singing frogs, a dinosaur, wacky inventions and a time machine, so kids will not be bored. Adults may not finding as fun, but it’s charming enough and worth watching. After a few dull sequences the movie does pick up and the ride to the end becomes much sweeter than I anticipated.

Score:

Weekend Box Office Report: Mar 14-16

2008-03-16T23:11:00.002-04:00

Jim Carrey is hot once again. Dr Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who kicked everyone’s ass at the box office and is the current record-holder for biggest opening of 2008 with $45 millions. This is the second Dr. Seuss story Carrey has starred in, the first being How the Grinch Stole Christmas, which was also a big hit.

1. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who
This week: $45,100,000
Total: $45,100,000

2. 10,000 B.C.
This week: $16,415,000
Total: $61,219,000

3. Never Back Down
This week: $8,610,000
Total: $8,610,000

4. College Road Trip
This week: $7,893,000 - Total: $24,286,000

5. Vantage Point
This week: $5,400,000 - Total: $59,200,000

6. The Bank Job
This week: $4,910,000 - Total: $13,113,000

7. Doomsday
This week: $4,743,000 - Total: $4,743,000

8. Semi-Pro
This week: $3,000,000 - Total: $29,846,000

9. The Other Boleyn Girl
This week: $2,900,000 - Total: $19,171,000

10. The Spiderwick Chronicles
This week: $2,390,000 - Total: $65,430,000

Movie Review: Run Lola Run

2008-03-16T02:03:00.002-04:00

Starring:
Franka Potente, Moritz Bleibtreu, Herbert Knaup, Nina Petri, Armin Rohde, Joachim Król, Ludger Pistor

Director:
Tom Tykwer (True)

MPAA Rating:
R for some violence and language.

Release Date:
June 1999

Synopsis:
Time is running out for Lola. She's just received a frantic phone call from her boyfriend, Manni, who has lost a small fortune belonging to his mobster boss. If Lola doesn't replace the money in 20 minutes, Manni will surely suffer severe consequences!

My Two Cents:
With a title like Run Lola Run (Lola Rennt in German) you expect to see Lola run, and boy does she ever. She’s running almost the whole 80 minutes of the film. As soon as the movie starts, Lola (Franka Potente) gets a phone call from her over-stressed boyfriend Manni (Moritz Bleibtreu). He’s a petty criminal who has been doing jobs for a local big shot, but the idiot managed to lose $100,000 while trying to avoid the police. He left the bag with the money inside a subway car and a stinking bum took it. Now that’s a lucky bum. Manni only has 20 minutes before his boss arrives, and he asks Lola to come up with a plan to materialize that sick amount of money, or he’s as good as dead. Gee, that guy sure is husband material.

So what is Lola to do? She’s starts running like hell toward the bank where her adulterous father works to beg him for money. He obviously refuses. Manni’s time is almost up so he decides to rob a supermarket. Lola arrives at the scene and gets involved in the robbery to help out her man. As they escape with the money the police catch up with them and one of the officers accidentally shoots Lola in the chest, killing her. Damn, there’s still about an hour of film left and Lola is already dead. But wait, something odd happens. As she is lying agonizing on the floor, Lola decides she doesn’t want things to end this way and she is somehow transported to her apartment where she once again gets the distress call from Manni asking for money. What the fuck?

So she sets out in her quest to ask her father for money, but this time she falls down the stairs and that incident alone changes everything. On her previous run she interacted briefly with a bunch of people, and you could see what would become of them afterwards. One lady will win the lottery, one guy will get married, another woman will commit suicide, and things like that. At first it doesn’t make much sense, but on her second run you can see how your whole life can change if you get somewhere a second later. It sure makes a huge difference for Lola and Manni. There are a total of three different versions of her run towards Manni, and each gets more and more interesting. This is something I had never seen before.

What’s never explained is why or how Lola is able to change her fate, or if it’s Manni who does it. It’s also not clear if they remember their prior fates once they are given a second and third chance at life. Oh, and Lola can break glass when she screams, which made me wonder if anything was real or not. It doesn’t matter, I guess, but it’s still intriguing. Love is a mysterious force, so maybe that’s what’s happening here. Lola’s love for Manni is so strong she’s willing to do anything for him. Even though little time is used to develop the characters, you still root for Lola and want her to succeed. Lola does go into three very different stages: fear, anger, and self-control, and I can’t imagine anyone but Franka Potente achieving this so well. Everything in Run Lola Run happens so fast, but it’s very satisfying.

Score:

Owned!

2008-03-16T01:51:00.002-04:00

Getting kicked in the face must hurt, but a kick like this with both feet must be beyond painful. I’ve never seen Dante get owned like this. Well, he did get stabbed by Vergil in Devil May Cry 3, but this is more embarrassing.

Docking Bay 94 Update

2008-03-13T16:01:00.002-04:00

Six new designs have been added to the Docking Bay 94 T-shirt shop. Click on the links to view different T-shirt styles.

1. Machines aren’t capable of evil. – Lucca (Chrono Trigger)
2. I’m missing you already. – Alice (Resident Evil)
3. I don’t believe in coincidences. – Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)
4. I like being bad. It makes me happy. – Venom (Spider-Man 3)
5. 10th enemy has the bomb. – Old man (The Legend of Zelda)
6. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am. – Darth Vader (Star Wars Episode VI)

Movie Review: Dan in Real Life

2008-03-13T02:20:00.002-04:00

Starring:
Steve Carell, Juliette Binoche, Dane Cook, Alison Pill, Brittany Robertson, John Mahoney, Marlene Lawstone

Director:
Peter Hedges (Pieces of April)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for some innuendo.

Release Date:
October 2007

Synopsis:
Advice columnist and widowed father of three Dan Burns has met someone new. Marie is beautiful, she's smart, and she just so happens to be the girlfriend of Dan's brother, Mitch. With a publicly recognized moral compass, Dan finds himself torn between reaching for happiness and keeping the peace in his family.

My Two Cents:
I’m no fan of romantic comedies, but I’m no hater either. I’m used to seeing Steve Carell be a jerk in Bruce Almighty, a dorky virgin in The 40 Year Old Virgin, and a suicidal gay man in Little Miss Sunshine, so it was interesting to see him play a normal human being, for once.

Carell plays Dan Burns, a widow and father of three girls aged 9, 14 and 17. He has a column in a local newspaper called Dan in Real Life, where he gives advice on love and relationships. Too bad he doesn’t really apply them to himself. He’s having a rough time raising his daughters by himself, and with two of them being teenagers you can imagine his sad situation. He’s way overprotective of them, to the point of being ridiculous.

During a yearly family get-together at his parents’ house, Dan meets a woman named Marie (Juliette Binoche) in a bookstore and immediately connects with her. They talk for a long time and become instant friends. There’s definitely a mutual attraction, but just as Marie is about to leave she reveals she recently started a relationship with someone, so that’s that. Poor Dan still wants to be her friend so they share phone numbers and bid each other good bye. Later, back at his parents’ house, Dan’s younger brother Mitch (Dane Cook) introduces his new girlfriend to the whole family. The girlfriend is, to Dan’s horror, Marie from the bookstore. She’s so nice and cool that everyone falls in love with her, even Dan’s three girls. Dan fights really hard with himself not to interfere with his brother’s relationship with his new girlfriend, but it can’t be helped. They’re both drawn to each other and end up in awkward and uncomfortable situations.

This isn’t a Farrelly brothers comedy, so people expecting Carell to be a complete ass will be disappointed. This movie deals with very real human emotions in a way we can all relate to, without turning things into a circus. Carell and Binoche share a great chemistry rarely seen in comedies of this type. Neither of them are super good-looking or have a big age difference, and that’s perfectly fine.

This could be considered a relative small movie, but roles like this are what Carell needs to prove he can be a leading man without being an ass. I had a good time, laughed a little, and even got a bit teary-eyed, but only a little. I’m a man’s man, you know…

Score:

Cool Collectibles: More Mighty Muggs

2008-03-12T18:15:00.002-04:00

The Mighty Muggs will rule the world! Hasbro keeps coming up with new Mighty Muggs all the time, and this batch is just as cute as the one before. Look for chunky versions of Star Wars favorites Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker, C-3PO and Mace Windu. If Star Wars is not your thing, you freak, then you might enjoy collecting some of their Marvel line of Muggs, including Spider-Man, Venom, Iron Man and Wolverine. They only cost about $9.99 so don’t be a cheap bastard and buy them! More Mighty Muggs coming soon.

Movie Review: Resident Evil: Extinction

2008-03-11T02:08:00.004-04:00

Starring:
Milla Jovovich, Oded Fehr, Ali Larter, Mike Epps, Iain Glen, Linden Ashby, Ashanti Douglas, Matthew Marsden

Director:
Russell Mulcahy (The Shadow, Ricochet)

MPAA Rating:
R for strong horror violence throughout and some nudity.

Release Date:
September 2007

Synopsis:
When a series of viral outbreaks nearly wipes out all of mankind, Alice and a small band of survivors are left to roam the ruins of Las Vegas, battling the undead, and their own extinction.

My Two Cents:
The Resident Evil games are some of my favorite since the first one was released in 1996. Each installment has introduced new gameplay mechanics, interesting characters, clever puzzles and the best possible graphics. The problem many people had with the first Resident Evil movie was that it didn’t include any of the game’s characters. Not even one. Director Paul Anderson said he did this on purpose so fans of the games wouldn’t know which characters would die or survive. Um, OK, I can appreciate that, but it’s still disappointing.

The sequel, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, had game characters Jill Valentine, Carlos Oliveira (changed to Olivera in the film) and Nicholai Ginovaef. What the hell, man? It seems so many people complained about the lack of game characters in the first one Anderson felt he had to bring some of them to the movies. He also added Nemesis, a much more interesting creature than the “licker” from the first movie, which sucked. It was nice finally seeing some game characters brought to life, especially Jill because she is hot. Paul Anderson said we could expect even more game characters to appear in Resident Evil: Extinction. Yay!

The first movie was based on the first game. Nice. Apocalypse was loosely based on the second and third games, with bits and pieces of Code: Veronica. Not bad. Extinction is based on… nothing. Paul Anderson has gone mad! He decided people were tired of zombie movies taking place in the city (28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead, 28 Weeks Later, etc) and decided a vast empty desert in broad daylight would be scarier. What?! Besides zombies and a few characters this third chapter has nothing to do with any of the games. It’s a huge letdown.

Resident Evil: Extinction takes place two years after Apocalypse. When we last saw Alice, she had been captured by Umbrella and Dr. Sam Isaacs had done some unknown experiments on her, triggering new powers within her. She freed herself from the lab by using her inhuman strength and some sort of new telekinetic powers. She even killed a guy that was in another room by staring at a security camera. Freaky. She then exits the lab, where Jill, Carlos, L.J. and Angela Ashford (the little girl) are waiting to take her somewhere safe. Project Alice has been activated and we’re not sure if Alice will become a villain or remain being the heroine. I actually liked this ending and was looking forward to the third and possible final chapter of this movie series.

Warning: Incoming Spoilers

Extinction begins with a shocking revelation: the world has ended. Yes, the T-virus outbreak got so out of control it spread across the entire planet, killing pretty much everyone, even plants. Only a few survivors are left, roaming the desert in hopes of avoiding the crazed zombies. Alice is by herself, and receives a distress signal from a gas station. She’s looking all bad-ass with guns, kukhri knives and a motorcycle. There doesn’t seem to be anyone there, but then some insane non-zombie hillbillies jump her and capture her. One of them tries to rape her but she kills him with a single kick to the jaw. She did warn him not to touch her. The others toss her in a room and release a few zombie Dobermans to kill her. She easily disposes of them with her super human strength and agility. All is good, so far.

Then you’re introduced to the rest of the characters, including Carlos, L.J. and Claire Redfield (Ali Larter). But wait, where the hell is Jill and Angela? No one mentions them throughout the whole movie. The suckage has begun. This bothered me way too much. Jill was a major character in Apocalypse. Damn it!

Alice’s powers have gone a bit out of control and she left Carlos and L.J. so she wouldn’t kill them in their sleep or something. After she left, they joined Claire, who is the leader of a convoy that has stuck together for over a year. They have suffered many hardships together and have formed a bond similar to a family. The convoy is in constant search for food and gasoline. They have big armored trucks and plenty of weapons, but they have grown tired and depression has sunk in on most of them.

Meanwhile, back at a Hive-like facility, Dr. Isaacs has been making clones of Alice, but none of them are as effective as the original. He has developed a new kind of T-virus that makes zombies remember basic human functions, like answer phones and use cameras to take photos. That doesn’t seem too useful, but it’s a start. They’re called super zombies because they are also stronger and can run, fast. We learn that Isaacs reports to a board of directors at an unknown Umbrella headquarters that is run by Albert Wesker. Yeah, Wesker finally makes his big screen debut, but he sucks. He looks like a dork with his hair dyed yellow and ridiculous sunglasses. It’s clear this guy never trained as a S.T.A.R.S. agent or has any military training. He looks like a pushover.

Most of the movie revolves around the same event: someone enters a dark room, and then is jumped by a zombie. Early on, L.J. is bit and infected, but the fucker stays quiet for some reason. He slowly turns into a zombie and eventually attacks his friends. Predictable. Of all the people he could attack he attacks Carlos. Damn, now two major characters are infected. Fuck this shit. By this moment Alice has joined the convoy, but she doesn’t detect L.J. has been infected. Remember in Apocalypse where she immediately knew Angela was infected when she met her? Then why the hell didn’t she do it with L.J.? Someone didn’t watch Apocalypse before writing Extinction…

A bunch of other shit happens, like the convoy being attacked by zombie crows, Dr. Isaacs getting infected and turning into Tyrant, and L.J. and Carlos dying. Yeah, that sucked. At least Claire and a few of the survivors managed to catch a helicopter and flee to Alaska, the last uninfected area in America. Alice must now face her maker in the shittiest showdown of any Resident Evil movie, even worst than the hand-to-hand fight with Nemesis in Apocalypse. Tyrant looks like ass, and can extend his fingers, like tentacles. That’s just nasty. He also has some of Alice’s telekinetic powers, but he’s still no match for her awesomeness. It’s a laughable and predictable battle.

In the end, nothing is resolved. There’s a shitload of Alice clones all over the Hive-like facility and Wesker and the other Umbrella executives are hiding in Tokyo. Everyone she has cared about is dead and she only has vengeance in her mind. Oh boy!

As shitty as Extinction is, I have to give credit to Anderson for trying something new. Although a desert is not the creepiest place to shoot a zombie movie, at least it’s something I haven’t seen before. The make-up and general zombie effects look great, as do the stunts and flesh wounds. I wanted to see some heads being cut off, since Alice has two awesome knives, but there were none. Ali Larter plays a cool Claire Redfield, and she said she would love to reprise her role if they ever make part 4. Something that did bother me is that Alice’s face looks super airbrushed almost all the time. Everyone else is all sweaty and bruised, but Alice looks like she’s ready for a magazine photo shoot. What the fuck?

Parts of the film are alright, and the Blu-ray version looks pretty sweet, except for Milla Jovovich’s airbrushing. The movie was a success at the box office, which was a real surprise for me. People seem to love this series of films, and they don’t cost that much to produce. A fourth movie is not in plans yet, but it’s possible. Extinction’s ending definitely leaves plenty of opportunities for a sequel, because Wesker and Umbrella must go down, permanently. Time will tell, but I’m not sure it will be a good idea, unless they go back to the video games and recreate their excitement.

Score:

Cosplay: Fatal Fury

2008-03-10T15:58:00.003-04:00

Isn’t Terry Bogard supposed to be a bad-ass street fighter? This guy on the left looks more like a beggar. He got the colors of his costume right, even the Fatal Fury baseball cap, but everything else is hilariously bad. I’ll look at this picture every time feel a bit down to regain my confidence.

Blue Mary is hot, but this broad is, um, not as hot. I mean, she’s a sexy MILF, but she’s either pregnant with twins or already had a baby like 3 minutes ago. Look how tight Blue Mary looks on the right. It’s tough for any mature woman to look that good. She still gets credit for trying. You go, girl!

I’ve got mixed feeling about this Andy Bogard cosplay. The costume is pretty awesome and the guy sort of looks like him, but at first I didn’t know if it was a guy or a girl. Sorry dude, I guess you’re just too pretty. Overall it’s a pretty sweet imitation of Andy in one of his King of Fighters outfit, right down to his winning stance.

Bonne Jenet is not as well-known as Mai Shiranui or Blue Mary, but she’s still part of the Fatal Fury family. This chick looks great in her outfit. There’s nothing wrong with her costume, except maybe that there’s not enough cleavage exposure. I love Bonne and I’m glad someone did her justice.

Weekend Box Office Report: Mar 7-9

2008-03-10T01:42:00.004-04:00

As ridiculous as 10,000 BC seems, that didn’t stop people from making it the #1 movie this weekend with a solid $35 million opening. The other two new movies were left in the stone age, although I should point out that The Bank Job opened in less than half the number of theaters than 10,000 BC.

1. 10,000 BC
This week: $35,730,000

Total: $35,730,000

2. College Road Trip
This week: $14,000,000
Total: $14,000,000

3. Vantage Point
This week: $7,500,000
Total: $51,681,000

4. Semi-Pro
This week: $5,900,000 - Total: $24,835,000

5. The Bank Job
This week: $5,710,000 - Total: $5,710,000

6. The Spiderwick Chronicles
This week: $4,800,000 - Total: $61,721,000

7. The Other Boleyn Girl
This week: $4,000,000 - Total: $14,612,000

8. Jumper
This week: $3,750,000 - Total: $72,537,000

9. Step Up 2 the Streets
This week: $3,049,000 - Total: $53,004,000

10. Fool’s Gold
This week: $2,800,000 - Total: $62,820,000

Movie Review: The Bourne Ultimatum

2008-03-08T14:20:00.000-04:00

Starring:
Matt Damon, Joan Allen, Julia Stiles, David Strathairn, Scott Glenn, Paddy Considine, Edgar Ramirez, Albert Finney

Director:
Paul Greengrass (The Bourne Supremacy, United 93)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for violence and intense sequences of action.

Release Date:
August 2007

Synopsis:
Bourne has reached the end of the line. This time, he will not stop at his former masters' empty promises or even with the killing of those who relentlessly pursue him. With nothing left to lose, he will use each nuance of his training and every finely honed instinct they taught him to come after his creators and finish it all.

My Two Cents:
Spy movies like James Bond and Mission: Impossible are always fun, but they tend to go overboard with the stunts and silly gadgets. That’s why Bourne movies are so refreshing, because they offer intense action while being more realistic. Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) is not trying to defuse a nuclear weapon that will destroy the world, he’s just fighting to stay alive and find out why he became a tool of murder for the CIA.

I suggest you watch the first two movies before watching Ultimatum, but even then the movie recaps on what has happened through flashbacks to help you remember, or have a better idea of what is going on if you’re a noob.

Project Treadstone is over, but a new one called Blackbriar has been activated to replace it. Bourne learns about Blackbriar from an English reporter that was making headlines with Bourne’s story without really knowing how sensitive this information really is. The CIA has been tracking the reporter and now they know where Bourne is. They send out two of their top assassin’s to finish him, but you know, this is Jason Bourne we’re talking about. Jason has been getting new flashbacks that lead to his “creation”. He’s closer than ever to uncovering the truth about his identity and he’ll travel to four different continents to do it.

This third chapter is great, but it’s all shot with a handheld, or so it seems. The camera shakes so much sometimes, even in relaxed dialog scenes, that it took me quite a while to get used to it and not hurl all over my couch. There’s also so much information to soak in, with names, addresses, CIA babble, etc, it can get overwhelming, but just when your mind is about to melt, an action sequence starts and you’re all happy again. In other parts there’s no dialog for minutes, but you’re so into the film you’ll start feeling like you’re Bourne and someone going to jump you at any second. You’ll be glad to know Jason’s true identity is finally revealed, and there’s some closure at the end. I already know they’re planning a fourth film, but even if they cancel it you’ll be plenty satisfied with how the trilogy played out.

It’s interesting to note that every Bourne movie has been more successful than the previous one, with Ultimatum grossing over $440 millions worldwide, and that is not seen frequently in cinema. People can’t seem to get enough of the complex storylines, intense action sequences and the Jason Bourne character itself. The Bourne Ultimatum made its way into six different critics’ Top 10 Movies of 2007, including USA Today, Empire, and Rotten Tomatoes.

Score:

Movie Babes: Megan Fox

2008-03-08T12:15:00.007-04:00

Date of Birth
May 16, 1986

Partial Filmography
Transformers 2 (2009)
How to Lose Friends & Alienate People (2008)
Transformers (2007)
Hope & Faith (TV, 2006)
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)
Ocean Ave. (TV, 2002)
Holiday in the Sun (2001)

Trivia
- Has been training to become an actress since the age of 5, but got her big break at 13.
- Her middle name is Denise.
- Was born in Rockwood Tennessee and has French, Irish and Native American ancestry.
- Has at least four tattoos.
- Placed #18 in Maxim’s Hot 100 Babes of 2007.
- Placed #68 in FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2006.

Movie Review: The Golden Compass

2008-03-07T10:30:00.003-04:00

Starring:
Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Dakota Blue Richards, Eva Green, Sam Elliot, Adam Godley, Tom Courteney

Director:
Chris Weitz (About a Boy)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for sequences of fantasy violence.

Release Date:
December 2007

Synopsis:
After overhearing a shocking secret, precocious orphan Lyra Belacqua trades her carefree existence roaming the halls of Jordan College for an otherworldly adventure in the far North, unaware that it's part of her destiny.

My Two Cents:
There is no God. That’s the first thing I heard about The Golden Compass from a guy that saw the film. He said the movie was about killing God and making the Catholic church look bad. My only thought were “I gotta watch this movie!”

Try ignoring what you have heard or read about Philip Pullman’s book trilogy His Dark Materials being pro atheism and against Catholics. Well OK, Pullman did say “I suppose technically, you'd have to put me down as an agnostic. But if there is a God, and he is as the Christians describe him, then he deserves to be put down and rebelled against.” Holy shit, this really is about defeating God. It’s no surprise this remark raised controversies, but remember, this is a fairy tale. People didn’t seem to mind watching Jesus get whipped mercilessly for two hours in Passion of the Christ. That movie grossed over $600 million dollars worldwide. Sure, absolutely everything that has to do with religion offends someone, but that’s exactly why director Chris Weitz decided to tone down the anti-God stuff for The Golden Compass. This pissed off many people, but what’s done is done.

In an alternate world, people walk around with their souls outside their bodies. They manifest themselves as animals called dæmons. When your dæmon dies, so does the carrier, and vice versa. Lyra Belacqua, the story’s main character, has a shape-shifting dæmon as well as every other kid. After the kid grows and becomes an adult, the dæmon loses its ability to shape-shift and settles with just one form. Lord Asriel, an aristocrat and scientist, thinks that it is possible to travel to other worlds using particles called Dust. Unfortunately for him and his experiments, Dust is considered to be linked to the original sin, thus labeled taboo. The Magisterium, the authority that controls pretty much everything, is trying to come up with a way to separate people from their dæmons without the person dying. According to them, Dust makes people have bad thoughts during their adulthood, so they start kidnapping children and forcing them to go through their risky experiments in order to “save” them. When the Magisterium kidnaps Lyra’s best friend Roger, Lyra sets out on her own to find him and the other kids. If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, I have to say I don’t understand it either. Moving on…

Besides calling one’s soul “dæmon”, which of course resembles the world “demon”, the world of The Golden Compass also deals with racism. Yes, more reasons for haters to pick on it. There are the evil Gobblers, the dirty Gyptians, and the magical Witches. There are also Angels, Deaths, Specters and more, but those are from the second and third tomes of the trilogy.

So, is the movie fun? In a word, yes. I didn’t enjoy it as much as say, the first Harry Potter or The Chronicles of Narnia, but it wasn’t bad. Actually, I should mention that writer Philip Pullman said His Dark Materials is the anti-Narnia. I’m not sure what this means, but there you go. Just like in the other movies I mentioned, there are a lot of neat special effects. All the dæmon are made with realistic CGs, and then there are the awesome polar bears. You’ve seen them in the trailers, they’re cool. The Golden Compass even won an Oscar for best special effects. I wasn’t too happy about that because I though the effects for Transformers were better. Oh well.

If you have an open mind and enjoy fantastical tales of talking animals, sorcery, and killing God, you might have a swell time with this film. That said, if you’re a fan of the books you might be greatly disappointed as New Line took way too many liberties and toned down the controversial aspects to reach a wider audience. They basically took the book’s soul out. Shame on you, New Line. The movie wasn’t received in the U.S. as warmly as New Line had anticipated, and the $180 million budget didn’t help either. It fared better overseas, helping it make about $330 million. Still not good enough to guarantee a sequel. This is still being debated by New Line, though. Let’s hope they work something out because the ending to The Golden Compass kind of sucked, similar to the one in The Fellowship of the Ring. Just when you’re ready for more action, it ends.

Score:

Trivia:
The Golden Compass is the American title of the book which Philip Pullman published in the UK as Northern Lights.

Daniel Craig was a fan of the books before he was involved with the movie, as was Dakota Blue Richards who has read the books and saw the National Theatre stage play.

Philip Pullman had originally wanted Jason Isaacs to play Lord Asriel, Nicole Kidman to play Mrs. Coulter and Samuel L. Jackson to play Lee Scoresby. But as the author has no role in casting, in the event only Kidman made it into the film.

In December 2004, Chris Weitz resigned from directing the film, claiming he was daunted by the technical challenges of the story. In August 2005 Anand Tucker (Shopgirl) was hired to replace Weitz, with the 24-carat approval of Philip Pullman himself. Tucker felt that the film would have as its central theme "Lyra's search for self-discovery and for a family." In May 2006, however, he resigned, citing creative disagreements with New Line Cinema, and Weitz returned to direct.

Lord Asriel is played by Daniel Craig, who is also the current James Bond. The part was previously played, in a London stage adaptation, by Timothy Dalton, himself a former Bond.

Ten thousand girls turned up for open auditions in Cambridge, Oxford, Exeter and Kendal for the role of Lyra Belacqua.

In July 2003 Tom Stoppard (Shakespeare in Love) was hired to write the screenplay. A year later, when Chris Weitz was hired to direct, he rejected Stoppard's script, preferring to adapt Philip Pullman's work himself.

Why wasn't Johnny Cage in Mortal Kombat 3?

2008-03-05T20:45:00.003-04:00

Ever wonder why Midway excluded the very popular character of Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat 3, the last game in the series to feature digitized graphics of real-life people? That’s because Daniel Pesina, the martial artist who portrayed Cage in the first two games, appeared in a magazine ad in 1994 for the incredibly crappy fighting game BloodStorm developed by Incredible Technologies. Not only that, but Daniel was wearing a costume very similar to Johhny Cage’s from MKII, with shades and everything. His employers at Midway were so pissed they fired him. That must have hurt worst than a split punch to the groin. BloodStorm was supposed to be a Mortal Kombat-killer, but it did so poorly it killed itself and made Incredible Technologies go out of business. Fatality! Since he was fired, Midway hired Chris Alexander to play Johnny Cage in Mortal Kombat Trilogy.

Daniel Pesina's brother, Carlos, played Raiden in MK and MKII. He remains working at Midway and has been involved in producing the most recent titles in the series for the PlayStation 2, Xbox and GameCube.

Movie Review: Awake

2008-03-05T20:29:00.003-04:00

Starring:
Hayden Christensen, Jessica Alba, Lena Olin, Terrence Howard, Fisher Stevens, Arliss Howard, Christopher McDonald

Director:
Joby Harold

MPAA Rating:
R for language, an intense disturbing situation, and brief drug use.

Release Date:
November 2007

Synopsis:
While undergoing a heart transplant, Clay experiences "anesthetic awareness", a condition that allows him to hear and feel everything that's happening to him but leaves him paralyzed and unable to do anything about it. From his unique and painful vantage point, Clay learns troubling truths about his closest friends and loved ones.

My Two Cents:
I love thrillers, and I had been waiting for Awake because the trailer was very intriguing. The thought of having open heart surgery is frightening, but being awake through the whole process because you experience anesthetic awareness is truly terrifying. I thought the trailer already gave too much away, but it’s still an enjoyable movie.

It will not take you too long to predict most of the events in this movie. You already have the spoilerrific trailer, and even if you haven’t watched it you’ll still guess everything. Also, one of the bigger plot twists happens relatively early on, leaving almost zero room for surprises. Hell, you already know Clay (Hayden Christensen) dies in the first minute of the movie. Yeah, deal with it.

Just like in The Invisible, the writers toy with the idea that when you’re near death you can exit your body and wander around. Clay spends most of the movie having his life flash before his eyes, backwards, connecting the dots to reveal every event leading to his murder. All the hints from his killers were there, from the beginning, but he was not focused and realized them too late.

I’ve watched Star Wars Episode II and III more times than I would admit, so it’s hard not thinking about Anakin Skywalker every time I see Hayden Christensen in a movie. He’s a bit stiff in Awake, and not just because he’s paralyzed while being operated on. He’s like a soulless robot. I still like him, but he needs to improve. Jessica Alba’s role could have been played by anyone. If you take the hotness away you’re left with another robot. Natalie Portman she is not. Terrance Howard is my favorite actor here.

While it won’t win any awards and it made poorly at the box office, I’ll admit I enjoyed it. The semi-supernatural aspects of it, even though they have been made before, were still intriguing and fun to watch. Real-life anesthesiologists really hated the film for its scientific inaccuracies, but I’m no doctor so who gives a shit? If you don’t mind watching a thriller that’s not psychologically challenging or filled with tension, you might have a good time with Awake.

Score:

Weekend Box Office Report: Feb 29 - Mar 2

2008-03-03T00:54:00.002-04:00

The R-rated Will Ferrell basketball movie Semi-Pro debuted in the #1 spot this weekend at the box office, but it did pretty shitty when compared to his previous sport movies Blades of Glory and Talladega Nights. The other two new releases didn’t even make it into the top three. This is usually a slow time for movies anyway.

1. Semi-Pro
This week: $15,200,000
Total: $15,200,000

2. Vantage Point
This week: $13,000,000
Total: $41,005,000

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles
This week: $8,752,000
Total: $55,081,000

4. The Other Boleyn Girl
This week: $8,300,000 - Total: $8,300,000

5. Jumper
This week: $7,600,000 - Total: $66,823,000

6. Step Up 2 the Streets
This week: $5,714,000 - Total: $48,593,000

7. Fool’s Gold
This week: $4,690,000 - Total: $59,073,000

8. Penelope
This week: $4,006,000 - Total: $4,006,000

9. No Country for Old Men
This week: $4,005,000 - Total: $69,570,000

10. Juno
This week: $3,350,000 - Total: $135,135,000

Movie Review: Planet of the Apes (2001)

2008-03-02T11:39:00.003-04:00

Starring:
Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan, Paul Giamatti, Estella Warren, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Kris Kristofferson

Director:
Tim Burton (Beetlejuice, Big Fish)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for some sequences of action/violence.

Release Date:
July 2001

Synopsis:
After flying through a space worm hole, astronaut Leo Davidson crashes on a planet where simians rule over humans. Aided and abetted by a sympathetic chimpanzee, Leo leads a small band of rebels against their captors.

My Two Cents:
I can’t remember how old I was when I watched the original version of Planet of the Apes, but it blew my mind. It was depressing as hell, but I could tell it was a great movie and that not all movies had a happy ending.

This is a movie that didn’t need a remake, but there was a brand new generation of movie lovers that had only heard about the Planet of the Apes series, but not actually watched them. Tim Burton was the man chosen for this project and instead of a remake he decided to do a reimagining of the series. He made it his own, but kept the essence intact.

The movie starts out in the year 2029 with astronaut Leo Davidson (Mark Wahlberg) aboard the spaceship Oberon training some chimps to complete space missions too dangerous for humans. A big-ass electromagnetical storm approaches and the astronauts sent out Leo’s favorite chimp, Pericles, to study it. Pericles gets sucked it and disappears from radar. Leo goes after him but is also sucked in and sent hundreds, maybe thousands of years in the future to an uncharted planet ruled by apes, where humans are the animals. Leo has no idea of what’s going on, but tracks a signal from the Oberon. It seems that his friends are already on the planet looking for him. Now all that stands in his way to freedom is a giant army of killer apes. Nothing Mark Wahlberg can’t handle.

Spoiler Alert!

It’s first unclear if this strangely familiar-looking planet is Earth or not. There is vegetation, water, English-speaking humans, and horses. No other planet besides Earth can sustain humans, and the planet where the original movie takes place IS Earth. However, some scenes in this remake reveal this planet has two moons, so the Earth idea is discarded.

The signal Leo was tracking did come from the Oberon, but it was a wreckage of it that crash landed centuries ago in this strange new planet. It seems the Oberon crew went after Leo but were caught in the electromagnetical storm and were sent to the same planet, but in the past. The chimps that were onboard slowly became more and more hostile, eventually going apeshit and killing the humans. The chimp leader was called Semos, an anagram of Moses. I don’t remember seeing gorillas and orangutans inside the Oberon, so I have no idea where those variations of apes came from.

All sort of things happen from ape on ape to ape on human action. Leo “liberates” the humans and forms sort of an army of his own. The apes corner the humans at the Oberon crash site and the ultimate showdown ensues. During the mayhem Pericles wormholes his way to the ape planet and the apes mistake him for their savior, Semos. When they see him hug Leo they assume they had been mistaken in treating the humans like slaves and the war is over. General Thade (Tim Roth), leader of the ape army, has other plans though. He tries to kill Pericles but ends up being locked behind a glass door operated by a fingerprint-reading device inside the Oberon. All the apes, including his most powerful soldier, Colonel Attar (Michael Clarke Duncan), now hate him. Basically, he’s fucked. Leo then climbs into Pericles’ pod and travels back to Earth to the year 2130, roughly 100 years after he left, only it’s not quite the same. It’s infested with talking apes. Goddam it, more fucking apes! They have replaced the humans as the dominating species and have all our technology.

The original novel written by Pierre Boulle ends in the same way, and the ending was not explained. We have to assume Thade somehow managed to win back the ape’s trust and somehow invaded Earth to enslave humanity, as Leo’s ancestors did to his. But, how did he reach Earth? Where there more pods besides Pericles’? Well, there was the pod in which Leo came from, but that’s under a lake now, so only humans could get it out. And even then, it was heavily damaged. Maybe Pericles knows how to repair it. The Oberon ran on infinite nuclear power and all of mankind’s electrical data was stored in Oberon’s computers. Hmm, maybe Thade accessed this info and learned humans are not to be trusted after all. These computers also had the results of all the ape studies and technical details of their training and missions, as well as the coordinates of the electromagnetical storm.

OK, so Thade arrives at Earth, now what? How will he start his revolution if he’s the only talking ape there? He either brought more apes with him, in many different pods, or somehow made new apes on his own. It would have taken too long to enslave humanity, so it must have been centuries by the time Leo returned to Earth to find apes running the show. Thade is shown wearing Lincoln clothes in the Thade Monument in Washington D.C., so we can assume Thade arrived at Earth in the late 1700’s or early 1800’s. Fast forward 300 years and you have a planet ruled by apes, with humans either in zoos or exterminated.

The problem with this theory is that if Thade and the rest of the apes conquered Earth and enslaved humanity before the year 2029, then the Oberon mission would have never taken place, thus Thade would have never been born. You know, forget trying to understand it and just enjoy the costumes, make up, sets and Kris Kristofferson’s hair.

Sadly, the film was a critical failure, but it was a fair success at the box office with earnings of over $350 millions worldwide. It had a gorilla-sized budget of $100 million dollars, though. Burton would have made a sequel but he and 20th Century Fox had a bad relationship throughout filming and the movie wasn’t received as well as everyone had hoped. That’s too bad, because I liked it and really wanted to find out what the hell was going to happen to Leo. Damn them all to hell!

Score:

Trivia:
- Mark Wahlberg joined the film after meeting with Tim Burton for only five minutes. He was so anxious to work with the director that he agreed to play any part.

- Michael Clarke Duncan had sprained his ankle during filming and was forced to go to the hospital in his full gorilla makeup.

- Attar (Michael Clarke Duncan) says to Captain Leo Davidson (Mark Wahlberg), "Take your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human!" mirroring the original line from George Taylor (Charlton Heston) ("Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!")

- Linda Harrison, who played Nova in the first two films of the original five-part series, appears as a caged human in this film.

- Charlton Heston, spokesman for the NRA, is one of only two apes on the planet to own the same gun, which was passed to his son, Thade, upon the death of Heston's character, Zaius.

- In 1995 Oliver Stone was attached as director. In addition, in 1997 it was suggested that James Cameron (who hated this remake) would direct, with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the lead role.

- Mark Wahlberg refused to go shirtless (or wearing the loincloth Charlton Heston wears in the original film) because of his history as an underwear model.

- In order to star in the film, Tim Roth declined the role of Professor Severus Snape in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001).

- Thade's Father's last words ("Damn them! Damn them all to hell!") are an obvious reference to the Planet of the Apes version of 1968. The last words that Taylor, who is also played by Charlton Heston, screams at the end of this movie are: "Damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

Movie Review: The Game Plan

2008-02-28T11:14:00.003-04:00

Starring:
Dwayne Johnson, Madison Pettis, Kyra Sedgwick, Roselyn Sánchez, Morris Chestnut, Paige Turco

Director:
Andy Fickman (She’s the Man)

MPAA Rating:
PG for some mild thematic elements.

Release Date:
September 2007

Synopsis:
NFL star Joe Kingman is in his prime: He's rich, famous and one of the world's most eligible bachelors. There's nothing that can throw him off his game. Nothing, that is, except for the emergence of the 7-year-old daughter he never knew he had. Now, with his team gunning for a title, Joe must find a way to balance crushing gridiron action with bedtime stories and ballet classes.

My Two Cents:
Dwayne Johnson has proven to be a huge success in the wrestling ring as The Rock, and has also proved he’s got enough charisma and dedication to be a Hollywood actor. Disney saw his potential and turned an otherwise lame movie script into a box office success. Dwayne can slowly move away from his “Rock” persona and widen his appeal.

Movies don’t get more predictable than this. A top football player who’s completely full of himself learns about a daughter he never knew he had and while his life gets turned upside down he eventually succumbs to her charms and they live happily ever after. It’s a Disney movie after all. I’m sure the little ones won’t mind and will dig it, but adults who don’t have kids or care much about them will not find enough here to keep themselves busy.

Madison Pettis is a cutie and holds her own on the screen with Johnson. She’s not annoying or bratty, like so many other family-oriented movie kids. Her ballet teacher, fellow Puerto Rican Roselyn Sánchez, is Johnson’s love interest but it never gets all mushy between them. They don’t even kiss, which sucks for Johnson. The rest of the cast plays it out well enough not to suck, with the exception of Hayes MacArthur who’s character is so stupid it’s not even funny.

I like Dwayne Johnson, and it is nice to see him being awkward while practicing ballet with his little girl and having tea parties. He’s not all about bashing foes with brute strength like he did in the ring. Johnson brings his most powerful weapon of all, his charm, and he will disarm you with it. The Game Plan is not super funny or original, but charming nonetheless.

Score:

Character Profile: Proto Man

2008-02-28T11:10:00.002-04:00

Before creating Mega Man, Dr. Light created a prototype he named Proto Man. I’ve never been sure why he’s so different than Mega Man if he was an early draft of him, or if he never intended Proto Man to be more than a trainer to the Blue Bomber. According to his story in Mega Man: The Power Fighters, Proto Man has a fatal defect in his energy system and is in constant pain. Perhaps this is why Dr. Light replaced him with Mega Man, although they’re basically identical on the inside.

Proto Man’s first appearance was in Mega Man 3, where he would attack Mega Man for a few seconds then leave, opening new areas for Mega Man to explore. He seemed like an enemy, but you could tell he was only testing and training Mega Man. Back then he used the code name Break Man.

Although he has only been playable in the arcade games Mega Man: The Power Battle and Mega Man: The Power Fighters, Proto Man (called Blues in Japan) has made cameos in pretty much every Mega Man game after part 3. Like Mega Man, Proto Man has the ability to absorb his opponent’s weapons. He has a slightly more powerful arm cannon than Mega Man, which he can charge to a point where it hurts him but delivers massive damage to his opponents. His signature ability, however, is the Proto Shield. It’s huge, but it can deflect enemy fire with the greatest of ease and also works as a ramming device when the going gets rough.

Movie Review: Mr. Woodcock

2008-02-26T01:43:00.005-04:00

Starring:
Billy Bob Thornton, Seann William Scott, Susan Sarandon, Ethan Suplee, Amy Peohler, Melissa Sagemiller

Director:
Craig Gillespie

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for crude and sexual content, thematic material, language and a mild drug reference.

Release Date:
September 2007

Synopsis:
When self-help author John Farley returns home to visit his mother, he's shocked to find out that she's fallen for his sadistic high school gym teacher, Mr. Woodcock. Now, with their upcoming nuptials looming, John needs to apply his self-help techniques to his own life and make sure his mom stays single.

My Two Cents:
It’s kind of sad good actors like Billy Bob Thornton and Susan Sarandon end up doing crap like Mr. Woodcock when they get older. Well, not everything about this movie is crap, but it could have been better.

Sean William Scott’s role doesn’t suit him at first because we’re used to him being an ass in American Pie and here he plays a successful writer and self-help guru. As his rage towards Mr. Woodcock grows he starts acting more like what you would expect from him, and that’s when the movie is at its funniest. Even then, I think I only laughed twice, and already forgot why.

I didn’t fall asleep or anything, so that automatically puts it at 2 stars. Ethan Suplee once again plays a semi-retard that starts out sort of funny but then kind of creeps you out. Susan Sarandon is always enjoyable, but Amy Peohler is just too over the top. Billy Bob Thornton is probably the least funny person here, but I guess he’s just following the director’s orders. He was way funnier in Sling Blade.

Mr. Woodcock barely made enough money to cover its $22 million budget, so it wasn’t a huge failure. Sadly, that’s not saying much. There are worst comedies out there, but you have to be either drunk, high, or a raging Seann William Scott fan to watch this after reading my review.

Score:

Weekend Box Office Report: Feb 22-24

2008-02-24T21:54:00.002-04:00

This week’s top movie is Vantage Point, which has a crapload of known actors including Forest Whitaker, William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Dennis Quaid and Mathew Fox. February doesn’t usually get a lot of action dramas, so this was refreshing. The other new film is Jack Black’s Be Kind Rewind that opened in a semi-limited release (around 800 theaters) and shared the #7 spot with Juno.

1. Vantage Point
This week: $24,000,000
Total: $24,000,000

2. Jumper
This week: $12,650,000
Total: $56,206,000

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles
This week: $12,600,000
Total: $43,576,000

4. Step Up 2 the Streets
This week: $9,787,000 - Total: $41,419,000

5. Fool’s Gold
This week: $6,270,000 - Total: $52,433,000

6. Definitely, Maybe
This week: $5,184,000 - Total: $21,781,000

7. Be Kind Rewind
This week: $4,100,000 - Total: $4,100,000

7. Juno
This week: $4,100,000 - Total: $130,377,000

9. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins
This week: $3,989,000 - Total: $35,494,000

10. There Will Be Blood
This week: $2,561,000 - Total: $34,986,000

Movie Review: Mr. Brooks

2008-02-22T14:26:00.005-04:00

Starring:
Kevin Costner, Demi Moore, William Hurt, Dane Cook, Marg Helgenberger, Rubén Santiago, Danielle Panabaker

Director:
Bruce A. Evans

MPAA Rating:
R for strong bloody violence, some graphic sexual content, nudity and language.

Release Date:
June 2007

My Two Cents:
Earl Brooks (Kevin Costner), a successful business man, lovable husband and caring father has a dark secret. While most people are addicted to alcohol or cigarettes, Earl is addicted to killing. He has suffered from this all his life but has never been caught. He even “signs” the murders by leaving bloody fingerprints of his victims, gaining the nickname of the Thumbprint Killer. His alter ego, Marshall (William Hurt), constantly tries to persuade Earl to go out and have some more fun killing, but for two straight years Earl has been “clean”.

It’s hard to go cold turkey like that, and Marshall finally convinces Earl to kill again. He murders a couple who liked to have sex with the curtains open. This time, however, he makes a critical mistake by standing too close to the window and someone from the building in front takes a picture of him. Mr. Smith (Dane Cook), the photographer, instead of going to the police asks Earl to take him along the next time he kills someone. This is tricky business as Smith has some issues, and it doesn’t help that Detective Tracy Atwood (Demi Moore) has been looking for the Thumbprint Killer for years and may finally have enough evidence to catch him.

This is the kind of thriller I’m always looking for. Smart, entertaining and filled with unpredictable plot twists. It doesn’t hurt to have such fine actors as William Hurt and Kevin Costner. Similar to American Psycho, Mr. Brooks stars a wealthy, successful man who doesn’t seem to be missing anything in his life, except upstairs in their head. Earl Brooks suffers from chronic schizophrenia, a mental illness characterized by impairments in the perception or expression of reality, most commonly manifesting as auditory hallucinations. This explains Marshall’s character and why he can’t help following his advises. He also has other issues like bizarre sexual fantasies and playing with fire. But unlike most schizophrenics the people around Earl don’t realize he is missing a screw. Unfortunately, his daughter may have inherited his killing ways, and this is something Earl has feared for 18 years.

Keep in mind that this is a psychological thriller about a serial murderer and the constant struggle with his inner demon. There’s very little action or comedy, although I did laugh a few times in scenes where Marshall tries to charm Earl to get him to do what he wants. Earl and Marshall are the same person, but it’s still awesome to see Hurt and Costner interact with each other. It’s very clear they enjoyed those roles a great deal.

Dane Cook is known for his stand up routines, but he gives a pretty good performance as the killer in training, opposite Kevin Costner. Demi Moore is a bit stiffer, but perhaps this was on purpose because detectives are jaded and apparently emotionless. She keeps her boobs hidden at all times and you could mistake her for a man it if wasn’t for her divorce subplot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Moore less feminine, not even in G.I. Jane.

It’s hard to imagine Mr. Brooks director/writer Bruce A. Evans previously wrote Stand By Me and Starman, two very different styles of movies with 100% less serial murderers. And it’s also hard to believe Mr. Brooks is not based on a novel or short story, it is completely original, exclusively for this movie. That’s very refreshing and a sign that not all Hollywood writers are interested in lame remakes of old classics.

Score:

Ask Ackbar

2008-02-22T14:08:00.002-04:00

Felis silvestris catus is a small carnivorous species of crepuscular mammal that is often valued by humans for its companionship and its ability to hunt vermin. It has been associated with humans and the Mon Calamari for at least 9,500 years. Yep, that’s a cat alright.

Famous cats in movies and TV include Garfield, Felix, Scratchy, Hello Kitty, Sylvester, Tom, and Azrael.

Movie Review: Saw IV

2008-02-20T13:55:00.006-04:00

Starring:
Tobin Bell, Lyriq Bent, Costas Mandylor, Scott Patterson, Betsy Russell, Athena Karkanis, Justin Loius, Donnie Wahlberg

Director:
Darren Lynn Bousman (Identity Lost, Saw II)

MPAA Rating:
R for sequences of grisly bloody violence and torture throughout, and for language.

Release Date:
October 2007

Synopsis:
Jigsaw and his apprentice Amanda are dead. Now, upon the news of Detective Kerry's murder, two seasoned FBI profilers arrive to assist the veteran Detective Hoffman in sifting through Jigsaw's latest remains and piecing together the puzzle. However, when SWAT Commander Rigg is abducted and thrust into a game, the last officer untouched by Jigsaw has but ninety minutes to overcome a series of demented traps and save an old friend or face the deadly consequences.

My Two Cents:
Another week, another Saw movie. It seems like it was yesterday that I saw the first one and we’re already at part four, with part five coming this October. They’re milking the hell out of this, but at least they’re still coming up with neat ideas and plot twists. On the down side, as interesting as those plot twists are, things can get a little crazy with so many characters. You might need a degree in sawology to decipher who’s who and why this or that makes any sense.

You cannot enjoy any Saw movie without watching them all. There’s no way to follow the story or the character’s motives. I’m assuming you’ve watched them all leading up to part four, but even then you might not know what the hell is going on. It’s tradition to screw you at the end with a mind-shattering plot twist, but it’s just getting out of hand now. If a character doesn’t get cut in half or decapitated on-screen he or she could and probably will come back for a sequel, so try your best to remember each character’s name and face. On top of that, Saw IV and Saw III happen simultaneously. While Saw III focused on Jeff Reinhart trying to save his daughter and wife, Jigsaw had already planned a very elaborate trap for Lieutenant Rigg and had already chosen a replacement for Amanda. Saw IV actually starts at the end, letting you know what will happen in the inevitable Saw V, but then walks you through the events leading up to the starting scene. What? I know.

Ignoring all that chronological madness, I’ll say I fully enjoyed Saw IV as much as any other. The traps are less shocking, but that could be because we’ve already seen so many good ones. It’s great that Jigsaw’s death did not stop him from tormenting his victims. Here we learn that being diagnosed with terminal cancer wasn’t the only reason that sent John Kramer on a killing spree, if you can call it that. More about his past is told through flashbacks, leading to his very first “murder”.

I will not spoil the fun of finding out who lives and who dies. Go watch Saw III again before watching part IV or you’ll be kind of lost. If you’ve stayed with the series so far there’s no reason to skip Saw IV, and then look forward to Saw V and beyond.

Score:

The HD Format War is Over: RIP HD DVD

2008-02-19T11:45:00.002-04:00

It was only a matter of time, but Toshiba’s announcement that it will officially stop production of HD DVD discs and players still brought tears to my eyes. Well, not really, but it still sucks so much ass.

Just a few months ago, back in October, everything was fine. Paramount had announced they would go HD DVD exclusive and the Blu-ray crowd cried as they would not be getting an HD version of Transformers. HD DVD players were all the rage.

But the cheese started to stink when Warner Bros. joined Sony Pictures (Columbia/Tristar) Fox, Disney and went Blu-ray exclusive. That started a snowball effect that ultimately led to the HD DVD format’s demise. It was just too much. On top of that, big name retailers like Wal-Mart, Blockbuster, Target and Netflix also turned their backs on HD DVD, putting the final nails in HD DVD’s coffin. It was a brutal gang up.

So Sony’s more expensive HD format finally won. Will Universal Studios and Paramount/DreamWorks, the only studios to remain HD DVD-exclusive, go Blu-ray? Of course they will, there is no other option. We’ll also be seeing a Blu-ray adapter for the Xbox 360, and a big spike in stand-alone Blu-ray players as well as PlayStation 3 consoles.

I’m glad there’s a definite winner in the high definition format war, but it’s always sad to see a serious contender lose, and one that I was in favor of. I have yet to see a live action movie on Blu-ray that looks better than King Kong on HD DVD. I’ll be keeping my Planet Earth, Complete Matrix Trilogy and Transformers HD DVD’s as collector’s items, even after I have no HD DVD player to watch them on. I congratulate Sony for the win, and thank Toshiba for trying to lower the price of HD content.

Movie Review: Mr. Bean's Holiday

2008-02-18T21:05:00.003-04:00

Starring:
Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Clint Dyer, Jean Rochefort, Emma de Caunes, Karel Roden, Max Baldry

Director:
Steve Bendelack

MPAA Rating:
G (brief mild language)

Release Date:
August 2007

Synopsis:
Mr. Bean heads to the French Riviera for a vacation, but along the way becomes ensnared in an accidental kidnapping and a case of mistaken identity.

My Two Cents:
It’s crazy to think Mr. Bean has been around for 18 years and still manages to get attention and make people laugh. This second feature film has the bumbling idiot traveling to France to kick it at the beach in Cannes. He doesn’t speak French, and he’s traveling by himself so you know all sort of zany shit is bound to happen.

If you have no idea who Mr. Bean is you’ll still be able to enjoy the movie, but it’s so stupid and slow you might consider skipping it. Fans of the TV show know exactly what to expect, and that’s exactly what you get. Mr. Bean is a child in a grown man’s body, according to Rowan Atkinson, and that’s kind of sad when you think about it. Sometimes you laugh at him, sometimes you feel pity. He’s borderline retarded.

The problem I had with the movie is that even though the Bean character has its unique charms he’s just too stupid for me to care about him. Everything that happens to him is so silly, that maybe only small children will find it funny. Some scenes take forever to unfold, and there’s nothing funny about that. At one point Mr. Bean is hitchhiking for almost 10 minutes, another scenes has him listening to an endless list of cell phone ring tones, and then there’s the scene when he’s falling asleep while driving. You get the “joke” in a second but have to sit through for countless of minutes for it to be over so they can move on to the nest unnecessary long scene.

There’s some mild fun to be had regardless of the idiocy and ultra slow pace, and it’s only about 1 hour and a half long, so it’s somewhat bearable. I enjoyed Willem Dafoe’s character as well as the constant change in scenery. France seems like a nice place to visit and Cannes rocks. I don’t think we need another Mr. Bean movie, but at least this one doesn’t completely suck. Save it for the kids.

Score:

Weekend Box Office Report: Feb 15-17

2008-02-17T19:55:00.004-04:00

Bye bye Mathew McConaughey, hello Hayden Christensen. Finally, after 2005’s Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith Hayden scores a hit with Jumper, the number 1 movie in America. The top 3 movies did pretty good overall, so this was a great week for Hollywood.

1. Jumper
This week: $27,225,000
Total: $33,850,000

2. Step Up 2 the Streets
This week: $19,666,000
Total: $26,267,000

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles
This week: $19,080,000
Total: $21,389,000

4. Fool’s Gold
This week: $13,080,000 - Total: $42,035,000

5. Definitely, Maybe
This week: $9,685,000 - Total: $12,804,000

6. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins
This week: $8,880,000 - Total: $29,121,000

7. Juno
This week: $4,625,000 - Total: $124,090,000

8. The Bucket List
This week: $4,105,000 - Total: $81,085,000

9. Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour
This week: $3,289,000 - Total: $58,417,000

10. 27 Dresses
This week: $3,175,000 - Total: $69,937,000

Wii Virtual Console Review: Legend of Hero Tonma

2008-02-17T13:02:00.004-04:00

Developer: Irem
Publisher: Irem
Console: TurboGrafx-16
Release Date: 1991

You are Tommy. You have a cape. You are… a superhero! This is all you need to know to get excited about this game. Why is the game called Legend of Hero Tonma when the character you play as is called Tommy is one of the many timeless unanswered questions not even Nostradamus can answer.

A princess has been kidnapped by the devil, or a some sort of giant demon, and will either kill her or make her his bride. I’m making up the story as I go because the game doesn’t seem to have a story. So Tommy must use his inhuman ability of tossing minute fireballs from his fingertip to save the princess.

The gameplay is very similar to Capcom’s Ghouls n’ Ghosts, but with 100% less middle-aged men in their underwear. Tommy shoots fireballs and these can be upgraded many times to change the size and direction. You also collect useless bagsof gold and coins scattered around. You can’t buy anything but it adds up to your score and eventually gain some additional lives. And you’ll be needing them since you die with just one hit. I fucking hate not having a life bar, even if it’s tiny.

For such a simple and rather cute-looking game things can get pretty damn hard at times. Most enemies just walk left or right, but others jump in weird patterns and shoot crap at you in all directions. There are these rock totems that shoot at you like crazy, and you must dodge their shots while dodging armies of skeletons, bats and other shit that’s coming to kill you. It’s brutal, and not fun. The game is short, with only six stages and seven bosses, but it’s hard, dull and monotonous, so it doesn’t matter.

Even for such an old game the music quality is so bad it’s embarrassing. I can’t remember any of the music tracks, or even the sound effects. Maybe I had the speakers off, I honestly don’t know.

I was disappointed not to find as much Engrish as other games of the early 1990’s. Besides “Can you surely save the legendary princess?” and “The story of your brave rescue will be handed down through generations… …as a splendid legend.” I can’t think of any other, and those aren’t that bad. You can always go back to Blue’s Journey to get your Engrish fix.

There is no real reason to purchase this turd besides telling your friends how awesome you are because you own even goddamn Virtual Console release. If you are like this then you should walk around with a “I Suck” T-shirt at all times, you sad freak. Everyone else stay the hell away from Tommy and his fireballs.

Score:

Movie Review: Stardust

2008-02-16T12:16:00.004-04:00

Starring:
Charlie Cox, Claire Danes, Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro, Ricky Gervais, Sienna Miller, Mark Strong, Peter O’Toole, Rupert Everett

Director:
Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for some fantasy violence and risqué humor.

Release Date:
August 2007

Synopsis:
A young man journeys to a magical world to win the heart of his true love in this fantasy based on Neil Gaiman's novel. Tristan has promised Victoria that he'll retrieve a fallen star to secure her love. Unfolding on both sides of a parallel universe separated by only a thin barrier of stone, Stardust reveals just how amazingly close the familiar and the totally fantastic can be to one another.

My Two Cents:
Once upon a time there was a magical world and a real, non-magical world. They were divided by a brick wall, and crossing it was forbidden. A dork called Tristan (Charlie Cox), raised in the real world, is madly in love with Victoria (Sienna Miller), but she’s a total bitch and only cares about money and status. A shooting star falls and Tristan tells her he’ll bring the star to her if she marries him. Thinking this was impossible she accepts, and Tristan ventures beyond the wall into the unknown to retrieve the fallen rock. The star turned out to be a woman called Yvaine (Claire Danes), and Tristan claims his prize regardless. He’ll take her back to the real world, but that’s when all sort of crazy things happen. Three witches are after Yvaine’s heart in order to regain their youth, and there’s the son of a recently deceased king is after Yvaine’s necklace so he can be crowned as the new king.

It’s nice to watch a movie the whole family can enjoy, and even though Stardust is rated PG-13 for some violence and sexual situations, it’s done in a funny, almost cartoony way. Nothing the kids haven’t seen before. I mean, there are ghosts, homosexuality, a decapitation and other scary images, but it's really not that bad.

The star power is impressive, but this isn’t a drama and none of them deliver spectacular performances. It’s fine, since I wasn’t expecting them to. My favorite is probably Michelle Pfeiffer’s character, the evil witch Lamia, because it somehow fits her perfectly. Robert De Niro plays a cross-dressing pirate, and Rupert Everett plays one of the king’s sons. His role is more like a cameo. Claire Danes shines as the fallen star Yvaine, but all I can say about Charlie Cox is that he’s a dork.

Stardust is a fairytale like the ones we dreamed about when we were little. It’s got the bumbling hero who meets a beautiful girl and must protect her from evil. It’s very cute and romantic, definitely a nice break from all the blood, gore and sexual exploitation I’m used to seeing in movies. The environments are nicely done, as are the special effects. Even the music is epic enough to be memorable. Great actors, fun story, kid-friendly and your girlfriend/wife will love it. You can’t go wrong with Stardust.

Score:

Movie Review: 30 Days of Night

2008-02-14T11:58:00.004-04:00

Starring:
Josh Hartnett, Melissa George, Ben Foster, Danny Huston, Mark Boone Jr., Mark Rendall

Director:
David Slade (Hard Candy)

MPAA Rating:
R for strong horror violence and language.

Release Date:
October 2007

Synopsis:
When a month-long darkness sets in on the tiny Alaskan town of Barrow, the locals are visited by a flock of bloodthirsty vampires eager to take advantage of the no-sun zone. The town sheriff Eben Oleson and his deputy and wife, Stella, must act fast to save the dark day. Based on a popular horror comic by Steve Niles.

My Two Cents:
A different approach at horror vampire movies, but somewhere along the line the fear and excitement is traded for monotony and dullness. It starts great, with a small Alaskan town that goes a full month without sunlight. The town’s population of less than 600 people gets cut to less than 200 during this harsh month, and on top of that, some vandals have been pulling off odd stunts like burning cell phones, cutting electrical cords, and murdering guard dogs.

Sheriff Eben Oleson (Josh Hartnett) must solve the mystery surrounding the town’s acts of vandalism. Along with his wife and a few others, they must stay hidden until they figure out what exactly is going on. It turns out a group of vampires is the cause of their troubles, and with no sun coming for a month they’re pretty much screwed. The vampires are wingless, but have inhuman strength, agility and endurance. They can either eat you or turn you into one of them. So this can be seen as a zombie movie, I guess. They speak in a weird language and hiss a lot.

Most of the movie is spent in dark attics or other boring sections of houses. For long periods of time there’s nothing going on. The characters are not that interesting because they are not developed, so you don’t really care if they get eaten or not. The vampires have no personality so you don’t care about them either. I did hate their leader, a middle aged guy that is in desperate need of a bib, and his bitch was annoying as hell. The ending was also lame, with a ridiculous fist fight between Eben and the vampire boss.

Most people who’ve seen the movie seem to like it, but I don’t know why. It’s watchable and mildly entertaining, but not as scary or suspenseful as I had hoped. If you leave logic out then it might seem cooler, but even then there’s no way a small group of ordinary townies could survive for 30 days with no electricity, very little food, and a hungry pack of vicious vampires outside the window.

Score:

Game Commercials: Sega Game Gear

2008-02-13T11:35:00.002-04:00

The Game Boy was challenged for its handheld crown many times, but it ate those other portable systems for breakfast. Here are two ads for the Sega Game Gear, a superior handheld that just couldn’t knock Nintendo’s black and white beast off the top.

Say, isn’t that fat kid Ethan Suplee, the guy from My Name is Earl? Sega compared themselves to Nintendo all the time, and here they are suggesting Game Boy players are retarded. Take that, Mario!

I don’t know what the deal with that lady is, but she seems to be coke’d up. Did you catch her Psycho Crusher-like spin attack? Perhaps a side effect from playing fruity Game Gear games. No wonder this handheld failed.

Movie Review: Shrek the Third

2008-02-13T11:04:00.002-04:00

Starring:
Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Antonio Banderas, Justin Timberlake, Rupert Everett, Julie Andrews, Eric Idle

Director:
Chris Miller

MPAA Rating:
PG for some crude humor, suggestive content and swashbuckling action.

Release Date:
May 2007

Synopsis:
Life in the swamp seems better than ever for Shrek and Fiona, until King Harold suddenly falls ill and the ogre must find an acceptable heir or he'll have to assume the throne. Joined by his faithful companions Donkey and Puss-in-Boots, Shrek tracks down Cousin Artie, the future king, as Fiona and Queen Lillian defend the kingdom from the insidious Prince Charming.

My Two Cents:
CG movies are now the standard when it comes to animated movies, replacing the hand-drawn techniques of older Disney movies like Pocahontas and Fantasia. I believe it was Pixar’s Toy Story that started it all in 1995, but Shrek is the undisputed king of CG movies, having amassed over $2 billion dollars worldwide. Combining state of the art technology with top Hollywood voice talent and witty screenplays, Shrek has been enjoyed by pretty much everyone.

The first Shrek movie was fantastic. It was funny, smart, beautiful to look at, and just plain fun. Shrek 2 was a bit of a letdown, not at the box office, but for me. It wasn’t bad, but the first one was so much better it was hard to compete. Now that I’ve seen Shrek the Third I realize DreamWorks has pretty much run out of ideas and jokes and it’s time to let the series retire. But no, they’ve already announced Shrek Goes Fourth and Shrek 5, so this cow will continue to be milked for years to come.

Fantasy should not be mixed with reality, so having Shrek deal with the anxiety of being a father is not something the kids can relate to, or parents need to be reminded of. I rather watch Shrek fighting dragons than changing diapers. The villain once again is Prince Charming, who tries to take over Far Far Away, but we already saw this in Shrek 2. The new characters Artie (Justin Timberlake) and Merlin (Eric Idle) are not as funny or memorable as I’d hoped. They try their best to shine with the dialog they are given, but it didn’t work for me. All the returning cast did a good job, as expected, and Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy are still hilarious, and by far the funniest.

If you’re not into the Shrek series this one won’t convert you, and casual fans like me will be disappointed. I recommend watching the HD DVD version because even if the jokes are not funny at least everything looks gorgeous, vibrant and alive. I really hope they get it together for the next installment and bring Shrek back to its former glory.

Score:

Movie Review: Dragon Wars (aka D-War)

2008-02-11T01:21:00.001-04:00

Starring:
Jason Behr, Amanda Brooks, Robert Forster, Craig Robinson, Aimee García, Chris Mulkey, Elizabeth Peña

Director:
Hyung-rae Shim (Reptilian, Dragon Tuka)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and creature action.

Release Date:
September 2007

Synopsis:
In present-day Los Angeles, reporter Ethan Kendrick investigates a series of inexplicable disasters plaguing the city. Fortunately for the citizenry, legend has it that Ethan is in fact the incarnation of an ancient warrior destined to team with the modern counterpart of his eternal beloved to protect the City of Angels from a giant snake.

My Two Cents:
I’ve been sitting in front of my computer for a while trying to describe my feelings about this movie, but the only three words that come to my mind are “big fucking mess”. It’s like a really bad episode of Power Rangers where the guest villain is the Cloverfield monster. No, actually that would be cool. It’s like having $75 million dollars and exchanging them for having a giant snake take a diarrhea dump in your eyes for 90 minutes. Yeah, that’s more like it.

What would you do with $75 million dollars? That’s the estimated budget of D-War, a movie supposedly about dragons. That’s what the D in the title stands for, Dragons. But where are the dragons? I see a giant snake, raptors and some fat frog-ish creatures, but no dragons. According to an ancient Korean legend, magical gigantic snake-like creatures called Imugis wander our planet, waiting for the gods to transform them into dragons, but only one Imugi can be turned into a dragon. A woman is born with a dragon-shaped birthmark on her shoulder every 500 years, and that woman is called the Yeo-ui-ju. At the age of 20, the Yeo-ui-ju must sacrifece herself to the Imugi, and it will transform into a dragon and go to heaven. By the time the Yeo-ui-ju appears, two warriors are sent from heaven to protect her from evil Imugis. There’s a really mean one caller Buraki that’s so evil it controls an army of, guys in armor, and some dinosaurs, and what the fuck? Anyway, one of the two heavenly warriors fell in love with the Yeo-ui-ju and no new dragon was created. Fast forward 500 years, to preset time, and a new Yeo-ui-ju has been born and Buraki still wants a piece of that ass.

I would explain more about the mystical plot, but I was half-asleep the whole time so I don’t know much more than what I’ve written. Trust me when I say you can’t get involved too much with the plot because you could die from unstoppable laughter. Most of the movie is in English, but some flashback scenes are in Korean, because the director is from Korea and everyone involved in this mess is Korean, except the actors. Jason Behr (The Grudge) stars as Ethan Kendrick, the protector of the new Yeo-ui-ju played by Amanda Brooks. Just like 500 years ago, they fall in love and Buraki gets pissed all over again. Robert Forster (Jackie Brown) plays Jack, an antics shop owner and the reincarnation of one of the heavenly protectors of the Yeo-ui-ju. He knows kung fu. I like Jason and Robert, but they suck so badly in D-War thanks to a script written by a spider monkey and dialog written by an aborted child.

The only saving grace of D-War are the special effects. Clearly 99% of the film’s budget went to the visual effects crew, because it’s the only decent aspect. The giant snakes look cool, are animated fluidly and their interaction with the environments are believable. The other creatures are OK as well, like the small dragons that raid Los Angeles, but the snakes got the most attention. Speaking of those small fire-breathing dragons… where the fuck did they come from? The whole point of the movie is getting the damn Yeo-ui-ju away from Buraki so it doesn’t turn into an evil dragon god, but there are countless smaller dragons all over the place. Idiotic. The final showdown between the good Imugi and Buraki is pretty entertaining, and when a dragon finally appears I must say it looked awesome. This is how Shen Long should look like in the Dragon Ball Z movie.

Everything besides Buraki coiling around buildings in L.A. is a giant piece of reptile excrement. Horrible acting, laughable plot and dialog, bad pacing, lame sound effects for the snakes, and boring as hell locations ruin what could have been a cool movie about dragons kicking ass.

Score:

Babes of Gaming: Tifa Lockhart

2008-02-11T01:13:00.001-04:00

Designed by Tetsuya Nomura, Tifa Lockhart is considered to be one of the hottest and toughest Final Fantasy babes of all time. She joined Cloud’s party early on in Final Fantasy VII and was the only human character that used martial arts to defeat her foes. She competed with Aerith for Cloud’s heart, and won him in the end. Maybe Aerith’s death had something to do with it.

Her design was pretty simple, but her massive boobs left a big impact on gamers, and many girl gamers wanted to be like her. I’m not being sexist, just take a look at all the Tifa cosplayers around the world.

Tifa owned a bar called 7th Heaven, because it was located in Midgar’s Sector 7. It also served as a secret hideout for the anti-Shinra resistance group, Avalanche. It was here that Tifa reunited with Cloud after seven years since Sephiroth’s attack and massacre in their home town of Nibelheim.

The hot ass-kicking waitress has also appeared in the 1998 arcade and PlayStation One Namco fighting game Ehrgeiz as a playable character, in an odd Japan-only board game called Itadaki Street for the PS2 and PSP, and had a small cameo role in 2005’s Kingdom Hearts II. You can also enjoy her in the computer-animated film Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, where she helps Cloud accept his past and enjoy his present, as well as taking care of sick kids infected by the geostigma plague. Here she has an awesome fight with Loz, one of the three main bad guys of the film.

Weekend Box Office Report: Feb 8-10

2008-02-11T01:00:00.000-04:00

Not a very exciting week for movie-lovers. Fool’s Gold stars Mathew McConaughey and Kate Hudson, who search for sunken treasure in the Caribbean and they seem to have found it at the box office as well. The other new movie is Martin Lawrence’s comedy Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins and it had to settle with second place. I’m still amazed that Juno’s budget was about $7 million and it has made over $117 million, and counting.

1. Fool’s Gold
This week: $22,010,000
Total: $22,010,000

2. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins
This week: $17,127,000
Total: $17,127,000

3. Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour
This week: $10,508,000
Total: $53,390,000

4. The Eye
This week: $6,630,000 - Total: $21,521,000

5. Juno
This week: $5,725,000 - Total: $117,630,000

6. 27 Dresses
This week: $5,700,000 - Total: $65,369,000

7. The Bucket List
This week: $5,340,000 - Total: $75,058,000

8. Rambo
This week: $4,110,000 - Total: $36,504,000

9. Meet the Spartans
This week: $4,075,000 - Total: $33,915,000

10. There Will Be Blood
This week: $4,073,000 - Total: $26,782,000

Movie Review: Cast Away

2008-02-10T02:06:00.001-04:00

Starring:
Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt, Valerie Wildman, Geoffrey Blake, Jenifer Lewis, Chris North, Nick Searcy, Lari White

Director:
Robert Zemeckis (Back to the Future, Forrest Gump)

MPAA Rating:
PG-13 for mature thematic material, sexual content and language.

Release Date:
December 2000

Synopsis:
After Federal Express systems engineer Chuck Noland's plane crashes in the Pacific Ocean, he finds himself fighting to survive on a deserted island with nothing but a painted volleyball for company.

My Two Cents:
The idea of watching a two-and-a-half hour film about a guy trapped on a deserted island doesn’t immediately scream awesomeness, but there’s something about how Robert Zemeckis directs and Tom Hanks performs that makes it so compelling you won’t want to stop watching. Not even to go to the bathroom. You’ve probably seen the movie by now, and you know how it ends so I won’t worry about spoilers.

Chuck Noland (Hanks) find himself trapped in a small, lifeless island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean with nothing but the clothes he had when his plane crashed and a few Fed Ex packages that drifted ashore. The island is very small and has no food source, except for coconuts. No even birds fly by. There are some crabs and fish near the shore, but that’s about it. He’s no survival expert so he can’t even make fire to cook the damn crabs. For about 1:40 there is no dialog in the movie, only Chuck talking to himself and to a volleyball he names Wilson. The only thing he has from his home is a picture of his girlfriend, Kelly, who he loves dearly. He was enjoying the holidays with her before taking the flight which ultimately ruined his life.

Four years go by and Chuck can’t stand it any longer. He builds a raft and sets sail into the unknown, with his buddy Wilson of course. With no food and very little fresh water, he basically goes into the open sea to die. Better die braving it on the ocean than staying on that stinking island for the rest of his life.

When he’s rescued by a cargo freighter his nightmare is finally over. He goes back to Memphis, where the love of his life had been waiting for him but 4 years don’t happen in vain. She has formed a new family and moved on with her life. This is understandable, but still sucks because the thought of seeing Kelly again is what kept him fighting and surviving. Life’s a bitch, isn’t it?

During the time spent on the island there is absolutely no music, just ambient sounds and Hank’s crazy talk with Wilson. This was done to emphasize that he was very far away from civilization. Like I mentioned above, production on the movie was halted for a full year to give Hanks time to lose weight, in order to make the film as realistic as possible. The visual effects were used to create one of the most isolated environments imaginable.

Tom Hanks gave another Oscar-worthy performance, and was nominated for it. He also had to drop 50 pounds and grow out his beard for one year. That’s crazy, but he did it and it payed off. Few actors can accomplish this sort of conviction for one role. The result is a masterpiece of moviemaking at the hands of a talented director, actors and screenwriters.

Score: