Achievement Unlocked!

Oh great, Chucky and Tiffany killed Santa Claus. Not only are they into voodoo black magic shit but they have to push their beliefs unto everyone else. I hate those fucking dolls.

Achievement Unlocked

It's never a good idea to fall asleep in the tub, especially when Freddy Krueger is around. Some people have to learn this the hard way.

Achievement Unlocked

Harry Potter pulls off an Anakin Skywalker by turning to the dark side of the Force and becoming a Dark Lord of the Sith. Nooooooooooooo!

Achievement Unlocked

Finally, the weapons of mass destruction that President George W. Bush had been looking for have been found, but on an alien spaceship! Oops, too late. The aliens have destroyed the White House, but to their disappointment, Bush was out on vacation. An alien commander was heard saying: “I’ll get you next time, Bush, next time…”

Achievement Unlocked!

Although technically not monkeys, these primates help Link get through the Forest Temple in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. There’s more monkey business to be at the end of the temple, where you must face the monkey boss to retrieve the Gale Boomerang.

Achievement Unlocked!

If you thought only Superman was able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, think again. In Casino Royale, Sebastien Foucan can run like the wind, jumping from rooftop to rooftop to avoid being captured by Mr. Bond. It’s one of the coolest on-foot chases I’ve seen in recent years. This scene alone makes the film worth watching, but you might want to stick till the end to see Bond endure some macho ball torture. You know you want to.

Achievement Unlocked: Raped the Mushroom Kingdom

The Mushroom Kingdom is such a pretty place. Smiling clouds, friendly Toads all over the place, pretty stars, dancing flowers, rainbows you can walk on, and free money under every rock. Now imagine that instead of Mario you had to play as Ron Jeremy, the fat pornographic actor who is notorious for being able to perform autofellatio. Forget about Bowser kidnapping Princess Peach - Ron Jeremy will kidnap Bowser, rape him with a Chain Chomp, and then proceed to anally rape Peach, Luigi, Yoshi, Toadsworth, Wario, and even King Boo. Mama mia!

Achievement Unlocked

What normally happens when you and your sister kiss on the mouth? You get your arm cut off, of course. This was a hidden morality-conscious message in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, but few people could get over the fact that they took their kids to watch a PG-rated movie and got them to witness an incestuous act between two of the main characters to appreciate it. Nice going, Mr. Lucas.

Achievement Unlocked!

I love Xbox 360 achievements. There are few things more satisfying that beating a tough boss or getting a super high score and watching that little "Achievement unlocked" pop-up message. If you haven't experienced it yet you need to stop reading this and go get yourself a 360.

As cool as these achievements are, I find that there are other feats worthy of achievements, be it in video games, movies, or in real life. From time to time I will post pictures of achievement-worthy events, such as this one above.