COMING NEVER- Prepare for Dinner!

Auy...

Sorry for no comics for the past couple of weeks...Some things have been going on. I was out of town one week, and another week, there was just too much really going on....I should be back on track now...Although Shin has disappeared to Parts Unknown, as he often does... ¬ ¬ 

I know this is a pretty stupid comic. But it was just a cheap gag I thought of. It was also fun to draw Leonidas. I love 300; the movie and the original funnybook by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley. Great stuff. The movie was really well done. especially in following along with the comic; just like Sin City did. although that one was not made by the same people.

Also, color! :O There's a bit of color in this one! That's my homage to Frank Miller there. Although, the book was fully in color, by Lynn Varley...

Some people complained that 300 was not a 'realistic' movie, and point out all the historical flaws. Well, did it ever occur to anyone that this was done on purpose? That's done in movies all the time. Hell, look at anything Oliver Stone has done; he deliberately ignores history and the facts all the time. This is where you know that there are people who don't know some backstory about this movie, and the comics. Frank Miller loves the ancient Greeks and has studied them a lot. He KNOWS what he did, and why there were inaccuracies. Yes, he did it on purpose. You think that he doesn't know that the Spartans...wore...uh, armor? Of course he does. Also, there weren't ONLY 300 Spartans at the battle of Thermopylae; there were other warriors there, as well. Altogether, I think there was about 800 or so warriors. Miller was really focusing on the legend of the 300 warriors, and glorifying them greatly. Why is that so hard to understand or accept?

It's a movie, so you have to take it with a grain of salt anyway, and if you do try to take it too literally, well, then you won't enjoy it. But if you've already decided you want to see an EXACT re-creation, you're not going to enjoy it anyway. So I say, take it for what it is, and enjoy it.

Or not. It's up to you. I love the movie, and the book.

COMING NEVER: The Running of the Boll

I don’t know if Uwe Boll really means all the crazy things he says, or if he just plain doesn’t care what he says; because no one else cares. Whatever the case, he’s great at providing comedic material. That’s the only reason to even pay attention to him.

So this week the long-awaited Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens. And so does Boll’s not-at-all-awaited Postal opens, his most recent rampage upon games through a movie. You know, it’s actually frightening that Boll calls this movie his ‘dream project’. This man’s dreams are not to be taken seriously at all then. It’s also true it does open on the same day as Indiana Jones; in only 4 theaters. I am not kidding. That’s what the report says. 4 theaters. Boll of course has a new rant to go with this. He claims:

“Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid... We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won't let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book 'Postal'! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don't think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.”

Yes, theaters probably do have space, but they don’t want to waste it with this garbage. Although you have to think about how weird that is when you consider al lthe other complete garbage that IS allowed into theaters. The truth is, this just isn’t a ‘big’ movie. In any way. At all. And theaters aren’t going to pretend that it is. People will probably not see it. This definitely looks like a movie that would normally go directly to video.

Also, ‘exhibitors’, which I guess is how Boll refers to theaters, DO have a right to play or not play movies. That’s not called ‘censorship’. But most people would agree to that. Boll is just an idiot.

As for Indiana Jones, we’ve waited years for it. Many years. Early screenings have been positive, and it looks promising. I’m looking forward to a good show. And Lucas is even thinking about a 5th movie. Although, a few years from now, he’ll probably retract that and claim ‘I never said that’.

Also, as a note, next week’s comic might be a day late. I am going out of town this next weekend, and although I will be back Monday, I will probably be too tired. But I’ll see what I can do.

COMING NEVER: A Great Disturbance

As most people have come to realize, George Lucas is basically... senile now, or something. Or at least, he’s just become... wackier. None can explain it, but we’ve all seen it. This comic wrote itself, literally, when I saw the direct quote I inserted from the man himself. I don’t have many real doubts that the new Indiana Jones will be a good movie, but Lucas’s statement doesn’t fill me with confidence either. He just sounds like he doesn’t care. Maybe he doesn’t really. I don’t know. I’d feel a lot worse about this if Spielberg was not on board, basically keeping Lucas in check. And I think he’d be extremely surprised to hear about how we, the fans, actually DO remember the movies we love, and how we still experience them. But Lucas has often made it clear that fans are perhaps the strangest species of all life in any galaxy he has been in or created, and he doesn’t quite seem to grasp them. I agree to an extent; there is indeed a whole other universe of weirdness among the fans... And yet, I understand them more than Lucas usually seems to. The tremors in the Force we create when Lucas does or says something bizarre, such as this here, go largely unfelt.

There will be another Indiana Jones comic next week, too, to coincide with the opening of the movie. So that will be a trilogy of Indiana Jones comics right there. It’s just been too easy to think about these kinds of jokes. ‘All too easy’, you could say.

COMING NEVER: Silent But Deadly

See, I told you they all wouldn’t be the same thing over and over again. There’s no sitting in front of the computer in this one.

Anyway, I’m not making it a secret that I am not looking forward to the G.I. Joe movie. It...just looks and sounds awful. I’m certainly not convinced that Hollywood clown shoes will handle it right. I didn’t look forward to the Transformers film, and as I suspected, I found it pretty bad. I don’t think G.I. Joe will be any different. I intended to write an article about this later. The movie doesn’t open until about a year from now, so hey, I have plenty of time...

I’m sure Ray Park will make a decent Snake-Eyes. They probably just need him for his martial arts and acrobatic training. And since Snake-Eyes doesn’t talk, hey. Unless they decided to record over his voice again. But uh, let’s just hope that Snake-Eyes stays silent in this movie, too... And yeah, let’s hope he...looks taller in this movie.

I realize Storm Shadow doesn’t look like how he does in the movie, in this comic (I can no longer find the image of his appearance online. It seems all sites took them down). This comic was drawn before that image was released. Needless, his original, classic look is much better than how he will look in the movie. He basically looks like a rejected thug from The Matrix; probably one of the many working for the Merovingian. He’s got a white leather (or maybe latex?) coat and everything. And no mask. All the more reason this movie will be just plain not good.

I made a note of apology there to Ian McConville, who I stole Snake-Eyes’ pose from. I needed a good one, and I thought of something he did once. And his was also a chibi, so hey. I love his work, he’s just plain awesome. So, thank you, Ian, and erm... sorry.

COMING NEVER: Cutting Ties

Not all comics will be like this, in which we’re sitting in front of a computer, presumably looking at the internet, mention a movie, and then an imaginary setting emerges. This is only the second week, and only the second time I’ve done this pattern so far. Things will be different as time goes on. :P

I’m not sure why they decided to put Gambit in the movie of Wolverine’s origin, as opposed to one of the actual X-Men movies. Hopefully they won’t tie his actual origin in with Gambit too much, and preferably not really at all. So I’m not really sure if this will work out very well. Gambit used to really be hot stuff when he was introduced in the funnybooks, and for many years after that. I don’t think he’s retained quite the same amount of popularity today though. I do think of him as kind of a joke nowadays. He may have been cool once, but not so much now. We can only hope he won’t be a joke in the Wolverine movie. However, that won’t really stop us from making jokes about him anyway.

The last panel there is kind of a Frank Miller homage, even though Miller’s Wolverine was not in black and white. I just thought it would be neat to have Wolverine looking like a bad ass at the end.

Speaking of funnybooks into movies, Iron Man opens this Friday. I suppose I should have maybe made some kind of Iron Man comic to commemorate, but I never thought about it. And I can’t think of what I would say even now. Maybe sometime in the future if I can think of something.

COMING NEVER - The Saga Begins

Welcome to the first comic of COMING NEVER, which will have new postings on Mondays.

I decided to do a comic strip about movies because it’s not something you typically see; not i n the funnypapers, and not usually on the web either. Movie references are in comics all the time, but you don’t typically see a comic just about movies. Most online comics seem to either usually be about games, overall computer/dork stuff, and... elves. Or otherwise, fantasy themes. There’s nothing wrong with those things themselves, but I thought, if I made a comic online and was just another joke comic, what would be different about it? What would I do different that most other people are not doing, and yet, people can still relate to and find funny?

I thought that movies was a simple, and pleasing answer. I love movies, and love jeering them and pointing out their follies, even if they are movies that I like. And basically everyone watches movies. I do realize that the problem may arise that well, not everyone watches the same movies; just as not everyone plays the same games, so not everyone understands or appreciates the jokes in game comics all the time (myself included). But hits and misses are going to happen anyway. So I began to think simply about what kinds of movie jokes I could think of, and that’s how this comic started to come about.

I plan to overall have this be a black and white comic, simply because I cannot use color, in any medium, very well. It’s a phenomenon, is all I can say. But as time goes on, I may play with things here and there. We’ll see.



I hope you enjoy this comic, and continue to come back every Monday for new updates. So this comic is in reference to the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. In particular, it references to the movie’s poster, by Drew Struzan, in which there does seem to be the skull of typical gray-type alien... This comic then wrote itself after I saw the poster. How’s that for a first comic? I actually am looking forward to the movie, and wonder what the skull really means.

This isn’t the first comic I originally intended to post, nor is it the first I made, but it seemed like a good idea, the more I thought about it. I’ll probably get to my original post plans eventually.