Monday, May 19, 2008

COMING NEVER: The Running of the Boll



I don’t know if Uwe Boll really means all the crazy things he says, or if he just plain doesn’t care what he says; because no one else cares. Whatever the case, he’s great at providing comedic material. That’s the only reason to even pay attention to him.

So this week the long-awaited Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens. And so does Boll’s not-at-all-awaited Postal opens, his most recent rampage upon games through a movie. You know, it’s actually frightening that Boll calls this movie his ‘dream project’. This man’s dreams are not to be taken seriously at all then. It’s also true it does open on the same day as Indiana Jones; in only 4 theaters. I am not kidding. That’s what the
report says. 4 theaters. Boll of course has a new rant to go with this. He claims:

“Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid... We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won't let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book 'Postal'! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don't think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.”

Yes, theaters probably do have space, but they don’t want to waste it with this garbage. Although you have to think about how weird that is when you consider al lthe other complete garbage that IS allowed into theaters. The truth is, this just isn’t a ‘big’ movie. In any way. At all. And theaters aren’t going to pretend that it is. People will probably not see it. This definitely looks like a movie that would normally go directly to video.

Also, ‘exhibitors’, which I guess is how Boll refers to theaters, DO have a right to play or not play movies. That’s not called ‘censorship’. But most people would agree to that. Boll is just an idiot.

As for Indiana Jones, we’ve waited years for it. Many years. Early screenings have been positive, and it looks promising. I’m looking forward to a good show. And Lucas is even
thinking about a 5th movie. Although, a few years from now, he’ll probably retract that and claim ‘I never said that’.

Also, as a note, next week’s comic might be a day late. I am going out of town this next weekend, and although I will be back Monday, I will probably be too tired. But I’ll see what I can do.

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4 Comments:

Shin Lord said...

That’s just too easy, Shirow, picking on the retarded. You’re getting sloppy. We saw that with “A Great Disturbance”, and also in parts of “Silent But Deadly”, “Cutting Ties”, etc.

Shirow Wolf said...

Hey now, all of those are entirely different from this! Well, 'Cutting Ties' might not be.... ¬ ¬ 

It's not picking on the retarded; it's exploiting the bizarre! :D It WAS too easy because these last two comics were essentially written for me. Yeah, I'll admit to that. :P

But hey, it's not my fault when people other than myself say ridiculous things. I sometimes wish it was though. :P

Shin Lord said...

Have you ever played Postal on PC? No. Do you know anyone who has played it? I don't. Postal was not a big deal when it was released some years ago, and no one gives a shit about a movie based on a game no one played. Why would this film be Boll's dream? This is all so sad.

4 theaters is too many. Postal should not even be allowed to be distributed on home video. This guy is pathetic.

This has been my favorite Coming Never episode yet, by the way.

Shirow Wolf said...

I think Alexi might have played Postal. But I'm not 100% sure. :/

This movie was his dream project because he's a weirdo, I guess. :P

Wow, favorite comic! Gracias! :3