COMING NEVER: The Running of the Boll

I don’t know if Uwe Boll really means all the crazy things he says, or if he just plain doesn’t care what he says; because no one else cares. Whatever the case, he’s great at providing comedic material. That’s the only reason to even pay attention to him.

So this week the long-awaited Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens. And so does Boll’s not-at-all-awaited Postal opens, his most recent rampage upon games through a movie. You know, it’s actually frightening that Boll calls this movie his ‘dream project’. This man’s dreams are not to be taken seriously at all then. It’s also true it does open on the same day as Indiana Jones; in only 4 theaters. I am not kidding. That’s what the report says. 4 theaters. Boll of course has a new rant to go with this. He claims:

“Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid... We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won't let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book 'Postal'! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don't think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.”

Yes, theaters probably do have space, but they don’t want to waste it with this garbage. Although you have to think about how weird that is when you consider al lthe other complete garbage that IS allowed into theaters. The truth is, this just isn’t a ‘big’ movie. In any way. At all. And theaters aren’t going to pretend that it is. People will probably not see it. This definitely looks like a movie that would normally go directly to video.

Also, ‘exhibitors’, which I guess is how Boll refers to theaters, DO have a right to play or not play movies. That’s not called ‘censorship’. But most people would agree to that. Boll is just an idiot.

As for Indiana Jones, we’ve waited years for it. Many years. Early screenings have been positive, and it looks promising. I’m looking forward to a good show. And Lucas is even thinking about a 5th movie. Although, a few years from now, he’ll probably retract that and claim ‘I never said that’.

Also, as a note, next week’s comic might be a day late. I am going out of town this next weekend, and although I will be back Monday, I will probably be too tired. But I’ll see what I can do.

COMING NEVER: A Great Disturbance

As most people have come to realize, George Lucas is basically... senile now, or something. Or at least, he’s just become... wackier. None can explain it, but we’ve all seen it. This comic wrote itself, literally, when I saw the direct quote I inserted from the man himself. I don’t have many real doubts that the new Indiana Jones will be a good movie, but Lucas’s statement doesn’t fill me with confidence either. He just sounds like he doesn’t care. Maybe he doesn’t really. I don’t know. I’d feel a lot worse about this if Spielberg was not on board, basically keeping Lucas in check. And I think he’d be extremely surprised to hear about how we, the fans, actually DO remember the movies we love, and how we still experience them. But Lucas has often made it clear that fans are perhaps the strangest species of all life in any galaxy he has been in or created, and he doesn’t quite seem to grasp them. I agree to an extent; there is indeed a whole other universe of weirdness among the fans... And yet, I understand them more than Lucas usually seems to. The tremors in the Force we create when Lucas does or says something bizarre, such as this here, go largely unfelt.

There will be another Indiana Jones comic next week, too, to coincide with the opening of the movie. So that will be a trilogy of Indiana Jones comics right there. It’s just been too easy to think about these kinds of jokes. ‘All too easy’, you could say.

COMING NEVER - The Saga Begins

Welcome to the first comic of COMING NEVER, which will have new postings on Mondays.

I decided to do a comic strip about movies because it’s not something you typically see; not i n the funnypapers, and not usually on the web either. Movie references are in comics all the time, but you don’t typically see a comic just about movies. Most online comics seem to either usually be about games, overall computer/dork stuff, and... elves. Or otherwise, fantasy themes. There’s nothing wrong with those things themselves, but I thought, if I made a comic online and was just another joke comic, what would be different about it? What would I do different that most other people are not doing, and yet, people can still relate to and find funny?

I thought that movies was a simple, and pleasing answer. I love movies, and love jeering them and pointing out their follies, even if they are movies that I like. And basically everyone watches movies. I do realize that the problem may arise that well, not everyone watches the same movies; just as not everyone plays the same games, so not everyone understands or appreciates the jokes in game comics all the time (myself included). But hits and misses are going to happen anyway. So I began to think simply about what kinds of movie jokes I could think of, and that’s how this comic started to come about.

I plan to overall have this be a black and white comic, simply because I cannot use color, in any medium, very well. It’s a phenomenon, is all I can say. But as time goes on, I may play with things here and there. We’ll see.



I hope you enjoy this comic, and continue to come back every Monday for new updates. So this comic is in reference to the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. In particular, it references to the movie’s poster, by Drew Struzan, in which there does seem to be the skull of typical gray-type alien... This comic then wrote itself after I saw the poster. How’s that for a first comic? I actually am looking forward to the movie, and wonder what the skull really means.

This isn’t the first comic I originally intended to post, nor is it the first I made, but it seemed like a good idea, the more I thought about it. I’ll probably get to my original post plans eventually.

Vanity Fair Indiana Jones 4 Photos

Vanity Fair magazine made an Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull cover feature with interviews and exclusive pictures. Here are three of them for your enjoyment. Follow this link for their full 5 page article.

New Indiana Jones 4 Images

Today Ain’t it Cool News released these 3 new images from the set of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. After almost 20 years since the release of The Last Crusade, Harrison Ford looks just as good as he did then and is ready to crack that whip at any fool who stands against him and his hidden treasures. The movie stars Mr. Ford, William Hurt, Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, among others, and is set to be released on May 22 2008.