COMING NEVER: The Running of the Boll

I don’t know if Uwe Boll really means all the crazy things he says, or if he just plain doesn’t care what he says; because no one else cares. Whatever the case, he’s great at providing comedic material. That’s the only reason to even pay attention to him.

So this week the long-awaited Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens. And so does Boll’s not-at-all-awaited Postal opens, his most recent rampage upon games through a movie. You know, it’s actually frightening that Boll calls this movie his ‘dream project’. This man’s dreams are not to be taken seriously at all then. It’s also true it does open on the same day as Indiana Jones; in only 4 theaters. I am not kidding. That’s what the report says. 4 theaters. Boll of course has a new rant to go with this. He claims:

“Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid... We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won't let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book 'Postal'! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don't think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.”

Yes, theaters probably do have space, but they don’t want to waste it with this garbage. Although you have to think about how weird that is when you consider al lthe other complete garbage that IS allowed into theaters. The truth is, this just isn’t a ‘big’ movie. In any way. At all. And theaters aren’t going to pretend that it is. People will probably not see it. This definitely looks like a movie that would normally go directly to video.

Also, ‘exhibitors’, which I guess is how Boll refers to theaters, DO have a right to play or not play movies. That’s not called ‘censorship’. But most people would agree to that. Boll is just an idiot.

As for Indiana Jones, we’ve waited years for it. Many years. Early screenings have been positive, and it looks promising. I’m looking forward to a good show. And Lucas is even thinking about a 5th movie. Although, a few years from now, he’ll probably retract that and claim ‘I never said that’.

Also, as a note, next week’s comic might be a day late. I am going out of town this next weekend, and although I will be back Monday, I will probably be too tired. But I’ll see what I can do.

Boll 'Bouts For Bay's Blood? Nein!

Uwe Boll hates his critics. He has even challenged any of them to fight him in a boxing match. But he also has said previously that he would quit making movies if 1 million people signed a petition demanding he stop. He apparently hasn't been happy with the results so far, as a great many people have signed it so far, and Boll has even accused Steven Spielberg of forging names on the petition. Yeah .

Well, now, Boll also has a problem with Transformers director Michael Bay, and he wants to fight Michael Bay in the boxing ring.


Well, Michael Bay has responded to Boll's, errmm...challenge.


He has stated in part:

"Can we stop talking about this guy! I never even heard his name till last week when he made threats and rants. The guy is a ******* idiot, making threats to me, Clooney, Eli Roth, says he has a doctorate - but uses the word "retard" in his vocabulary, come on.* When you look at his videos, what is interesting are the backgrounds. I guess his low rent offices, with 15 year old 3/4 machines, archaic computers, this is just some dumb chump trying to get some fame when he has none, so he has to make Youtube lame quality anger rants. Guy just want attention because he can't get any for the so called movies he makes. Nothing sadder when he had his screening in LA to an over half empty movie house.

He is a troubled soul - let's not waste time on talking about him please."


'Troubled soul'? *snerk* I wonder about that. As I have said before, I really get the feeling that Boll just plain doesn't care what he says or who hears it, because no one does care what he says. And when no one cares what you say, you can say anything. A lot of people think Boll really thinks he's hot shit, and well, he probably does. But I do wonder how 'hot' he really thinks himself is, and how much of it is him simply not caring what he says.

People also can't help but keep talking about him though, because he's funny. He says things that are just so ridiculous, they are funny to mention. People aren't taking him any more seriously; if anything, people take him even less seriously, if that's even possible....But it's just funny to mention the silly things he says. Just like Jack Thompson.


So sorry, Boll, once again, you get a 'Nein!'.


*This is the rant in reference, in which Boll insults Clooney, Roth and Bay. In fact, he calls Bay a 'fucking retard'. And yes, he does refer to himself, TWICE, as a 'genius'. Yeah. He says about Roth that he is ' [not]Eli Roth, making the same shitty movies over and over again'. No, but you do MAKE shitty movies over and over again. :P

Sources:

Seibertron 1
Seibertron 2

Boll Gets a 'Nein!' For WarCraft Movie

This is honestly too funny. I mean, really. So, Uwe Boll actually did try to get himself onboard as director of the WarCraft movie that Blizzard is trying to develop. Seriously. And of course, Blizzard told him to go dunk his head in a toilet.

According to Boll himself, "I got in contact with Paul Sams of Blizzard... and he said, 'We will not sell the movie rights, not to you... especially not to you because it's such a big online game success, maybe a bad movie would destroy that ongoing income, what the company has with it.'

Boll then continued into a bit of a rant that didn't really have a real point: "You go for it to please the game fans, but on the other hand if you have the hardcore gamers, they live in their own world. And you cannot fulfill their ideas from a video game based movie, it's impossible...To be honest, the real gamers are the typical download guys, right? They don't pay anything for movies, because they illegally download the movies. So why I should please these guys? I need the normal audience."

Well, the part about 'you cannot fulfill their ideas from a video game based movie, it's impossible' is usually true. And Boll is part of the problem that MAKES that statement true. Everything is just his usual nonsense.

So, that's pretty funny, and I might be able to make a comic out of that... :D

Source: 1Up

Let's All Stop Uwe Boll From Making More Movies

In case you haven't heard, there's an online petition going around to make Uwe Boll stop directing movies. He said that if 1,000,000 people sign it he will retire, but he also begged his fans (lol) to start another pro-Boll petition. As of 11:00 AM of today there are over 160,000 signings on the get-the-fuck-away-from-the-cinema-industry petition, and counting. If you've suffered through shit like BloodRayne, Alone in the Dark or House of the Dead you owe it to yourself to sign the petition. Here's the link.



See what I mean? This guy is insane and must be stopped. Talking shit about Michael Bay, Eli Roth and George Clooney? My God... just go and sign the petition.