Starring:Steven Pasquale, John Ortiz, Johnny Lewis, Reiko Aylesworth, Kristen Hager, Robert Joy
Director:
Colin & Greg Strause
MPAA Rating:
R for violence, gore and language.
Release Date:
December 2007
Synopsis:
The intergalactic creatures do battle in a small American town, throwing local residents into harm's way. The humans must oust both types of unwelcome guests before they destroy the whole world.
My Two Cents:
Both the Aliens and Predator franchises are beloved by fans and for years the idea of seeing their two favorite alien species duking it out on the big screen was a major wet dream. Paul Anderson made that dream come true in 2004’s Alien vs. Predator, but it turned out to be a nightmare. Just three years later some special effects guys turned directors brought the two beasts back together in the sequel to the horrible AVP. Think about it, a sequel to a shitty movie directed by special effects guys. Hmm, I wonder how the movie turned out…
Shit. That’s the word I’d use if I could only describe the movie in one word. My friend Shirow Wolf was right; AVPR would not do anything to remove the bad taste the first AVP left in my mouth. It is watchable, but it has so many bizarre and unexplained events I can’t help but wonder if the writers were doing acid the whole time, or just part of the time.
The movie begins right where the first one left off. The Predator ship carrying the body of Scar is attacked by the Predalien that came out of Scar’s torso, and the ship crash lands back on Earth. Meanwhile, on the Predator home world, Wolf is watching Scar’s ship log, or whatever, and travels to Earth to stop the Predalien. I have no idea why he comes to Earth alone. If I was him I would bring as many Predators as I could fit in my ship. If the Predators are so bad ass then there’s no fun in having any more AVP films. The Predators always win, and that is that.
So Wolf tracks the Predalien to a small American town near Colorado but by the time he arrives the Aliens have spread and are now in the sewers eating bums. After blowing up Scar’s ship, Wolf starts pouring some blue shit over all the human corpses left by the Aliens, as well as dead Facehuggers. Um… why? Is he worried that humans will find the Xenomorphs? Why the hell would he care about that? And get this, while eliminating Alien evidence he skins a police officer and hangs him from a tree, for fun! He’s on a top priority mission to eliminate the Aliens, going through the trouble of destroying evidence of their presence, but finds the time to skin a guy? That’s fucked up.
The town’s sheriff starts freaking out when more and more people are disappear or turn up dead. The Aliens have multiplied big time and are all over the damn town, slaughtering humans left and right. Everyone in town is in full alert and the government is considering nuking the whole town. The situation has clearly gotten out of control, but Wolf still refuses to call for backup. Why? Would it bring dishonor to call for help? I mean, as good as he is there’s just too many fucking Aliens and it’s impossible for him to beat them all.
Without giving everything away, a lot of humans die horrible deaths, plenty of Aliens get owned by Wolf and there’s a semi climactive battle between Wolf and the Predalien at the end. Speaking of the Predalien, it sucks. Not only does it look ridiculous, it doesn’t seem to have any special Predator skills. Well, there is one thing it does that makes as much sense as its dreadlocks; the Predalien can impregnate pregnant women. Yes, you read that correctly. If it sees a pregnant woman, the Predalien can shove his phallic tongue, or whatever that thing is, and plant Alien embryos inside the woman’s womb, resulting in multiple baby Xenomorphs. Does that mean that’s how Predators procreate? This was perhaps the weirdest, most disturbing scene in the movie. Since there were only a few Facehuggers inside Scar’s crashed ship the Aliens had to multiply this way. Still, it seemed unnecessary and lame.
In the ending it is suggested that another movie will be made, and as bad as the movie is it still managed to make some money, so it’s very possible. I truly hope they stop taking dumps on this franchise and let it cool off for a decade before attempting another one. With a predictable plot, boring fights, bad acting and a laughable ending, I can’t really recommend AVPR to anyone but diehard fans who like anything with the words Aliens or Predator on it.
Score:
3 Comments:
Oh dear. Well, I did indeed warn you. :P
You know, I didn't hear about the Predator being referred to as....'Wolf Predator' until last week. What the Hell is that even for? Is that even necessary? He's just the one and only Predator in this movie (well, for the most part). Just call him the Predator. And what's with that name? Is it because he's a 'lone wolf'? ZZZzzzzzz....
It IS nice to see both the Aliens and Predators on the big screen again. I am...saddened to say the only Alien movie I ever saw was 'Resurrection. *shudders* I wasn't old enough for the others (and not even alive for Alien), and was also too young for the Predator movies too (I didn't see the first AVP theatrically; I watched it first on video). And I liked watching the Predator do things. He was basically the star of the show. I did find it puzzling he was...destroying all the evidence of the Aliens. What does he care if humans know about Aliens or not? It's not like we could do anything about it. I also thought it was kind of funny, but also kind of badass at the same time when, as is traditional in all Predator movies, he takes off his mask and decides he's going to kill with his bare hands. That's pretty badass. But that's because Predators are badass.
Actually, did the hybrid only 'impregnate' pregnant women? That lady in the diner wasn't pregnant that we know of, was she? Or..did I forget something? But yeah....that...really was the most retarded thing in the movie. Even more retarded than the complete nuking of the whole town. If they wanted more Aliens in this movie, uh, they could definitely have thought of a better way.
Yeah, the really sad thing is, these jokers said 'oh yeah, we're really working on making this one a better movie'. If this is what they call a 'better' movie, than I'd hate to see what they consider a BAD movie to be. You know, in all honesty, at first, I wasn't sure which of the two actually was the 'better' movie. But the more I think about it, the more I think the first one was probably better, despite it also being a Paul Anderson movie (although in all fairness, apparently Fox screwed over Anderson. He said they prevented him from doing some things he wanted to do. I believe him, really. I still don't think he makes good movies, so the movie still would not have been 'great' anyway). They emphasized 'oh yeah, we'll get an R rating for this movie'. And that's supposed to immediately make it 'better'? I think not.
By the way, yes, your 'Say cheese!' caption is all people need to know about this movie. That's pretty perfect. :P
Wolf is a lame name because I don’t think there are wolves in Predatoria, or whatever their home world is called. I’m guessing your theory is right, he’s a lone wolf so he should be called Wolf. The toughest AVP Predator had a scar, didn’t he? And what was he called? Scar. It’s all so clever.
I’ve seen every Alien movie and besides Predator 2 I’ve seen every Predator movie, including both AVPs. You could say I’m a fan, and I do get excited when I hear there are new Alien or Predator projects in the making. Sadly, these two past movies have disappointed me. If you get a chance watch all the Alien movies, in order. The second one, directed by James Cameron, is my favorite. You’ll see many similarities with the Metroid games, as the developers were clearly inspired by it.
Wolf is a badass Predator, and he almost contained the Alien infestation in the sewers, but you have to wonder how often they get the shit beat out of them if each Predator carries a self-destructing device with them. Or is that bomb detachable and is supposed to be used as a weapon? Anyway, as cool as Wolf was he didn’t do anything too fancy or different from past Predators. He was ugly as hell under that mask, perhaps the ugliest one I’ve seen so far. Don’t say all Predators look the same because that would be racist.
The lady in the diner wasn’t pregnant that I know of, so you got a point. Now I’m even more confused by the Predalien’s bizarre impregnating ability. Any woman could bear its children. Why? Could men get impregnated too? Perhaps it’s best that the movie didn’t go that far.
Are you familiar with the Wayland-Yutani company? If not, since you haven’t watched the whole Alien saga, you might be wondering who the hell that Asian woman at the end of AVPR was.
Oh no no no no. I've seen all the Alien movies. I love them. :P I simply have not seen all of them theatrically. I...only saw this one, and Resurrection, theatrically. :<
I'm about as familiar with the Weyland-Yutani company as anyone can be, from these movies. They 'build better worlds', basically. =/ That was another weird thing; so...these movies indicate that the company was formed....just so they could find the Aliens and Predators again??? What??? Horseshit.
It is true we only saw women become...'impregnated' by the hybrid though. I don't know if that was coincidence or not...Maybe you don't have to already be pregnant,. but you need to have a womb.
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