Justice League of America Castings

There have been many rumors regarding the castings of the upcoming Justice League of America movie, but at least some of these rumors can be put to rest because a few of the main superheroes have been officially casted.


Scott Palmer (Descent, Music & Lyrics) will play the man of steel, Superman, also known as Clark Kent.

Australian supermodel Megan Gale (Stealth, Stregati Dalla Luna) will be playing Amazon Princess Diana of Themyscira, also known as Wonder Woman. She’s got nude pictures on her calendar. Google away!

Rapper turned actor, Common (Smokin’ Aces, American Gangster), will play John Stewart, also known as the Green Lantern.

Arnie Hammer (Flicka, Blackout) will play the Dark Knight, Batman, also known as Bruce Wayne.

Adam Brody (Mr. & Mrs. Smith, American Pie 2) will play the speedy Wally West, also known as The Flash.

I’m not sure this movie is a good idea because too many characters at once is always a recipe for disaster. Remember Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation? Exactly. It has a 2010 release date so there’s still time to work on it. Hopefully it won’t suck pig balls.

Heath Ledger as The Joker

At the end of Batman Begins, Commissioner Gordon tells Batman there’s a new madman in town who leaves Joker cards at his crime scenes. Want to guess who that madman is? If you don’t know please leave this website right now.

We’ve known for a while that actor Heath Ledger (Brokeback Mountain, The Patriot) was cast as the insane mass-murdering clown and Batman nemesis The Joker, but only recently have pictures of him in full costume have emerged. Is his face horribly disfigured or does he apply his own make-up to look repulsive and creepy? Whatever the case, he looks seriously fucked up. I can’t wait to see more. The Dark Knight is set to be released on July 18 2008.

Movie Review: Paprika

Starring:
Megumi Hayashibara, Toru Furuya, Akio Otsuka, Katsunosuke Hori, Koichi Yamadera, Toru Emori

Director:
Satoshi Kon (Perfect Blue, Tokyo Godfathers)

Release Date:
November 2006

Synopsis:
Reality and the dream world are on a collision course after an experimental device that can record dreams is stolen from a psychiatric research facility. When the culprit begins intertwining the patients' nightmares with the staff's dreams, it's clear that the device has fallen into dangerous hands. Can Dr. Chiba Atsuko and her alter ego, a sprightly avatar named Paprika, stop the madness?

My Two Cents:
The reason I enjoy anime so much is because the Japanese writers and artists are not afraid of producing complex, state-of-the-art animated movies targeted for adults. When was the last time you saw an R-rated Disney movie? While Japan gets Akira and Ghost in the Shell we keep getting kiddy stuff like FernGully and Rugrats in Paris. Someone not used to anime or who has only watched Pokémon might find Paprika to be a complete mess of incoherent images and events. But if that’s the case then you should definitely limit yourself to shows with yellow electric rats.

As mentioned above in the synopsis, someone has stolen a few devices called DC Minis that let the user watch and even enter the dreams of their subjects. Dreams can also be recorded on film for further research. These devices were created by morbidly obese genius Tokita Kohsaku for the purpose of helping people with anxiety disorders and other psychological problems. Doctors Chiba Atsuko and Osanai Morio, along with Tokita, are sent by the research facility’s chairman, Inui Sei-jiroh, to find who the thief is and recover the DC Minis. Detective Kogawa Toshimi, one of the few people to go under the DC Mini treatment, lends the doctors a hand, but his main objective is to find the killer of a young man and to solve the mysteries behind his own disturbing nightmares.

During Detective Kogawa’s dream analysis sessions he is aided by Dr. Chiba, a woman with a stern and cold personality, who is the best dream shrink. In the dream world her personality and looks change to a younger, livelier girl that goes by the name of Paprika. She’s cute, sexy and very friendly, completely opposite of Dr. Chiba.

The only person that doesn’t seem to like the DC Mini is the research facility’s chairman. He doesn’t like the idea of people’s privacies being invaded because in the wrong hands that capability could have disastrous results. This makes sense, but why did he authorize the project to begin with? Anyway, his worst fears come true because that’s exactly what happens when the thief starts using the DC Minis to manipulate everyone who ever used the device.

The problem is that no one knows when they make the shift from reality to dreams. Even when strange things start appearing you don’t seem to find it odd enough for it not to be real. And I’m talking about weird shit like a parade of frogs, talking Japanese dolls, empty walking armors, elephants pushing crocodiles in wheelchairs, giant robots, and other ungodly things. You can also die while dreaming because you don’t have to be sleeping in bed for the dreams to start, so you’re sleep-walking into traffic or off the edge of a building. Not cool. Eventually the dreams become so twisted they start merging with reality and literally all hell breaks lose. Most of the times I was lost, not knowing if they were dreaming or not, but the characters themselves didn’t know, so I guess that’s what the director intended.



I can describe Paprika in two words: beautiful chaos. The animation is superb and the colors very vibrant. All the characters are hand drawn and most of the backgrounds are 2D paintings, but there is also some CG work here and there, like in Princess Mononoke, that fits perfectly with the 2D art. The detail in everyone’s face and the expressions they make are better than in most animes where they look stiffer. The dreams, or should I say nightmares, are very imaginative and surreal. I wonder if director Satoshi Kon did LSD in his youth. The colors, man, the colors!

One of my favorite aspects of the film is the soundtrack. If you manage to get your hands on it go straight to the track called “Parade”. That song is the shit and plays during the end credits. Other tracks to look for are “Shizuku Ippai no Kioku”, “Nigeru Mono” (it played during the theatrical trailer), and “Lounge” (also from the trailer).

While there’s nothing wrong with Paprika, it’s not the kind of movie I need to see more than once, at least not for at least a year. It’s fascinating to look at but it gets weird, fast. It’s a sight to behold and I highly recommend it, but a movie that makes me want to watch it again and again, like Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, gets a higher score. Still, anime doesn’t get much better than this.

Score:

Babes of Gaming: Sofia

You might not remember or maybe never heard of Sofia, but during the early days of the original PlayStation this whip-wielding Russian dominatrix was all the rage. She starred in the now defunct 3D fighting game Battle Arena Toshinden, developed by Tamsoft.

Sony knows sex sells, so they used Sofia to marked both the game and the PlayStation, putting her in print ads in all major gaming magazines. It was either her or the ridiculous Polygon Man. Guess which one the fans chose.

There weren’t that many 3D fighting games, or any games in general, to choose from when the PS1 launched, so pretty much everyone either owned or had played Toshinden at a friend’s house. It was far from perfect, but at least the graphics were pretty sweet. Back then Sofia had more polygons on her boobs than other games had in their entirety. She was an instant favorite with her blocky curves and skimpy outfit. This was before well endowed game babes like Kasumi (Dead or Alive) and Ivy (Soul Calibur) were the norm, so Sofia could be considered the grandmother of hotness in fighting games.

Her back-story was almost non-existent and completely forgettable. She was friends with Eiji, another fighter from the game, but was brainwashed by someone and forced to fight him. He beat the shit out of her and then they were friends again and really, who cares? She’s hot, sexy and can kick ass while wearing very high heels. Her boobs were more exposed in each new game in the series and her kicks were higher. For reasons not yet to mankind she was excluded from Toshinden 4’s roster. No wonder that game tanked.

There are rumors that a new Toshinden game will be released for the PlayStation 3, and they better include Sofia. It’ll be great to see how she looks in high-definition.

Owned!

Not even seatbelts could save these four bitches from Stuntman Mike's wrath.

Rambo Website Up and Running

The official Rambo website is now online. I have to say this is one of the best-looking Flash websites I’ve ever seen, similar to 300’s. You get the usual movie website stuff, like the synopsis, picture galleries, trailers, wallpapers and cast & crew bios. In some of the photos Stallone looks so buff he could tear a bear in half with his bare hands. Little by little more content will be added, but what is there now is worthy of a visit. Check it out: http://movies.break.com/rambo/

Cool Collectibles: Venom vs Spider-Man Statue

Based on the Marvel Zombies miniseries, this 12” statue made by Diamond Select features zombie Venom beating the shit out of zombie Spider-Man. Whoever wins, they both lose because they’re both dead. Just look at Spider-Man’s face, and he’s all skinny and creepy-looking. Venom looks pretty much the same as non-zombie Venom, so of course he’s winning. I wish this scene had been on the Spider-Man 3 movie instead of emo dancing and general gayness.

New Indiana Jones 4 Images

Today Ain’t it Cool News released these 3 new images from the set of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. After almost 20 years since the release of The Last Crusade, Harrison Ford looks just as good as he did then and is ready to crack that whip at any fool who stands against him and his hidden treasures. The movie stars Mr. Ford, William Hurt, Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, among others, and is set to be released on May 22 2008.

Movie Review: Planet Terror

Starring:
Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodríguez, Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton, Michael Biehn, Bruce Willis, Naveen Andrews, Quentin Tarantino, Stacy Ferguson

Director:
Robert Rodríguez (Sin City, Spy Kids)

Release Date:
October 2007

Synopsis:
El Wray and his ex-girlfriend Cherry Darling fight an army of zombies infected with a biochemical weapon unleashed by a psychotic Army lieutenant and an opportunistic scientist.

My Two Cents:
Zombies used to be scary when I was little, but now they seem silly. They’re usually slow and stupid so you just have to run past them. 28 Days Later gave us running zombies, and those are scary as hell. If you ever played the Resident Evil remake on GameCube you know how tough the running Crimson Heads are. So, when I heard Robert Rodríguez was doing a zombie movie I was expecting the baddest, most brutal and vicious zombies the world has ever seen, but that wasn’t the case.

Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan) just quit her job as a go-go dancer in a strip joint and meets her former lover, El Wray, in a diner. Meanwhile, a scientist (Naveen Andrews) is selling Project Terror, a biochemical weapon that turns people into mindless flesh-eating zombies, to Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis), but the transaction goes bad and the scientist releases the poison gas as payback. Texas is going to hell. A bunch of zombies attack Cherry and tear her right leg off. El Wray takes her to the nearest hospital where almost everyone seems to be infected with the virus. The police try to bring the situation under control but there are way too many zombies, so the few survivors team up and look for a way out of town. El Wray sticks a wooden table leg in Cherry’s stub to help her walk, but later replaces it with a machine gun. The special effect used on her leg is totally believable. Truly amazing.

For reasons not explained, El Wray is a kick-ass fighter, killing zombies left and right with hand-to-hand combat, knives and guns. Cherry is more of a victim until she gets her machine gun leg, then she goes all Rambo and starts killing everything in sight. She apparently has unlimited bullets and can shoot with her mind, since she never pulls the gun’s trigger. This is not a problem as the movie doesn’t take itself too seriously. I do not mind the humor, but I was expecting a jump-out-of-your-seat movie like Dawn of the Dead (2004), my favorite zombie movie so far.



The zombies in Planet Terror suck balls, literally. They have no intelligence and move slower than Jabba the Hutt on crutches. They do have a disgusting appearance, with pulsating blisters and deformed heads. Instead of blood they seem to be stuffed with watermelons because when they get shot they squirt impossible quantities of red liquid in all directions.

After watching the “heroes” run around for two hours I didn’t really cared if they lived or die. A few cool things happen, like a kid shooting himself in the face, a guy getting his nuts removed in cold blood, a puss-filled tongue blister exploding all over a doctor’s face, El Wray’s fighting scenes, knowing Michael Biehn (The Terminator, Aliens) is alive, Quentin Tarantino’s slimy penis, and Fergie’s cleavage, but none of this saved the film from being boring and disappointing. Bruce Willis is barely in it. I expected him to be sort of a boss character El Wray or Cherry would have to fight at the end, but he doesn’t do shit. The movie is too long, which is never a good thing when the plot is so simple. Also, the ending is a joke. It’s kind of sad the best part about Planet Terror is the fake Machete trailer at the beginning. I rather watch Danny Trejo and Cheech Marin slaughtering people than crummy zombies.

Score:

Weekend Box Office Report: Nov 23-25

Disney’s comedy about magic and romance Enchanted knocked last week’s number one movie Beowulf to third place. Newcomer video game adaptation Hitman took a disappointing fourth place, but it’s better than Stephen King’s The Mist which took ninth place on it’s opening weekend. It seems the dreaded mist is just ass gas. Here’s the complete list:

1. Enchanted
This week: $35,332,000 - Total: $50,048,000

2. This Christmas
This week: $18,600,000 - Total: $27,100,000

3. Beowulf
This week: $16,240,000 - Total: $56,361,000

4. Hitman
This week: $13,035,000 - Total: $21,000,000

5. Bee Movie
This week: $12,010,000 - Total: $112,069,000

6. Fred Claus
This week: $10,735,000 - Total: $53,070,000

7. August Rush
This week: $9,430,000 - Total: $13,330,000

8. American Gangster
This week: $9,207,000 - Total: $115,774,000

9. The Mist
This week: $9,062,000 - Total: $13,012,000

10. No Country for Old Men
This week: $8,112,000 - Total: $16,640,000

Cosplay: Mai Shiranui

Mai Shiranui is a super hot babe from the Fatal Fury and King of Fighters series. Her outfit is very revealing but that doesn’t stop her from kicking high and bending over every chance she gets. A Mai cosplay could be a sight to behold if done by the right woman, but it could scar your fragile little mind if done by anyone else.




This girl, like the character she’s playing, is Asian and very cute. Her body is tight and the costume quality is excellent. Even the background fits with Mai’s Japanese heritage. Go ahead and save this image for further study.

Um… although I have nothing against overweight people joining in on the fun of cosplay, a fat Mai Shiranui is just wrong. She’s a trained ninjutsu fighter, and there’s no way she would let herself go like this. It just doesn’t work for me.

Achievement Unlocked: Raped the Mushroom Kingdom

The Mushroom Kingdom is such a pretty place. Smiling clouds, friendly Toads all over the place, pretty stars, dancing flowers, rainbows you can walk on, and free money under every rock. Now imagine that instead of Mario you had to play as Ron Jeremy, the fat pornographic actor who is notorious for being able to perform autofellatio. Forget about Bowser kidnapping Princess Peach - Ron Jeremy will kidnap Bowser, rape him with a Chain Chomp, and then proceed to anally rape Peach, Luigi, Yoshi, Toadsworth, Wario, and even King Boo. Mama mia!

Tribute to Silent Hill

To celebrate the recent release of Silent Hill Origins on the PSP I’ll share this little fan film I made a while back as a tribute to the series. The PSP version has gotten some pretty bad reviews, and I haven’t played it, or even own a PSP, but it’s still good to know the series is alive and kicking, and twitching, and bleeding.

It was completely shot with a Canon PowerShot A540 digital camera, with the help of my wife, sister and niece. My ‘production company’ is not called Zero Budget for nothing. Turn the lights off and the sound up.

Movie Review: First Blood

Starring:
Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Brian Dennehy, Chris Mulkey, David Caruso

Director:
Ted Kotcheff (Weekend at Bernie’s, Law & Order: SVU)

Synopsis:
John J. Rambo, a mentally unstable Vietnam war veteran, gets harassed by a small town police Sheriff and is forced to start a one man war with the whole town.

My Two Cents:
It’s been 25 years since First Blood was released and I watched it for the first time 2 days ago. I really wasn’t expecting much because I always thought Rambo was about brainless action and gratuitous violence at the hands of a bloodthirsty soldier, but I was wrong.

Trying to make his way in life after surviving the horrors of war is not an easy feat to accomplish, as we can see from Rambo’s depression. Once a war hero, he now drifts aimlessly around the country. He has no family and all his friends were either killed in Vietnam or died from cancer for being exposed to Agent Orange. He has no job, no direction, no purpose.

While drifting through a small town he comes across the town’s Sheriff Teasle (Brian Dennehy) who suspects Rambo is a stinky bum, or maybe even a criminal. He wants Rambo out of his town so he offers him to give him a lift but instead takes him as far away from the town as possible. Rambo waits for the car to turn around and immediately starts walking toward the town like nothing had happened. Sheriff Teasle is so pissed he decides to arrest him. He finds a large survival knife on Rambo and takes him straight to the police station to spend the night and face a judge the next morning. The police officers have a field day with Rambo, hassling, hitting, and hosing him down. Their fun ends, however, when one officer holds him from behind while another attempts to shave him with an old-school big-ass blade. This takes Rambo right back to Vietnam, where he had been captured and horribly tortures with a machete. He snaps and starts bringing down the hurt on the officers, easily and quickly beating the shit out of them, including Sheriff Teasle who had just arrived at the station. Rambo escapes the police and runs into a forest to hide. This is bad news for the Sheriff, who is now even more pissed than before and is out to hunt him down. Why bad news? Because Rambo is at home in the jungle. He sets booby traps everywhere and one by one he takes the officers down, but spares their lives.



News of the insane bum gets out fast and soon there are hundreds of National Guards and State Police officers combing the forest. At this point the Pentagon sends in Colonel Trautman, the man who trained Rambo to be the killing machine that he is, to try and make him surrender. Unfortunately, Rambo was never trained to surrender.

I don’t remember a simpler plot to a movie. It’s all about a crazy ex-soldier hiding in a forest while the police try to kill him. No plot twists, no surprises, only survival. And it’s OK, because I enjoyed every minute of it. It’s fun to see Stallone go all Snake Eater, stealing weapons from fallen police officers, hunting and killing warthogs for food, placing booby traps and hiding behind trees waiting for some poor bastard weekend warrior to walk near him and then beat the shit out of him. One of the best parts of the film is when Rambo finally breaks down in front of Trautman, telling him some of the terrible things he has seen in his life as a soldier. It’s hard not to sympathize with him.

I’ll be definitely watching the sequels and get ready for the fourth film early next year. Till then, keep your oversized knife sharp and your M60 fully loaded.

Score:

Character Profile: Jar Jar Binks

Back in 1983, when Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi was released, many people thought the Ewoks ruined the film because there’s just no way that furry midget teddy bears could defeat Imperial Stormtroopers by throwing rocks at them. I for one love the Ewoks because although I know they are stupid, they looked so cute and cuddly when I was a child, that the love for them grew up along with me. But by 1999, when Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace was released, I was 21 and I did not want to see any Ewoks in my new Star Wars. There were no Ewoks, but there sure were a lot of Gungans.

In general, I like the Gungans because they live in cool underwater domes and have a pretty sweet army, along with cool technology and transports. Boss Nass, their leader, and Captain Tarpals are pretty cool and do their jobs well. But there’s one Gungan in particular I don’t like: Jar Jar Binks. Why oh why is he so stupid and annoying? Was George Lucas high when he created him? Worst of all, he’s one of the most important characters in the movie, and continued to play an important role in Episode II as well.

So what makes Jar Jar so hateable?

1. His face is stupid. While most Gungans look alike, Jar Jar’s face is beyond retarded. Qui-Gon told him the ability to speak doesn’t mean he’s intelligent, and Obi-Wan referred to him as a pathetic life form. Jar Jar didn’t feel bad or anything, as he probably doesn’t understand the concept of stupid.

2. The way he talks. “Yousa tinkin yousa people gonna die?” Who talks like that? All the other Gungans talk like this, and it irritates the hell out of me, but Jar Jar’s voice is the worst and most stupid. Did George Lucas tell Ahmed Best (the voice actor) to talk like he just ate a peyote cactus for his audition? I can’t understand anything he says. It's easier to interpret Jabba the Hutt without reading the subtitles.

3. He’s a dumb fuck. I am constantly wondering how he managed to live long enough to even reach adulthood. He walks like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo and seems to have an IQ below 60. He does everything wrong. His own people hate him and banned him from the city because he is clumsy.

4. He helped create the Empire. Chancellor Palpatine had no problems persuading Jar Jar to propose the senate give him special powers to create a Grand Army of the Republic, which he would later use to create the Galactic Empire to kill all the Jedi and enslave anyone who opposed him. Nice going, Jar Jar.

5. He’s a walking and talking racist stereotype. I don’t completely agree on this one but many people hate Jar Jar because he reminds them of blackface actors from early 20th century that spoke in broken English and behaved like idiots. He says 'meesa' all the time, and black slaves used to call their owners 'masa' instead of master. Other characters were accused of being stereotypes as well. Watto is a big-nosed, greedy Jew and the Neimoidians are evil, power-hungry Japanese. Did Lucas do this on purpose or is it a conspiracy?

I’ll never understand why Lucas decided to give Jar Jar such a stupid personality and so much air time. What The Phantom Menace needed was less Binks and more Maul. He learned from his mistake and gave him less scenes and dialog for Episode II and barely included him in Episode III, but the damage had already been done. Jar Jar Binks… yousa suckin big doo-doo!!

Babes of Gaming: Nova

This futuristic piece of ass is Agent 12-862, also known as Nova, from the cancelled Blizzard game StarCraft: Ghost. It was announced in 2002, but four years later it was put on indefinite hold, which is a pretty word for ‘cancelled’. Many fans cried while others started writing hate mail to Blizzard. This could have been a fantastic console action/stealth game, but for whatever reason it was canned.

Nova’s skin-tight suit and her expertise in weapons and war tactics put her head and shoulders above many of the other babes in video game land. Lara Croft has a nice rack, but Nova has a nice rack AND can snipe you from space. Her suit had special camouflage that could make her invisible, but what fun is there in being a babe if no one can see you? I'm not sure what the deal with her headgear is, some kind of night-vision goggle thing or a GPS system, but whatever it is seems to boost her coolness.

Fans of Nova were sad to find a tomb in World of WarCraft with her name on it, but now the hopes of seeing her again are high because some of the concept art from StarCraft II shows people wearing armor similar to hers, maybe from the same Ghost squad. Blizzard says that she will only appear in the game if the circumstances are right, not just having her as a cameo for the fans. Hopefully we’ll be seeing more of Nova in the near future.

G.I. Joe's Baroness to be played by Sienna Miller

The first actor to be given a role in the upcoming G.I. Joe movie is Sienna Miller (Alfie, Stardust), who will be playing the role of Cobra Commander’s lieutenant, Baroness. The sexy femme fatale has always been a fan favorite, as she is both hot and heartless, except for Destro whom she seems to really “dig”.

Director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) can only hope to pull this off without pissing loyal fans off by changing the storyline or making cool characters seem lame. Transformers was a huge hit so at least we know there is a lot of interest in cartoon and comic series from the 80’s. Stay tunes for more info as it becomes available.

Movie Review: Dead Silence

Starring:
Ryan Kwanten, Amber Valletta, Donnie Wahlberg, Bob Gunton, Judith Roberts, Laura Regan

Director:
James Wan (Saw, Death Sentence)

Synopsis:
In the wake of his young bride's mysterious death, grieving newlywed Jamie Ashen is forced to return to his haunted hometown, where he butts heads with the ghost of a creepy ventriloquist who was infamously murdered years ago, and is somehow attached to his family.

My Two Cents:
When I think of creepy stuff, my second choice is always ventriloquist dummies. My first choice? The Burger King. There’s something about those hell dolls that makes them scary. You stare at them, waiting for them to move. Their blind stare is hypnotic, and those awful mouths… the horror! I like scary movies, so a movie about the dolls I hate so much sounds like a perfect deal, and even sweeter if the team responsible is the same one that made the Saw movies. Can’t top that… right?

A newlywed couple receives a mysterious package at the front door of their apartment, and inside is a creepy-as-hell dummy called Billy. He comes in his own little box that sort of resembles a coffin. Charming. Lisa (Laura Regan), the wife, recalls an old scary urban legend about a ventriloquist woman named Mary Shaw who was murdered and came back from the dead to steal people’s tongues if they screamed. The husband, Jamie (Ryan Kwanten), runs out to get some Chinese food or something and when he returns he finds his wife dead, with her jaw broken and her tongue ripped off. Hmm… I wonder who could have done that?

Police Detective Jim Lipton (Donnie Wahlberg) suspects Jamie of murdering his wife and follows him to his hometown, Ravens Fair, a town as depressing as Silent Hill but without the twitching, deformed people. Jamie visits his father (Bob Gunton) and meets his new stepmom Ella (foxy MILF-ish Amber Valletta) and asks them about Mary Shaw. It turns out about 70 years ago Mary Shaw’s ventriloquist act was the town’s main sensation at the local theater, but one kid in the audience shouted he could see her lips moving, making Miss Shaw royally pissed off. The boy went missing shortly after and everyone suspected Mary of kidnapping and probably murdering the boy. So what was the town to do? Kill the bitch, of course, and bury her with her 101 dolls. I guess every little no-name town needs shit like this to stand out.



So that’s the plot. Jamie runs around town asking people questions while Mary Shaw kills pretty much everyone around him. That’s just stupid. If she’s pissed off at Jamie why doesn’t she just kill him instead of killing people around him to scare him? When you finally learn why she hates him so much, you don’t even care anymore. That’s because Jamie sucks, Detective Lipton is a jerk, Mr. Ashen, the father, offers the worst performance of his career, thus, you don’t give a shit about him, and the doll is shown so often he stops being scary and starts being hilarious. This is not a scary movie at all. Some stuff is creepy, like the dolls and maybe a few scenes with Mary Shaw, but that’s it. The whole plot is laughable and predictable and the effects are ass. There’s a slightly cool plot twist at the end, but if you’re still awake by then you just won’t care and it doesn’t make that much sense. You need to check the DVD’s alternate ending to understand what the hell was going on, and then you realize that movies with alternate endings suck balls because it’s evident the writers didn’t know what the fuck to do with the movie, so they made stuff up as they filmed it.

The only good thing about Dead Silence, besides not watching it, is catching the Jigsaw puppet cameo (from Saw) near the ending. It’s on the floor next to a wooden column, in the scene where Mary Shaw inexplicably turns into a clown.

Score:

New Halo 3 Multiplayer Maps

Halo 3 will be getting three new multiplayer maps in less than three months after the game’s release. The Heroic Map Pack is coming on December 11 and will include a big-ass indoors map called Rat’s Nest for large team battle mayhem, a medium-sized outdoors map called Standoff, and an industrial warehouse map called Foundry that should be mostly suited for Forge madness.

Sounds great, right? Wrong! The Map Pack will cost a ridiculous 800 MS points ($10). Think about it. You can buy Castlevania: Symphony of the Night on Xbox Live Arcade for 800 points. That’s just stupid. If you can wait a few months you’ll be able to get the Map Pack for free, but by then there will be another Map Pack with brand new maps and then you’ll want that one too, for another $10 or maybe even more. I love downloadable content, but hate Microsoft’s greed.

Oddworld is Coming to Theaters and TV

Oddworld Inhabitants' action/puzzler is coming to both theaters and television. GameIndustry.biz talked with Lorne Lanning from Oddworld Inhabitants and he told them there are currently four Oddworld projects in the works; a CG movie, a TV series and two unknown projects. Lanning also mentioned all four projects will use game technology, whatever that means.

I liked Abe's Oddysee (1997, PS1), but only played demos of Munch's Oddysee (2001, Xbox) and Stranger's Wrath (2005, Xbox). Overall I really like the Oddworld universe, maybe because there are plenty of alien farts and burps. I look forward to more game titles as well as the movie and TV series.

Cloverfield Second Trailer Now Online

Here's the second Cloverfield trailer that is currently showing in theaters before Beowul. It's a teaser more than a real trailer, as it doesn't give you much information. Apparently a big-ass monster is wrecking havoc in New York, doing as it pleases and no one can stop him. Wouldn't it be cool if the monster turned out to be Ralph, George or Lizzy from the game Rampage?

Movie Review: Ratatouille

Voice Cast:
Patton Oswalt, Lou Romano, Brad Garrett, Ian Holm, Janeane Garofalo, Brian Dennehy, James Remar, Peter O’Toole, John Ratzenberger

Directors:
Brad Bird and Jan Pinkava

Synopsis:
A passionate rat named Remy yearns for a sip of the good life. Growing up beneath a five-star Parisian restaurant owned by a famous chef, Remy inherits a taste for fine food. But his culinary ambitions only anger his practical father, who wishes his son could just eat garbage like every other rat in the colony.

My Two Cents:
I have a weak spot for CG movies, especially if they’re made by Pixar Animation Studios. I was totally blown away by Toy Story back in 1995 and since then I’ve been a big fan of their work. Their movies not only feature state of the art computer generated images, but offer movie fans unique stories, humor and charm every single time. Ratatouille is no exception.

Rats are associated with filth and thievery, so it’s not easy for Remy (voiced by comedian Patton Oswalt) to hide his love for fine food from the rest of his rat colony, especially his father (voiced by Cocoon’s Brian Dennehy), whom all live in the attic of an old woman’s house in France. Unlike the other rats, Remy doesn’t like eating garbage, or the fact that they have to steal it. He has been sneaking, without his father’s permission of course, into the house’s kitchen where he likes to read a cookbook written by the owner of Paris #1 restaurant, Chef Gusteau (voiced by Everybody Loves Raymond’s Brad Garrett). Remy’s father knows his son has a unique ability to smell ingredients in food, but only approves of this talent if it’s used as a rat poison alert system. Remy’s brother, Emile, is the only one who knows about this, and as Remy tries to show him the wonders of cooking they are spotted by the old lady and all hell breaks lose. The whole colony needs to evacuate and in the process Remy gets lost inside a sewer. Fearing everything is lost, he creates an imaginary friend, Chef Gusteau, who guides him to his restaurant so he can live his dream of becoming a cook.

You see, a while back a jaded food critic gave Gusteau’s restaurant a poor review, causing the chef to fall ill and eventually die. Damn! It went from being a 5-star restaurant to only having 3. Gusteau’s ghost believes Remy can somehow bring glory back to his restaurant, that’s currently run by the grumpy Mr. Skinner (voiced by Ian “Bilbo Baggins” Holm) who wants to move from gourmet food to frozen TV dinners and such using Gusteau’s name.

When Remy accidentally falls inside the restaurant’s kitchen and starts secretly making a delicious soup he is caught by Linguini, the new garbage boy who is a born loser, and is ordered by Skinner to kill the rat. Linguini discovers that Remy not only understands him but is also a fantastic cook. Linguini can’t cook, and Remy can’t waltz into the kitchen to cook, so they figure a way of making Remy control Linguini by hiding in his chef hat and pulling on his hair, moving his arms and legs as he sees fit. All sort of hilarious situations ensue as a result of this.

Like every other Pixar movie, the visuals are stunning. I have to mention that I watched the high-definition Blu-ray version of the film, and although I’m pretty sure the standard-definition DVD looks great, the HD visuals have to be seen to be believed. This is the best-looking Blu-ray movie I’ve seen so far, and I’ve seen plenty. You can see every little detail, from the rat’s individual hairs, to the rich textures of all the food. Unlike live-action Blu-ray films like Pirates of the Caribbean which have occasional dark scenes where grain creeps in, every single frame in Ratatouille looks perfect in all its 1080p glory. Beautiful colors, breathtaking scenery detail, and top-notch animation.

Composer Michael Giacchino (The Incredibles, Mission: Impossible III) created a very nice score that fits the Paris setting as well as the moods of each of the main characters perfectly. It’s never distracting, out of place, or overly repetitive.

The movie is almost 2 hours long, but I was not bored for a single second. Even when there’s not a whole lot going on you’ll still be mesmerized by the details of the backgrounds and the characters. My secret addiction to Food Network’s Iron Chef America helps me appreciate the movie more, although Ratatouille is less about cooking and more about finding your way in life. There’s no reason not to watch this wonderful film. Bon appétit!

Rating:

Docking Bay 94 Update

As you may or may not know, I run a Cafepress T-shirt shop called Docking Bay 94, where you can buy several different styles of T-shirts for men, women, children and even dogs. There are also aprons, teddy bears, mouse pads and other stuff, but it's mostly about T-shirts. To visit my store you may click the banner at the top of the page, the one with Yoda, or follow this link: www.db94shirts.com.

Last night I added 6 new designs that you can see in the image below. It's always fun to test your gaming/movie knowledge by reading the quotes on the shirts and browsing your memory index to see which movie or game they belong to, so I'll type the answers below the image.

1. Fight through the pain! - Marcus Fenix (Gears of War)

2. Let the Wookiee win - Han Solo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope)

3. I can't drive, so I'm gonna walk all over you! - Soda Popinski (Punch-Out!!)

4. Don't make me destroy you - Darth Vader (Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back)

5. My father could beat you, and he's dead! - Dan Hibiki (Street Fighter Alpha)

6. It's a trap! - Admiral Ackbar (Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi)

Super Mario Land 2 TV Commercial

Back in 1992 no one knew who Wario was, yet Nintendo chose him as the main attraction for their Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins TV commercial. It was very nicely animated and had a pretty sinister message: make Wario your master and destroy Mario. Not bad for a kiddy games company. If you missed it when it aired 15 years ago take a look at the YouTube video above. The quality is ass, but it’s worth checking out. Wario commands you to watch it. The game was pretty darn sweet, by the way.

Weekend Box Office Report: Nov 16-18

It seems people can't get enough of computer-generated movies. All the Pixar movies have done phenomenally at the box office, and the Shrek series is one of the biggest money-makers in history. So it's no surprise that this weekend's #1 movie is Robet Zemeckis' Beowulf. The visuals in that movie look sick. Also, Jerry Seinfeld's Bee Movie has been hovering over the first two spots on the top 10 for 3 weeks in a row. On with the list:

1. Beowulf
This week: $28,100,000 - Total: $28,100,000

2. Bee Movie
This week: $14,300,000 - Total: $93,862,000

3. American Gangster
This week: $13,218,000 - Total: $100,993,000

4. Fred Claus
This week: $12,000,000 - Total: $35,799,000

5. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
This week: $10,025,000 - Total: $10,025,000

6. Dan in Real Life
This week: $4,511,000 - Total: $37,099,000

7. No Country for Old Men
This week: $3,098,000 - Total: $4,930,000

8. Lions for Lambs
This week: $2,904,000 - Total: $11,591,000

9. Saw IV
This week: $2,330,000 - Total: $61,848,000

10. Love in the Time of Cholera
This week: $1,915,000 - Total: $1,915,000

Star Wars at the Oscars

Everybody seems to like Star Wars, both men and women, old and young, and everyone in between. It has left its mark on modern pop culture and completely revolutionized the film industry. But have you ever wondered how well it has been received by movie critics? More specifically, the Academy Awards? I’ve made a list of all the Oscars the six Star Wars movies have won or at least been nominated for, starting with 1977’s A New Hope. Awards won are listed in bold.


Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)

- Best Art Direction -- John Barry, Norman Reynolds, Leslie Dilley, Roger Christian
- Best Costume Design -- John Mollo
- Best Film Editing -- Paul Hirsch, Marcia Lucas, Richard Chew
- Best Original Score -- John Williams
- Best Visual Effects -- Industrial Light & Magic: Richard Edlund, John Stears, John Dykstra, Grant McCune, Robert Blalack
- Special Achievement Award (Sound Effects) -– Ben Burtt
- Best Supporting Actor -- Alec Guiness (Obi-Wan Kenobi)
- Best Writing -- George Lucas
- Best Director -- George Lucas
- Best Picture of the Year -- George Lucas, Gary Kurtz (Producer)


Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

- Best Sound -- Bill Varney, Steve Maslow, Gregg Landaker, Peter Sutton
- Special Achievement Award (Visual Effects) -- Industrial Light & Magic: Dennis Muren, Richard Edlung, Brian Johnson, Bruce Nicholson
- Best Art Direction -- Norman Reynolds, Leslie Dilley, Harry Lange, Alan Tomkins, Michael Ford
- Best Original Score -- John Williams


Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)

- Special Achievement Award (Visual Effects) -- Industrial Light & Magic: Dennis Muren, Richard Edlung, Phil Tippett, Ken Ralston
- Best Art Direction -- Norman Reynolds, Fred Hole, James Schoppe, Michael Ford
- Best Original Score -- John Williams
- Best Sound -- Ben Burtt, Gary Summers, Randy Thom, Tony Dawe
- Best Sound Effects Editing -- Ben Burtt


Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

- Best Sound -- Gary Rydstrom, Tom Johnson, Shawn Murphy, John Midgley
- Best Sound Effects Editing -- Ben Burtt, Tom Bellfort
- Best Visual Effects -- Industrial Light & Magic: Dennis Muren, John Knoll, Scott Squires, Rob Coleman


Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

- Best Visual Effects -- Industrial Light & Magic: Rob Coleman, Pablo Helman, John Knoll, Ben Snow


Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

- Best Make-Up -- Dave Elsey, Nikki Gooley

So it won 9 Oscars out of 24. Not bad, but I'm still wondering why it didn't win more Best Visual Effects awards, with Episode III not even being nominated for it. Actually, none of the prequels won anything. Still, it’s a very impressive list of achievements and shows that everyone acknowledges the awesomeness of one of the greatest, most technologically advanced movies series ever made. Remember, the Force will be with you, always.

Cosplay: Dhalsim

This is a perfect example of cosplay done right. This guy looks a lot like Street Fighter II's Dhalsim, even if he’s not really from India. Nice costume overall, with an added cape/robe thing that doesn’t look bad at all. The skull necklace is a bit small, but everything else is great, down to the face and head paint. Thumbs up!

Wow, this guy looks even more like Dhalsim than the first one. He’s skinny but fit, and the accessories look perfect. I want one of those skull necklaces. I’m pretty sure he could even throw fireballs from his mouth and stretch to impossible lengths. I bet he’s popular with the ladies…

J.J. Abrams' Monster Movie Officially Titled "Cloverfield"

J.J. Abrams’ (Lost, Mission Impossible III) monster movie is officially called Cloverfield, and its new trailer can be seen playing before Beowulf, which opened yesterday. There’s still not a whole lot of information on the film, besides it being completely shot with handheld home video cameras from the perspective of the monster’s victims. The original teaser trailer was great, as is the poster above. We can look forward to Cloverfield’s release on January 18 2008.

Cool Collectibles: KOS-MOS Statue

Although I’ve never played Xenosaga I’ve always liked KOS-MOS because of her intricate design and general coolness. That’s exactly why I like this statue from Alter. It is highly detailed and well-made. This statue costs around $89.99, and seems to be worth every penny.

Babes of Gaming: Lara Croft

Name: Lara Croft
Game: Tomb Raider

Lara Croft is one of the top gaming babes ever, giving wet dreams to nerds everywhere since the first Tomb Raider was released in 1996. She’s smart, intelligent, extremely athletic, confident, voluptuous, mature, and also has a sexy British accent. There’s no tomb she won’t raid, no treasure she won’t hunt, and no man she won’t drive nuts. Her choice of clothing for adventuring the world barely cover her body, and gives her almost no protection. But it doesn’t seem to matter. She’s tough as nails and won’t let anything stand in the way of her ancient treasures, be it rival treasure hunters, wolves, mummies, dinosaurs, or supernatural creatures from beyond.

Note: What’s up with that picture above with her mouth open like she was about to suck on a big piece of man meat? I know sex sells, but that’s very naughty.

Star Wars Could Return to Theaters in 2008

Since Hasbro has the Star Wars license for making action figures and such it’s no surprise to know they will be making toys based on the upcoming Clone Wars animated series, but during the Hasbro Fall 2007 Analyst Event the company’s COO revealed that Lucasfilm plans to release the series pilot episode in theaters on August 8 2008. Now that I didn’t know.

When asked about this story, a Lucasfilm representative said they are looking at several exciting ways to promote the new Clone Wars TV series, but they have not made any decisions yet.

So why would Hasbro not only say they’re releasing it on theaters, but also give a specific date? Did Hasbro jump the gun or are they full of Bantha poodoo? We’ll know soon enough as more information becomes available.

Source: TheForce.net

Sony PS3 TV Spots: Europe vs America

American PlayStation 3 TV Spot

Holy shit! I already own a PS3 but I want another one after watching this awesome commercial. It's one of the best video game ads I've ever seen. It also reminds you that with the PS3 you're getting a built-in Blu-ray player so you can watch exclusive HD movies from Columbia Pictures, Disney and 20th Century Fox. Congratulations Sony, your efforts are paying off.

European PlayStation 3 TV Spot

Smiling poodles, circus folk, plastic hair, soulless women... What the hell is this? Who in their right mind would see this ad and get the irresistible urge to buy a PS3? Seriously, what were they thinking? European gamers are getting no love from Sony, unless bizarre, gay, and creepy describe their idea of love.

Rambo is Back! Should we Hide?

Can you believe I’ve never watched a single Rambo movie, ever? Just bits and pieces when there was nothing else on TV. As a kid I managed to watch R-rated films like Predator and Aliens, but Rambo just didn’t interest me at all. All my friends had watched it and wanted to be like Rambo, but I wanted to be like Luke Skywalker, and still do.

When I heard Stallone was making another Rambo as well as another Rocky I honestly thought it was a joke. “Is he broke?”, I thought to myself, “What’s next, Judge Dredd II?” But when I finally watched Rocky Balboa, and really liked it, I thought that perhaps old Sylvester knew what he was doing. He’s letting us know what happened to those characters 20 years since we last saw them. They’re older, worn out, but still full of heart. Now suddenly I’m all excited about the next Rambo. I hope Stallone can impress me a second time.

Dragon Ball Z Movie Castings

Oh boy, just when I had completely forgotten about it, news on the Dragon Ball Z movie begin to surface. Don’t get me wrong, I dig Dragon Ball Z, but a live-action movie has the potential to be horrendous and life-altering. I want it to be amazing and succeed, but there’s almost no way this movie will do the anime series any justice.

Remember that kid from War of the Worlds who played Tom Cruise’s son and also starred in The Invisible? According to the Hollywood Reporter he has been cast as Goku. What? Not Gohan, but Goku. Justin Chatwin is 25 years old but doesn’t have what it takes to be a leading man, in my opinion, at least not if the leading man is a super powerful alien martial arts expert with an impossible hairdo.

It was also announced that James Marsters will play Goku’s former rival, Piccolo. Yes, that is indeed Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series and Professor Milton Fine from Smallville. If the make-up looks good I guess he could be a passable Namek. Time will tell.

James Wong (The One, Final Destination) will direct the film and Stephen Chow (Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer) will produce it. Some of their movies have been surprisingly good, but I’m still crossing my fingers, hoping all this is a cruel practical joke. If it’s not, then may Shenlong have mercy on our souls.

Interplay to Play Again

It seems Interplay is not completely dead after all. Today GameSpot posted an article saying Interplay wants to come back to gaming by making sequels to some of their best-known series, like Earthworm Jim, MDK, Dark Alliance and Descent. That’s great, if they somehow can find the money needed to develop those titles. I really hope they can get their act together because it’s been a while since I last saw my old wormy friend Jim.

If Interplay does make a triumphant come back, what other of their old games would you like to see? Here’s a montage of my favorite Interplay games.

Achievement Unlocked

What normally happens when you and your sister kiss on the mouth? You get your arm cut off, of course. This was a hidden morality-conscious message in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, but few people could get over the fact that they took their kids to watch a PG-rated movie and got them to witness an incestuous act between two of the main characters to appreciate it. Nice going, Mr. Lucas.

Movie Review: Death Proof

Starring:
Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, Sydney Poitier, Zoe Bell, Vanessa Ferlito, Tracie Thoms, Rose McGowan, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Jordan Ladd

Director:
Quentin Tarantino (Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill)

Release Date:
April 2007

Synopsis:
Stuntman Mike is a serial murderer who uses his revved-up car as a killing machine. After transforming his Dodge Charger into an indestructible weapon, he climbs behind the wheel to terrorize a group of women on the road.

My Two Cents (Spoiler Alert!)
When I heard this movie was coming I knew I was going to watch it, having enjoyed both Kill Bill movies so much, so I avoided watching too many trailers. This payed off big time because I was completely shocked by the plot twist near the end. But if you’ve watched the extended Death Proof trailer, like the one in the Planet Terror DVD, then you pretty much know everything that’s going to happen. No surprises at all. Stupid spoilerrific trailer.

But let’s forget about the ending for now. The movie starts out slow, with a bunch of women talking about girly stuff, like making out with guys and… actually that’s all they talk about. You’ve got these four party-happy sluts talking and talking for about 45 minutes with little else going on. I’m serious, 65% of the movie is just women talking about random shit, and cocks. Now where was I? Ah yes, the sluts. So one of the whores, Jungle Julia, has a radio show and she tells her audience there’s this friend of hers that’s staying over for a few days in Texas and if you recite a specific poem to her she would give you a lap dance. Now that’s what friends are for. What Julia, or any of the other girls don’t know is that a creepy guy has been stalking them, taking pictures and just being weird. The guy’s name is Stuntman Mike, played by Kurt Russell, and he drives around in a black stunt car. Out of all the guys in Texas, Stuntman Mike is the one to recite the poem to the visiting slut and gets his free lap dance. A pretty good lap dance actually. Sadly, that’s not enough for the stuntman, he wants a little extra and I’m not talking about any sexual favors. After the girls leave the bar they were at, Stuntman Mike catches them on the road and… well, you probably know what he does.

I know the movie sounds like crap so far, but there’s something about the way Tarantino writes that makes the dialog bearable even when you know it’s shouldn’t be. The girls talk, and talk, and talk, then they get to the bar and talk some more, then they leave and are still talking, but somehow I wasn’t bored. How is that possible? I think it’s because while they’re talking about dicks and who should buy pot today, you know Stuntman Mike is out there, stalking them. You can’t wait for him to appear and shut them up, permanently. And when he finally shows up he doesn’t disappoint. Moving on.

So Stuntman Mike got away with murder because all the women were intoxicated with alcohol and pot, and he only had club soda at the bar, so the police passed this incident as an unfortunate car accident. Stuntman Mike knows his stuff.



Now the second part of the movie begins, with another four female friends who are a bit less slutty. Again, another 45 minutes go by with nothing but girl talk. And like before, I didn’t really mind because now you’re not only waiting for Mike, you know what he’s capable of. These four girls are cool, and I actually cared about them. My favorite character was Zoe Bell’s, who along with another of the girls plays a stuntwoman. Actually, Zoe is a real-life stuntwoman, and she had worked with Tarantino before, playing Uma Thurman’s double in Kill Bill. So you have two tough stuntwomen (Zoe Bell and Tracie Thoms), a harmless actress (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), and a make-up artist (Rosario Dawson). Stuntman Mike knows he’s facing tougher women, but doesn’t care and actually likes the challenge. What he didn’t know is that these girls are insane! The two stunt girls “borrow” a white Dodge Challenger by leaving one of their friends with the owner while they take it for a test drive and recreate a stunt from a movie. Rosario Dawson refuses to stay behind, so she tags along. During the dangerous stunt, Stuntman Mike meets them on the road and starts ramming their car from behind, almost knocking Zoe off the car. The girls are terrified, but they manage to survive Mike’s brutal attacks. He’s surprised and decides to let them go, but the girls have a different idea... payback.

Since I didn’t know the second part of the movie was about Mike’s victims turning against him, I was completely shocked and delighted. As much as I liked Stuntman Mike, I was very happy too see the girls fight back, and boy do they fight back. Tarantino is a very sick man, and that’s why I like his films.

So, the movie is worth watching but only once, and that’s why I can’t give it a better rating. The girl talk becomes unbearable when you know it takes almost an hour for the action to begin. Cutting about 30 minutes would have been a wise decision. Go watch it and decide for yourself.

Rating: