Thursday, December 27, 2007

Character Profile: The Great Mighty Poo

If you played Conker’s Bad Fur Day on the Nintendo 64 or Conker: Live and Reloaded on Xbox you might have fond memories of certain characters like the Tediz, Buga the Knut, Gregg the Grim Reaper, and Franky the Pitchfork. They were all great and memorable, but the one I’ll never forget is the Great Mighty Poo.

He is one of the biggest bosses in the game and is literally an angry talking piece of shit. He has digested corn for teeth and two little arms which he uses to fling poo at you. Before the battle begins he clears his throat and sings a song to Conker, hands down the greatest song I’ve ever heard in a video game. They don’t call him Sloprano for nothing. The Great Mighty Poo’s only weakness seems to be toilet paper. Between the song’s verses he opens his mouth and that’s when you can throw giant rolls of TP in his mouth. After three hits he starts to flush in a scene reminiscent of the Wicked Witch of the West’s death from The Wizard of Oz.

It’s hard to believe there are not that many poo monsters in video games, but this is probably what makes the Great Mighty Poo stand out even more. Every first-person shooter has exploding barrels, but how many games with shit characters can you name? What a world, what a world.

I’ve included the lyrics to the Great Mighty Poo’s song. Enjoy!

I am the Great Mighty Poo and I’m going to throw my shit at you.
A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate starfish.
How about some scat, you little twat?

Do you really think you’ll survive in here?
You don’t seem to know which creek you’re in.
Sweet corn is the only thing that makes him through my rear.
How do you think I keep this lovely grin?

Have some more caviar.

Now I’m really getting rather mad.
You’re like a niggly, tickly, shitty little tag nut.
When I’ve knocked you out with all my bab
I’m going to take your head and ram it up my butt.

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