Movie Review: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Starring:
Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian McMahon, Andre Braugher, Laurence Fishburne

Director:
Tim Story (Barbershop, Taxi)

MPAA Rating:
PG for sequences of action violence, some mild language and innuendo.

Release Date:
June 2007

Synopsis:
The Fantastic Four battle the Silver Surfer, a strange alien being who travels the Earth preparing it for total destruction at the hands of his master.

My Two Cents (Spoilers):
Comic book movies have always been popular, and almost every superhero out there has his own movie, like Daredevil, Hellboy and Ghost Rider. It was only a matter of time before someone came up with a Silver Surfer movie, but since his first appearance was in the Fantastic Four comics, they couldn’t make him the main star. That’s probably why he doesn’t truly shine in Rise of the Silver Surfer, because he’s not the main dish.

Most Marvel fans know that the Silver Surfer travels the universe looking for yummy planets for his master, Galactus, to devour. That’s all he does. The Surfer visits a planet and if it seems worthy then Galactus absorbs all its energy, and the cycle repeats. Galactus is a being of god-like powers, and the Silver Surfer only works for him in exchange of him sparing his home world. What you must understand is that Galactus is a super being of immeasurable power that no one can stop.

Back on Earth, the Fantastic Four are trying to get used to the fame and fortune of being, well, fantastic. They’ve all perfected their powers and seem to be doing fine, saving kittens stuck on trees and helping old ladies cross the street. Now out of nowhere a flying silver man comes surfing from space and starts wrecking havoc on Earth with alien technology. Oceans freeze, snow falls on deserts, and Jessica Alba’s eyes turn the fakest shade of blue. The FF (Fantastic Four… duh) don’t know it, but Galactus is coming to Earth in 8 days. Holy shit! Just think about this for a moment. You’re watching a movie where Galactus is coming to eat our world. Isn’t that the best possible way to go? Pure awesomeness!

Everything I’ve said, or wrote, so far sounds like a sweet movie plot, and it is, but the execution is all wrong. We’ve barely seen the FF do anything fantastic because in the first film they were just learning how to use their abilities. They faced and defeated Dr. Doom, but that’s it. What else have they done? We’ve barely seen the FF do anything and now they’re going to stop an invincible alien invader? It’s ridiculous.

Thanks to Reed Richard’s intelligence he creates a device that emits a pulse capable of detaching the Silver Surfer from his board, thus rendering him powerless. For no reason at all Dr. Doom has been freed from his prison in Latveria and has joined the FF in their quest to stop the Surfer. What the hell? Didn’t Doom try to kill everyone in the first film? Right… Anyway, when the Surfer is captured, Dr. Doom takes his board and goes on a killing spree. Actually, that’s what I would have liked to see, but since this is a PG film he only destroys the Great Wall of China and some mountains. Stupid family movie stuff. I admit the few scenes of Dr. Doom surfing and blowing stuff up are my favorite because the effects are pretty sweet.

When the FF learn of Galactus’ existence they free Silver Surfer and go in search of Dr. Doom. But Sue is killed, and there’s only one person who can stop Doom now. No, not the Surfer, but the Human Torch. Why? Because apparently he is the main character of this movie. Forget Reed’s intelligence or the alien surfer from beyond, no, it’s Johnny who gets the most screen time here. He was the first one to come in contact with the Silver Surfer and for whatever reason he gains the ability to absorb the powers of his friends. So, when Doom goes apeshit in China, Johnny absorbs everyone’s powers and defeats Dr. Doom by himself. That’s bullshit, I know.



So now the Silver Surfer regains his board and decides to confront Galactus. Finally, this is what I’ve been waiting for the whole time, to see Galactus in all his majesty. But wait, what the fuck is this? When Silver Surfer exits the Earth’s atmosphere he confronts a giant, shapeless fart cloud. Oh my God… is that supposed to be Galactus? Fuck you Tim Story! Fuck you 20th Century Fox! Goddamit. Why waste the ONLY chance to have Galactus in a movie by turning him into space manure? Think of how cool this could have been. Having his massive shadow slowly cover the world. His gigantic helmet looming over the horizon. His deep, angry voice causing earthquakes. Oh man… fuck this shit.

Overall the film’s not bad and might entertain you. Weta Workshop, the team responsible for The Lord of The Rings special effects, created a very cool-looking Surfer. Everyone’s powers look fine, except Reed Richard’s, which look too cartoony and fake. Seeing Dr. Doom again was kind of nice, but nothing we hadn’t seen before. Johnny provides most of the humor, but don’t expect too much as this is a PG-rated film. Laurence Fishburne is the voice of the Silver Surfer, and as cool as it is I couldn’t stop thinking about Morpheus.

It’s just too bad the mighty Galactus was reduced to feces, even though it is barely hinted that behind the poop cloud lies the Galactus we all know and love, but why tease us like that? Also, the Silver Surfer doesn’t do much here and comes off as a very cold and heartless guy. They try to change this near the end but it didn’t work for me, as the true reason for his coldness is that Galactus has manipulated his very soul so he doesn’t feel guilt for bringing death to billions of life forms around the universe. This should have been explained in the movie. I don’t think we need a third Fantastic Four movie, but if there is one they better not fuck it up again. Tone down the kiddy humor and bring up the chaos and violence that superhero comics are known for.

Score: