Starring:Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, Monica Bellucci, Stephen McHattie, Daniel Pilon, Ramona Pringle
Director:
Michael Davis (Beanstalk, Monster Man)
MPAA Rating:
R for pervasive strong bloody violence, sexuality and some language.
Release Date:
September 2007
Synopsis:
When a mysterious loner named Mr. Smith delivers a woman's baby during an intense shoot-out, he inadvertently lands himself at odds with the ruthless Mr. Hertz. Aided by the enigmatic Donna Quintano, Mr. Smith is tasked with protecting the newborn from Hertz and his henchmen.
My Two Cents:
If I had to describe this movie in two words they would be “gun porn”. There is so much shooting that I actually got tired of it in the first 10 minutes. I often like one man armies, but this Smith (Clive Owen) guy is just ridiculous. He shoots while jumping, sliding, running, sleeping, having sex and even skydiving. All his bullets seem to have a homing device because the fucker doesn’t miss. The movie doesn’t take itself too seriously but even then all these stunts ruined it for me. Some of the quotes were pretty cool, like “Fuck you, you fucking fuckers” and “The leader who stays in the rear, takes it in the rear”.
If this was a full blown comedy like The Naked Gun or maybe even Rush Hour I wouldn’t have minded, but even those movies have better plots. Mr. Smith doesn’t give a shit about anything and hates everything, all except Donna Quintano (Monica Bellucci), a prostitute that produces breast milk without being pregnant. That’s… sick. She’s fully hot, especially for her age and you get to see her exposed boobs twice, but the thought is still sickening.
Smith’s archrival is Mr. Hertz (Paul Giamatti), an actor I really enjoy and certainly the most entertaining character in Shoot ‘Em Up. He has the best quotes or maybe the worst, depending on how you see it. He hides his job as a professional criminal from his wife, taking her calls in the middle of his dirty deeds. This could have been funny the first time, but it happens too frequently and it also showed during the movie’s trailer, so the joke was already ruined for me.
The two Transporter films were full of impossible stunts, but Shoot ‘Em Up is the new king of the unbelievable. At least Jason Statham is cool. Clive Owen is a stiff, emotionless killing robot. He was great in Children of Men and was nominated for a Best Actor Academy Award for his performance in Closer. So what the hell happened here? At least the movie is only a little over one hour, and it’ll take even less for you to forget you ever watched it.
Score:
3 Comments:
You forgot to mention in your review itself it also has your favorite; Monica Bellucci. :D
*snerk* I saw commercials for the video that, uh....actually made it sound decent. But that's what a commercial is supposed to do, non?
Hmmm. Clive Owen as a homicidal maniac with two guns. Have I seen that before? :P
But I did mention Monica Bellucci, how couldn't I? She shows her boobies and everything. But even they couldn't save the film.
The trailers did look cool, and that's the problem with most shitty movies. They use cool editing and music to make exciting trailers, but then the movies turn out to be ass. I've fallen for this trick many times.
Clive Owen is coming back for Sin City 2, isn't he?
I...don't know if he's coming back. His character is in A Dame to Kill For, the main story featured in that movie...BUT. It may not be Owen playing him. That's because...he's...very different, in that story. So. I don't know. We'll have to see.
Frank Miller has to finish The Spirit first, at the very least.
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